A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'd been dating a girl on and off for 4 months but it became a long distance relationship due to university over summer. We'd talk every day and I'd visit as often as I could - until we had (what I thought was) a small argument. Turns out right after that she bumped into an ex who declared how he wanted to get back together with her. Fast forward 2 weeks and there was no contact so I figured it was over anyway - then I found out on facebook she'd got back with her ex. I wasn't upset, I pretty much knew it was over but more than anything I was disappointed. She texted me the other day apologizing for everything, I wished them the best of luck and she proclaimed how I meant everything to her but distance was the problem. I never bothered replying; I thought it was pointless.Problem is, I was fine with it until she texted me again - and now more than anything I want her to be let down by him (which I'm pretty sure is gonna happen based on history) just like she let me down. If/when that happens I know that she'll want to get back together with me - especially when I move back when term starts. Now here's the kicker - if that happens (even if I wanted to) I wouldn't get back in a relationship with her, I just want her to realize what rejection is like and realize that she can't have her cake and eat it too.I know it's not healthy and I'm trying to move on but it's human to want revenge. I know two wrongs don't make a right and I know there are better girls out there who are right for me. I guess I just feel shitty about wanting someone I cared about to be hurt like I was...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): Thanks for all the responses, it's really put things into perspective! To clarify I never wanted to actively get revenge, just a negative part of me wanted karma (like a lot of you mentioned) to knock her off her horse and maybe get her to actions have consequences.
But you're right, it wasn't exactly super serious, she'd just been talking a lot about our future when I got back and so I took that as a given and looked forward to it - naivety on my part I guess. When I wished her the best with this guy I meant it, or at least part of me did. And like some of you said I suppose maybe it's a blessing in disguise, it's showed her character and made way for the next girl in my life, however far away that is.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 Now now OP, seeking revenge may also be a human instinct, but it's serious stuff, save it for when the circumstances warrant it, like if somebody really screws you over badly and tries to ruin your life, not for a pin-prick to your ego.
Come on, OP, not to dismiss your feelings, but keeping things in perspective always helps. This was no love story of the century, this was a FOUR months ON AND OFF " relationship " . On and off ? in 4 months ?- how serious could it be, ? and do not forget that anyway you had an argument after just 4 months. You call it " small ", but anyway it was big enough to make you stop altogether talking to each other. Add the long distance, which for some people is hard / impossible to handle... the girl just saw that this was a still birth of a "relationship " and , as she was entitled to do, she decided to not pursue it furtherly and to move on, or in her case to go back to a previous lover.
All very normal and legit, I'd say. Sure, probably it would have been nicer and more PC if she had given you your OFFICIAL walking papers, then again do not forget that you had argued and gone no contact on both sides. It does not make a lot of sense to call somebody up and tell him " hey, I am not talking to you- but now I am talking to you to tell you ... that I won't be talking to you ".
If you don't want her back , don't take her back of course, that's your prerogative ( and anyway you have already seen that this thing between you is just wobbling and not flying, so it's best, in YOUR own interest, to leave things as they are ) but why all the bitterness and pettiness and drama. " You want her to know how rejection feels " ! Why, how does it feel ?... It feels unpleasant, very unpleasant some times,- but if feels normal , because it's a fact of life ,with which everybody will have to contend with at some point, it's nothing so life-altering ( unless in special circumstances which do not seem to apply to your very usual predicament ). It also is healthy, in a way, because it prevents you from stubbornly investing time and energy and emotions into someone who is not the right match for you - because if she / he was the right match for you... they would not be rejecting you !
You did not get your heart and world shattered, OP ( or maybe a bit, but just temporarily ). You got your ego deflated. Which sucks, but.. I do not think to the point of invoking revenge, and hurt on her head.
Girls do not HAVE to like you / love you , you know ? ( and viceversa of course )- And they CAN change their mind at some point ( and so you can ).
If you have to wish her something bad,... just wish her a flat tyre, or a parking ticket, the punishement will be befitting the crime :).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): You know what will be real revenge? Getting over her for real, so that when/if she contacts you, you can tell her that "it's over between us. Goodbye." Don't set out to hurt someone on purpose. If she is a hurtful person, you be better than her.
I always say, if a guy hurts any of my female family members, they shouldn't dwell on it and feel bad. Be glad they're out of your life cause they aren't worth it. She cut you out of her life, so take that as something good and learn from it. But never hurt anyone on purpose.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): It's normal to feel angry when you're hurt; but it's unhealthy to turn that anger into vindictiveness.
It's taking it further than the emotion really has to go. Yes, most of us feel vengeful and want to give back the pain inflicted upon us; but it will not undo what is done.
Once you get your payback; sometimes you feel worse than you did before, or no better for all the expended energy.
We all make mistakes.
Push all that poison out of your system. You're a better man than that. Hoping for harm or unhappiness upon someone else is a sign of poor character. It shows you're unable to bounce back; and you've handed someone more power over you than they deserve.
Let it pass, don't follow-through on any actions or impulses to cause anything to happen. If it befalls her, it is the natural order of things. You really shouldn't take delight in it. Let's put it this way. You will not live a life-time without making a mistake, or hurting someone else. It wouldn't feel good knowing someone is taking delight in your misfortune. She has already had her heart-breaks in her life. Very few of us get by without at least one big one.
She made way for someone better for you than she is. Things had to go this way. Once you meet that person, you'll be grateful she moved on when she did.
The thoughts will pass. It's part of how we feel when our heart is broken. Just don't let vengeful thoughts obsess your mind. That's cruelty.
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 Anger / Resentment is a phase in the emotions we go through in a break up. It is OK.. go through with the feelings as THINK (only THINK) of all the karma and bad things you wish will happen to her. Think about it as often as you want... but I know in the end, you're a better person than that. Although it was a short 4 month relationship, you still remember the sweet times and the good times. You are a kind person who once truly cared about this girl. Yes, she undoubtedly hurt you, but you will find it in your heart to forgive her and wish her the best. You will.. one day.
Remember to hold your head up high and smile.. cuz one ending only means the next beginning is near!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Have you ever heard the phrase, What goes around comes around? It's karma explained in six words. without any help from you at all there will be a time when she is put in a situation by circumstances beyond your or her control where the scales will be balanced. Not to worry, ust sit back and wait. If you intervene it will not be as satisfying as if you are an observer in life. I understandhow you want revenge but it won't happen if you try to control the situation. don't try to fight with the energy of karma or it'll blow back on you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2014):
 Eh, Karma will come her way sooner or later.
If you CARED so little by being dumped, UNTIL she gushed to you, then did you REALLY care all that much for her at all? After all it was a 4 months relationship, so obviously didn't get that deep.
SHE was a coward by not calling you and ending it with you before getting back with the ex.
My advice cut the contact 100% from her. Remove/block her on FAcebook and your phone.
If she still find a way to talk to you, tell her: " your loss, I'm over you". TRUST me that will be "revenge" enough.
If her current BF (the ex) dumps her and she wants you back and can't have you... guess what? YOU will in her mind end up the guy who got away.... And that.... is worth ANY kind of revenge. Because she will compare you to EVERY dude she meets and they WILL fall short. Not because you were "super BF", but because in her mind... you were THE one who got away.
Get it?
Move on knowing that she WASN'T a keeper and that you can do better.
Life is too short for bitterness and pettiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): Go ahead and take your revenge. But trust me its not going to make you satisfied nor happy.
The thing is, in life karma is always present. You dont even have to do anything, it will just happen to people who deserve it.
Besides if you do it, good job you had it your way. But dont forget, when you did something wrong it will always come back to you.
If i were you, just be quiet, move on silently, be happy on your own n find someone better. Stop being bitter.
You deserve to find someone better.
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