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female
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*almaniac
writes: My bf and I broke up in August and basically had no contact for 2 months..I only saw him once and he only called me once (he ignored all my attempts). Our breakup was primarily because of our distance apart and being busy and dealing w/other non relationshp issus. Anyway about 3wks ago we ran into each other and now have kinda been on/off again. I'll stop by his apt btw classes and nap w/him and one of us will have our arms wrapped around the other holding hands but just sleeping. We might have small chit chat before one of us has to leave and a few kisses in btw but that's about it. We'll kiss goodbye and then pretty much don't talk again until I'm back in town (twice a week) for class. If we do talk it's always me calling him and the convo is 5min or less.The thing is is that I am now moving back to that town in 2 weeks and everyone thinks it's because of him. He was in a factor in it at first but I ultimately made the decision during one of our 'offs'. At the beginng everyone loved him and we were an awesome couple and he gave me so much love and attention and made me so happy. I've wanted him back all this time but now that we're hanging out again it's not at all what it was like before and nobody is supporting our relationship anymore. My family thinks he's bringing me down and that I can do better and my friends hate that I go back to him after every off and that he's stringing me along. His best friend/roommate thinks I'm obsessive (nobody had any problem w/the relationship or w/liking each other until it all started to get rocky). My bf's family thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, while my mom is telling me to stay away from him. Everyone was so happy for us in the beginning and now except for his family, all our friends and my family hate that we're together. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'll finally be living closer to him again and we're starting to get close again but he's not giving me the love/affection he used to. Everyone else's opinions are giving me 2nd thoughts about being w/him but I keep wondering if things will change when I move because we'll hopefully get to spend some more time together besides just napping togethr or if this is really going nowhere? I really do love him and think it could finally work out now if we both tried but I've been trying for over 2 months now and just keep getting mixed messages from him (yesterday he was wearing a ring I gave him right before we broke up in August that he's never worn except for the night I gave it to him and held me tight while we slept but then doesn't seem to care if we see or talk to each other). I also hate that everyone's so disapproving now. Anyone have any insight into what's going on or what I should do?
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best friend, broke up, mixed messages, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 Hey,
there is only one thing to say to your problem - short and sweet honey. He left you for a reason, move on. He left you, it's his loss. You obviously deserve better!
xxPhoebexx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): Hi, I'm suffering a similar situation to yours.
Firstly all friendships and relationships should be two way I think. You're calling him but he's not bothering with calling you. Do you really need someone who isn't bothering any more ? Chasing men just dosen't work in my experience, I know it's hard not to but I would advise against it. Distant (you dont say how far) dosen't stop people getting together if they really want to. Think about how far you would travel to see him if things were back as they were in the beginning ? Your family and friends usually have your best interests at heart, you should listen to them as long as you feel you can trust that it is your interests they have as the priority. If his best friend thinks you're obssessive - he's probably told your ex this. Maybe your ex if just enjoying the ego boost of knowing you're running after him ? Probably enjoying the cuddles too. Mixed messages in my opinion are exactly that, mixed, murky and if a man really loves you he will make it obvious. Probably not what you want to hear, but think about how you yourself would make your feelings known if you were feeling this way about someone.
You don't say how old you and he is ? Was the relationship a sexual one ? I can recommend some good books for you to read, 1). "why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov 2). "He's just not that into you" (can't find book to tell your author at present). The first book is very good and I have used the advice in it and was surprised at the outcomes ! You mention about the ring but I really think that if he cared that much he would be ringing you. Hope some of this might help you face up to what is more than likely the truth behind "mixed" messages from men. From Lisa (UK). PS go find someone else who will ring you - you deserve a phone call !
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