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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: ok I have ceased contact with the man i was having an affair with, just stopped, he keeps txting me worried if im ok and asking to meet ive been ignoring these txts, am I doing the right thing, I know he will eventually get the message but I feel cruel. I want to make a go of it with my husband, i realise I have made a huge mistake. But if I respond to the text messages explaining why I have suddenly stopped contacting he could get really nasty, as I have tried it before by stating its over and he gets nasty, then I back down trying to explain that I care but Im over this whole thing. I have feelings for him and did/do care for him but I cant do this anymore, I hate that it hurts him but I don't know another way to handle it, this way feels wrong but easier. Am I doing the wrong thing, I know no other way to handle it. I am a nice person who just got mixed up in a bad circumstance that I couldn't emotionally handle, please help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Ignoring is the thing to do.
Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.
Then, if he says something you can't ignore, regardless of what that is. Don't ignore it.
If he threatens anything, anything at all, tell him you will go to the police the next time he contacts you or anyone that you know, in writing, by certified mail, return receipt requested, sent by a lawyer.
A
female
reader, happy24birthday  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Men do this sort of thing all the time without regard for how the woman feels. If it's the easiest way for you then stick to your decision of not communicating with him. If you text him it will only open the door that you want so badly to remain closed. He'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 March 2011):
 This is the price of an extramarital affair. You are afraid he will tell your husband, and your marriage will end, if you tell your lover that it is over. However, your silent treatment is not working. Your lover isn't getting the message.
I'm afraid you will have to tell him directly, so that he understands that it is over. You have a perfectly good reason. You want to try to make your marriage work. He should be able to understand that and not make any trouble for you.
I understand that sometimes good people get involved in affairs. Let's hope your lover is a good person too. If he is married he will not make any trouble for you. If he is not, he might, but that would be unkind.
You might want to think about telling your husband yourself, especially if you think this guy is going to tell him. Your husband may be more understanding then you think. If you had unprotected sex with this man, you are obligated to tell your husband anyway.
In any case, you need to explore the reason you had this affair while being happily married. Something is missing in your marriage, or you wouldn't have done it. You need to figure this out and work on that if the marriage is to survive.
I wish you good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 What do you mean by nasty ? nasty like what ? ..
Because of course it's different if he gets nasty as in texting you sarcastic,annoying remarks, or nasty as in threatening to tell everything to your husband, or even to hurt you physically. If you could give us a bit of info about that, it would help us to answer.
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A
male
reader, Blackest_Night +, writes (2 March 2011):
I hate to be rude about this, but I'll try to cushion it as much as possible. I was in a situation where I was the one she was having an affair with, however, I had no knowledge of the other man. She never brought it to my attention until the end of our relationship. She cut me off cold turkey, and it made me an emotional wreck, and brought forth all the insecurities and paranoia from prior bad relationships. I don't know how to help your situation, but this is the perspective from a guy's view:
You cared for me, I did everything right, and you threw me away like a used tissue. I want you to love me back so badly, and you just don't care at all. He hurt you, pushed you to me, and I'm being crucified for it.
Sorry, wish I knew how to handle it better.
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A
female
reader, hotinlove  +, writes (2 March 2011):
Unfortinatly, a mess has been made and no one likes to clean up messes. I do think you are doing the right thing by calling things off with this man, im proud that you have realised your mistake and are taking steps forward to fix your current relationship with your husband. Props to you for fixing it yourself. You said you feel cruel ignoring his texts, dont you feel you were being cruel to your husband?, yet you still had an affair. I think the best thing to do is to keep your distance from this man. It sounds like you have already made up your mind that you no longer want to continue the affair, talking to him would only sway your decision or sway your feelings. Good Luck and keep your head up!
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