A
female
age
18-21,
*itti_kat
writes:Ok no judgement please.... Well I met this guy a few weeks back in a night club in Manchester, i was drunk so we decided to go back my house. We had sex which was good but he said it was the best sex he ever had and he cant believe how amazing I am bla bla bla... The next morning we was just laying there talking and he told me he has a girlfriend. At first i didn’t care as all i wanted from him was the sex but now i hate it. A few days later we went to a posh hotel and had amazing sex that was even better than the first (which I didn’t think was possible)!!! By this time i started getting feelings for him big time!!! A week later he called saying he wanted to see me so once again we went to a hotel, then his phone starts to ring and it was his girlfriend... she keeps calling and calling so he said he had to go!!! This made me feel really cheep and i was sooo pissed with him but acted like i didn’t care. I am really getting feelings for this guy now. What am i going to do? I know he has a girlfriend but does the fact i give him good sex make any difference? In my mind i know all the answers but he always on my fucking mind!!!! Everytime my phone goes i hope its him but he hardly ever calls (every other day or so) Im not usually like this im usually i strong independent girl but he just makes me feel like a kid again. I don’t know if its because i cant have him that i want him or if i really am falling for him? I keep telling myself just to tell him i cant see him anymore. Then another stupid part of me is says just stick around he will see your better than his girlfriend and leave her... hmmm what to do a little help please.
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drunk, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Left In The Rain +, writes (7 September 2009):
my guy just left me after 6 years for someone he met in a pub. not a nice feelin. think how you would feel it you were the one bein cheated on.id say move on and find someone thats not just after no strings sex when his girlfriend isnt puttin out!!remember your independant...
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
 Oh God q, another one... I feel myself getting duller by the moment... Use us for sex - that's your best ploy yet!!!XXX
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A
female
reader, Klara  + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
This situation is screwed, i know , we know, you know.
I think it means nothing to him. At first i was seeing it like you, that maybe he was unhappy, maybe he could move on with you. But then i thought about it.
He told you immediately that he had a girlfriend, he runs out to see her and doesn't make some excuse for you. Maybe one day he will, but 90% he won't.
He is raving to you about the sex because yeah, it is good.
But that aside, you could have amazing sex with someother guy, not someone you will always feel cheap and skanky too . Sure it's a thrill but at the end of the day, you are home alone and are on call to him. You get that thrill like an orgasmn but then it fades and you are left with memories and your thoguhts. Good memories, and thoughts for more, for him and it'll destroy you.
I think everyones advice that your heart is involved when having sex is pretty revelationary to me, but it is so true!
being girls we need to constantly remind ourselves to be bloody smart, as our body is working against our health-mental health, at times.
He is on a high starts the day great and goes home to the girl. You start the day great and then it disappates and is totally privy to what he says or actions he makes for you- eg calling you. if he doesnt call you feel alone. if he does you feel desired and wanted. You want him so you can avoid those other feelings you have when he doesn't call..i think that is it anyway.
So the thing to do is, to say yup the sex was great, but NOW i know , that i don't want this sort of relationship where i feel second to someone else and left on the side of the road at the end of it. THat i think is the bloody smart thing to do.
..or you can just go around and around, through the days, pining and frustrated at yourself and him, fantasising , whatever,,round and round it won't stop until you say. thanks it was great, but it's not what i wanted..as what i wanted would make me feel worthwhile and important and good all of the time...infact it would make both of us feel good. NOT JUST one of us
i hope that helps hun.. i was just improvising with this advice and wanted to see what comes out . best with it! you can get past this crap i'm sure , you sound smart enough and you know you are . :)
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A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 If I was a woman I would get tired of disingenuous guys using women for sex and I would turn the tables. Use men for sex damn it. Show us what it is like to be nailed and thrown out like yesterdays news. Lie to us just to get us into bed and then toss us away. That will be your ultimate revenge.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): Girl he is just out for one thing SEX! get over it he is not going to leave his gf.he is just a DOG!
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A
female
reader, kitti_kat +, writes (4 September 2009):
kitti_kat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Collaroy.... That is like the best advice i have ever had, really put things into prospective. Cheers huni. xXx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Hi,
I dont think the girls I had flings with in my youth were particularly emotionally involved to the extent they felt bad after the fact. It's a generational thing I think, a lot of people cannot fathom the concept of one night stands as they simply cannot see themselves having sex with someone they don't love. So they find it hard to belief others can as well.
For you it's a competition between your heart and your head.
Your head is telling you have fun, your heart is making a connection with this lad.
Problem is, you cannot disconnect your heart from this situation. You have found compatibility with this guy and that is what is making this difficult.
You are not naive enough to think he is going to fall madly in love with you, and from what you've said you don't want to fall for him.
But you can't ignore a natural connection with someone. It just happens. Later in life when you are ready for full time commitment , you will relish this as every bone in your body will sing with joy when you are with this person.
But for now, its best to leave him to his life and you lead yours, the only thing that is going to happen is his girlfriend is going to get hurt, he will get hurt and you will get hurt.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kitti_kat +, writes (4 September 2009):
kitti_kat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo no no.... i dont want to sound like a bitch by saying i dont want him as my man but i dont want anyone else to have him, but thats how i feel. No thats not what i want advice with im just sooo confused. I suppose deep down i wish he didnt have a girlfriend then things would be alot different and maybe things could go somewhere between us. I know hes using me and thats what is getting to me... whenever he calls no matter how many times i tell myself to say that i cant see him no more i just cant help meeting up with him... xXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): i think that you are in denial!!!
You think that all you want is sex but really you want more.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
You can't say that sex is all you want, because you are a girl. Every time a girl has sex, her heart gets involved. So now, you still want sex but, hey, all of a sudden, you want him too. And he has told you that he has a girlfriend. So, now it's a big competition on who is better in bed??? He doesn't HAVE feelings for you, you are his bit-on-the-side.
No one can you you or treat you badly until you let them.
Good God woman! You know better than this and you deserve better than that.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
 typo...'with' not 'from'
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
Oh it's even better than I thought. You don't want a relationship from him. You just want to lure him away from his girlfriend so he can be on call for you sexually?
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A
female
reader, kitti_kat +, writes (4 September 2009):
kitti_kat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut the thing is i dont want a relationship from him... I just want him to myself. I know it sounds bad but as i said i dont feel bad for this girlfriend at all. He approached me, im not making him do anything. xXx
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
I guess my reply to this post crossed at the same time yours did because my answer would have been a bit different.
Not betraying her directly...but you are knowingly assisting someone who is which makes you a collaborator and as culpable as he is.
What exactly is it you want help with? What do you want us to tell you? How to win him for yourself? How to feel better about the status quo?
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (4 September 2009):
Not to diminish your skills, but a big reason why the sex is great is because there is minimal investment with maximum gain. He's not likely to voluntarily give that up any time soon.
I would point out that 'every other day or so' is quite a lot for a casual sex hook up, but that's because things are new and exciting. They won't be as new and exciting a few months from now.
The longer you continue this the more emotionally invested you'll become and the harder still it will be to do what you need to for yourself. You already know what that is. We can't make it feel easier for you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kitti_kat +, writes (4 September 2009):
kitti_kat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you are saying, but to be 100% honest sex is all i want (wanted) from him....
I dont really work well with commitment, so ideally this would be the perfect situation for me. I told him i dont partially want a boyfriend, but i cant help feeling this way about him.
I know i should feel bad for his girlfriend but i dont. After all he is the one betraying her not me, if it wasn’t me it would be someone else. But i just cant shake the feeling that i want him all to myself grrrr this is doing my head in!!!!
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (4 September 2009):
He has a girlfriend and he has you for amazing sex whenever he feels like it - why would he want to change that situation?
He is using you, and if he had any intention of leaving his girlfriend for you he would have done so by now. The fact you have great sex together just means he will continue to use you for as long as you let him.
Besides, would you really want a relationship with a guy that has already proved to you that he has no problem with cheating on his girlfriend if the opportunity presents itself? After all, the next girlfriend he treats this way could be you if you were to get together.
You keep telling yourself to stop seeing him for a reason, and that is because it is the best thing you can do.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aisforacting +, writes (4 September 2009):
 This is a hard situation and I feel for you.
Hontestly though, ask him if he would rather be with you or her. If he chooses you then thats great, but if he is only using you for sex, dump him.
You are worth more than just sex, ya know? Sex is great at first, but then you start craving a relationship.
You should have a real relationship with the right guy, and if he isn't right. the right guy will find you.
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A
female
reader, jumpsuit01 +, writes (4 September 2009):
 First of all, if the guy has a girlfriend, you should leave him alone. forget about him. how would you feel if your boyfriend was with another girl? and second, if hes doing this to his girlfriend now what makes you think he wont do it to you if you get together? Is he really worth that?
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