A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about 6 months and its has gotten quite serious saying he loves me etc. He is 20 years older than me and married. We were talking for a while before hand and being flirtatious and we've had a couple of nights alone. He is lovely, very complimentary to me all the time and everything else is great. My problem is I know its not permanent he isn't the person I want to be with and I don't think it would work out for the things I want in the future. I really don't want to hurt his feelings and we've got plans for about a months time but I don't know how to bring up how I feel. I'm not sure whether to break it off or keep going and talk to him in person or whether to see if I change how I feel. I'm feeling very confused so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 You don't want to hurt his feelings? What about his wife's feelings? Do they count? Honestly don't be the woman who couldn't find her own man so began giving herself to another woman's husband, it will be your reputation that is ruined!
End things, tell him you are not wanting to be with a married man any more. Even better ask him to leave his wife and watch him make loads of excuses he doesn't love you, he just wants sex.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 April 2017):
 Just break it off.
He will be OK - a guy who is SO willingly cheating on his wife is going to be JUST fine. He will find another naive young woman to have sex with and an affair with.
Don't worry about the "plans" next month. The sooner you break it off the SOONER these "plans" can be canceled.
After you end it, BLOCK him. (I'd say do it over text so you can't get "talked" into keeping it going) STOP having ANY contact WHAT SO EVER. Don't offer "friendship" have some GODDARMNED RESPECT for YOURSELF & his wife and just LET him go.
Learn from this OP. NEVER get involved with men who has a partner - married or not. Doesn't matter WHAT excuse they USE to justify THEIR cheating - they are STILL attached to another, emotionally, physically, legally and financially. They have NOTHING to OFFER you. Not even themselves. Because? They are ALREADY with someone else!
Come on, OP use some common sense here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): Don't worry so much about HIS feelings. Think of yours and his wife's feelings. He betrays her every-time he sees you; and he betrays you, every-time he goes home to her, pretending you don't exist.
He says he loves you? Apparently not enough to leave his wife. He made vows to her, and promised to cherish her. Yet, he exploits the love and emotions of a young woman who just wants someone to love her.
The plans you've made together are in a secret conspiracy against his marriage. He is selfishly stealing love from both you and his wife. He promises her everything he promises you, and more. Only he has no choice but to fulfill promises made to her, or face divorce. Which he avoids!
Divorce means losing half what he owns, his home, and his children; if he has any.
He likes having a haven to run to when he tires of his responsibilities to a woman he lies to on a regular basis. You help him to keep his lies alive. Pretending to share him. You don't share him. He owns you, like property.
He uses you and puts you away like his power tools and toys. He returns to his wife to pretend like he loves her, and cons her into thinking he is faithful to her.
In fact, he may actually love his wife. He just likes having a younger woman on the side to stroke his ego and satisfy his sexual-appetite. All he has to do is tell you what you want to hear.
He's a liar and a con-man. He is selfish and untrustworthy. You are just a body he uses when he tires of his responsibilities as a husband. He could just as easily have even yet another woman besides the two of you; because he has no true since of fidelity. He wins on all counts.
You worry about hurting his feelings?!! Do you realize how foolish that comment is?
You've sought advice, but already know the answers. He's a married-man, and your plans don't mean squat. They are just a bucket of wishes with a whole in the bottom. You pour your love and life into his bucket, and they leak hopelessly from the bottom. He still gets the sex, goes home to his wife, gets more sex, and walks around looking innocent to everyone. Happy as the king of thieves!
While keeping you his dirty little secret. If he gets caught, the first words out of his mouth will be: "She means nothing to me!" He'll bury you deeper, and continue to see you in secret. He won't leave her. His lies will become more complex to keep her confused and bewildered. She'll suffer and worry. If she has kids, she'll worry about their financial-security and how to tell them, without hating him.
It will kill her inside, knowing her marriage is a lie!
Divorce? Nah! You can make all the threats and cast all the ultimatums you like. He'll say he loves you, and you'll melt like a fool, and believe anything he says.
We're just a bunch of wasted words on your screen; telling you how wrong it is. You have to be hurt and face your karma before you do what's right. His marriage is obviously not a good one, but not so bad he'd leave her for you.
Your comment about hurting his feelings is a joke that has no humor. Nobody can laugh but him. He'll just replace you; because a cheater doesn't really have a real sense of remorse. They just don't want to get caught. Their needs come before anything and everything. Of course he's going to be nice to his co-conspirator; who could expose and destroy him, if she's scorned!
If we suggest you leave him, will you? I doubt it. It will end when his wife discovers he's cheating; then he'll dump you. He doesn't want to lose half his assets, or get kicked out of his house. Then facing a child-custody battle, if he's a father.
So, continue pretending he loves you. All he has to do is say the L-word, and you lose your morals and ignore common-sense.
You're also betraying a woman who has never done anything to you. How would you feel, if you were the wife? If he left her for you, your karma will be never being able to trust him. He could just as easily cheat on you, as he does her.
As for feelings, he has none.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 April 2017):
 Ask his wife what you should do.
Seriously, OP. Don't mess with married people. Karma comes around and you could be the wife being cheated on.
Break it off immediately over text and block him. Don't let him talk you into staying with some BS "feelings".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): End it now and find a single man closer to your own age and have some fun with someone who is not married! He has played on your naivety no doubt. Making you think you are special etc. For all you know, there could be other women too, so get a full STD test now after ending it and then one again in 3-6 months to make sure you don't have anything that doesn't show up immediately. He will be sleeping with his wife too, so don't buy that ancient lie. Why on earth are you settling for seconds???? Value yourself and then married men will stop being attractive.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 April 2017):
 Let me spell this out: HE IS MARRIED. You have NO FUTURE with him - whether you want one or not - unless he gets divorced. That is, of course, unless your idea of a future is sharing a man that you are not even really into with his poor unsuspecting wife.
I have to wonder why someone so young, with her whole life ahead of her, is settling for being the dirty secret of someone old enough to be her father? And, worse still, someone who is MARRIED? Come on sweetheart, you can do so much better for yourself. I am sure he knows all the right things to say to make you feel special, but he has no right to say these things to you because he is not free. He probably said the exact same things to his wife before you were even born!
How do you think his wife will feel when she finds out about you? (They nearly always find out, as they suddenly notice differences in their husband's behaviour and start investigating.) What will you do when the wife throws him out and files for divorce? He will then assume you two are going to be together. How will you feel when you have to tell him at THAT point that, having lost everything because of his affair with you, you don't really want him either?
Cut loose NOW and, in future, only get involved with men who are free.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 April 2017):
 Well, you're always going to be his number 2 below his wife, so I'm sure he won't be that heartbroken. You don't owe much to this guy, it's best you get out while you're not that invested. Send him a text and let him know it's not sustainable for you and you're moving on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): "I really don't want to hurt his feelings"You don't have to worry about hurting a guy's feelings when he's cheating on his wife with a chick young enough to be his daughter.You also don't have to worry about hurting a guy's feelings when he's stringing along a naive, misguided young women by telling her what she wants to hear so she'll continue having sex with him.All you have to tell him is "come back when your divorce is final and then we'll talk." Believe me, you'll never hear from him again.
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