A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm all very confused by what to do, this is the full story.This started ages ago at Nursery, we were 3 and inseparable, we came out of school together first week and our Mums became best of friends, still are to this day.We followed each other everywhere even to places we shouldn't really be together, we made other friends at first school and spent lots of time with them, but always found each other whenever we got the chance, I got on well with his friends. We often be at each other's houses up til we were 11, it all went wrong.It was time to start a new school, I couldn't go to the same one as him, as I wasn't living in the catchment area, things changed I made friends and he made friends, we somehow lost track of each other, though our mums stayed close friends.I got the impression he got a bit scared of me, we saw each other briefly, but that was that we lead separate lives and went our ways, but things have never worked out right for either of us, he has been in off and on relationships and has never been settled and my relationships well that's another story there pretty much has never been that strong, had on and off crushes, but suffer with an illness that makes it hard for a serious relationship as they don't understand the difficulties, it is a bit unfair when they don't know me, to try and start something off.So now both 30 and neither of us in a long term relationship, I have seen him on and off of late when he has been visiting his Mum, I go occasionally with my Mum, but he still seems distant to me, his mum embarrassed him a little while ago by saying what no kiss after you haven't seen each other for such a long, I don't think this though is why he weird with me, is he scared of me?The trouble is of late I have started to take notice of him more, check out his social media posts, he recently grew a beard I hated it, he shaved it off and it was as much as I could do not to comment so much better, I feel I want to comment on other things, want to see him, but could this happen from his point of view, is there any hope? The problem gets trickier in that we both live in two very different circles, we don't live anywhere near each other, that a chance meeting would occur, there would be no reason to visit where he is apart from being obvious that was the reason and I don't think he would get it.He wouldn't invite me across for no particular reason, our two mums are the only real link, because I am sometimes there when he pops around, I smile and say Hi, how's you, I get yeah good, that's about it.It's been a long time past now, since we spent time together, I probably could make better conversation with him and will try, but apart from our Mum's pulling us across to his Mum's at the same time, there isn't any other form of meet.I don't know what it is with him, whether he is scared of me cause we were so close in the past, whether I am classed as one of the guys type, I don't know what he thinks of me, even if he had no feelings you would have thought from our past he might be chatty, as we were inseparable.Does he think I might pounce on him, I was the bossier one of the two, but at the ages from 3 through to 11, can't have been flirty or anything, we both were naïve and wouldn't have had a clue what that was on about.He does seem to shy away from me, or appears that he doesn't really notice me, I would have like us to stay friends, I don't even know if there is any sort of feeling there, past friends or anything else, but you would have thought they would be some small connection, it's just recently from my end I have noticed him more now and am taking interest in him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): I don't know why you're being urged to message this guy?
Your connection dates back to childhood, and I think he has outgrown any affection; and he's just not into you. Why should he be scared of you, if he grew-up with you? He should be totally at-ease with you, if anything.
He's doing his best not to send any cross-signals your way by being indifferent. I don't think he has any romantic inclination toward you; and I think you're searching for feelings that just aren't there.
I can see where you would be prone to seek someone you're close and familiar with. Over all the years, he has practically been like family to you; like a brother, or cousin.
You give no indication that you two even dated in your teen years. That would have given you some clue, if he had any romantic-attraction toward you. As an adolescent, he would have flirted and done everything he could to make his feelings known. I just think you're too much like a sister in his mind.
I think even if you did message him on Facebook, his response would probably be unenthusiastic to your flirtations; because he's not interested in dating you.
Seriously, who wants to date someone intimidated by you? At best, you'd want mutual-attraction and clear signals he likes you in the same way. He hasn't made the slightest effort to meet you half-way. Even at the urging of both your mothers.
Why undergo the frustration of pulling feelings out of this guy? He's obviously not man enough to let you know if he'd like to pursue something meaningful and grown-up with you.
Let it go. Besides, you've got a self-improvement project you need to get underway. If he knows you that well, he also knows your quirks and imperfections. Which may be his reasoning not to go there. Not to exclude his own faults, that he wouldn't want to inflict upon you.
I suggest that you go work on whatever those "difficulties" are; that make it hard for you to seek and maintain relationships with other men. It seems you're desperately trying to create something with him, for the lack of success elsewhere. Please don't feel I'm trying to hurt your feelings. It's just my honest opinion and observation. I could be totally wrong.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 March 2015):
 Why not message him on FB? Since you already "like" thing he posts. Ask him out for coffee away from the mums? Tell him you would like to stay friend or rekindle that childhood friendship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): Just message the guy! Say it'd be nice to meet up for coffee or lunch one day, and catch up as serious time has passed - seeing as your mums are so close it'd be nice to catch up too.
He might decline, in which case perhaps he just sees you as an old acquaintance. But he might like to do that, and then by meeting up and chatting you're going to get an impression of whether there is a friendship any more, or whether you two are attracted to each other. You've just got to jump in and make the suggestion rather than waste time wondering - otherwise you'll never know!
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A
female
reader, lions go rawr +, writes (19 March 2015):
Maybe he's just intimidated by you. He likely thinks you're attractive and because he's known you forever, probably thinks he doesn't have a chance with you.
If you're interested in him, why not tell him? What do you have to lose if your moms are the only thing linking you two together? You won't have to see him frequently if you won't want to. Maybe you'll get pleasantly surprised and find out he really likes you too, and that you two are very compatible.
He already shaved off his beard at your preference, and that sounds like a good indicator that he's interested in you.
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