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I know I should, but how do I leave my older lover?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Breaking up, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am 18, I have been with a man since I was 16 (legal in the UK) and he is now 49. Due to this no one else in either of our lives knows about us being together. In the last 6 months we have tried to end it, but neither of us are able to break it off. We have too much fun together, and I'm not talking sex, we waited a year until we had it and often just talk and laugh and kiss. We know our time together is finite and that's why we've tried to stop seeing each other. I need help to see why I need to stay strong and why we need to stay apart, thank you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

Sorry, but 16 and 47 is too far apart. That's not a healthy relationship. You are a child and he is an adult and for him to be sexually attracted to you is not good. Run.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (2 April 2011):

DoubleM agony auntWell, my opinion on this is admittedly from a much older man who also has had relationships with younger women, so I'm aware there will be criticism. Let's also note that many "older" women these days tend to dabble in young men, thus the so-called cougar come-ons.

Anyway, the point is, who cares? If you enjoy the relationship, and apparently even love the man, then to hell with any perceived "taboo" due to age difference. Age is immaterial today, or at least you can take out a good life insurance policy on your mature lover (potential spouse) and end up quite a wealthy cougar, but the stated age difference is not all that great and love can be enjoyed for decades. With due respect, "Danielepew," I think you are off on this one. DoubleM

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well we both knew it would have to end and the first time we broke up it was my decision then the second time it was his. I'm not unaware that he would be really looked down upon for doing this that's why I told him I didn't want anyone to know.

Also I agree with your criticism of the word relationship but would like to add that I didn't mean it in full relationship just the relationship we have as in the things we do.

I would really appreciate some advice on how to stay strong and away from him???

Thankyou for your help so far

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (31 March 2011):

Danielepew agony auntDear, I think you should stay away from this man who could perfectly well be your grandpa. In my opinion, the reason why people don't know about you two is because he'd get a shower of criticism, and he knows it. Relationships where one of the parties is way older than the other are abusive, in my opinion, because the older party does have a lot more experience, and they often use it to manipulate the younger party.

I can imagine why a 47-year old man wanted to have a relationship (meaning sex) with a 16-year old, but those are not the reasons I would feel comfortable with if you were my daughter.

I don't know who had the idea of ending the relationship. I do think it's a very good idea, primarily for you. I will let my mind wander and speculate that maybe he suggested it?

He knew it would end from the very moment he started it. Perhaps now is the "right" time for him to do it. He had his fill.

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