A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, I'm not sure what to do about a situation I've been involved with for two years and need other peoples advice!i met a man by accident two years ago. from the moment we started talking we couldn't leave each other alone. texts run into at least three hundred a day and when we weren't texting we were talking on the phone. the problem was he had a girlfriend~who he told me he wasn't happy with but couldn't leave just yet~i know usual story! anyway i finished with him once i found out about girlfriend but he perused me constantly calling etc telling me i was who he was in love with. could i wait for him etc. anyway we have broken up more times than i can mention but just can't leave each other alone. we can go a week without talking then it starts again. we argue about the situation so much. i love him very much he has met my friends I've met his and he hasn't exactly been quiet about our "relationship" but I've been hit by a thunder bolt... she found out about me and she wants to get married. so this is gonna happen maybe next year. (they have children) i totally understand that people will think I'm a bitch, i feel a bitch and i hate myself so much for allowing myself to be drawn into this situation. at this moment i have cut him out of my life and would like it to stay like that but he is like a pathetic drug to me and i know im under his skin as much as he is under mine but sadly he has no backbone and i know truly he wants us both. i need to find the dignity in myself to just walk away but i am finding it hard. because i do love him but i can't waste my life on someone who i think maybe knows all the right words to say to keep everyone happy.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Ah, I understand, forgive my presumption :)
I know it takes discipline, but don't even read them. Just use the delete key. You don't need to know what he has to say.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno the sentence "let me move on" was said because he will carry on texting and calling and trying to wear me down. Im not some downtrodden bimbo who he is in charge of. i just could do without him trying constantly and would like him to now leave me be. i have changed my number before blocked his email Facebook etc but he opens other accounts or gets friends to message me. so allow me to move on is my way of asking him not to do this and to just let it go.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (30 August 2011):
You are welcome, I am glad you have taken something from choosing to seek out advice here. It is interesting that you say you "asked him to let me move on", it is probably a subtle indication of your style of relating. You probably tend to be a little passive, seeking out his permission or approval on things, waiting for him to act before acting. It can be helpful to realise that in actual fact, you are the person who determines what happens in your life. It is not for him to give you permission to let you go. He is not keeping you captive. It is your decision to walk away from him, and to move into a life where you can have a mutually giving relationship. I am not trying to point out a weakness, failing, or being critical, rather I want to encourage you to embrace your own power and agency in your life. You can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhear what everyone is saying and you are right. offered him my support with going ahead with his relationship but asked him to let me move on. didn't go down too well. but i need to move on. thank you all for taking the time for me. much appreciated. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Good luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhear what everyone is saying and you are right. offered him my support with going ahead with his relationship but asked him to let me move on. didn't go down too well. but i need to move on. thank you all for taking the time for me. much appreciated. x
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (29 August 2011):
Having love and having a relationship are two different things. You may love this guy, and he may love you, but he is not in a position to give you a relationship because he is choosing another one. Give him your love and support to the relationship he is choosing, and spend your energy living the life you want, pursuing the relationships you want, and feeding the love you have for others. You can give him your love too, just not the kind of love that involves being in a relationship and having sex with someone, find someone who is available to give that kind of love too, and that can give you the same in return. It is actually not that complicated a situation, the difficulty is that you don't want to accept the simple reality.
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 This is an easy one. He is getting married to her, means he has chosen her over you. If you meant THAT much to him with this final decision it should have been you. Don't know how you got into this mess in the first place, but he has made his choice. You're probably thinking you'll never meet someone like him again and you're probably right but its time to move ?. Once they are married, you"ll be breaking a home and he'll never leave her for you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Is he really keeping everyone happy? What about his kids, are they happy knowing their daddy is going to leave next year? You say he has no backbone, why tie yourself to a spinless whimp?
This man is a liar and a cheat. Don't believe a word he says!
The next time he contacts you just say those words out loud, "you are a liar and a cheat and a bad father" when he tries to soft talk you repeat until at least you or him actually hear the words.
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A
female
reader, needy123 +, writes (28 August 2011):
I feel like everyone will tell you to dump him, but it doesn't sound like that's what you want to hear.I'm sure he's into you and you may feel as if you have the upper hand seeing as you're technically the 'other woman' in this situation who he's breaking the rules for. However, whatever you're getting from him, SHE's getting as well! Are you okay with that? It seems as if 'the other woman' in lots of situations gets caught up with what the guy is saying and the fact that he is cheating on his actual gf/spouse to be with her and forgets that, what he's doing to you is ALSO cheating.I know you'd like to believe that whatever he says to her isn't the same as it is to you, like you're 'special' in some way different from her, but at the end of the night he goes home to HER and he has kids with HER.I think it would be best for you if you move on! If he can cheat WITH you, he can cheat ON you!Just be thankful that you're not the one with kids with this jerk!
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 August 2011):
you are correct, this man wants you both but probably not in the way you hope. He loves his girlfriend and wants to be with her but he also wants a bit on the side for a bit of excitement.
What you are doing is wrong and you need to stop it now, block his number from your phone and then delete it. How would you like it if he was your man and there was some other girl also after him and tempting him to cheat. Its not right!
Why dont you move on with your life and find a real man and not this cheating lying scumbag.
Once you've met someone else you'll soon forget about this person.
And hopefully your future love wont do to you what this man is doing to his future wife (the mother of his children).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): It's simple. You either cut him out of your life for good, move on and be happy or continue being second best and never meet a man who loves you and wants to be with you. The choice is yours.
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