A
female
age
13-15,
*earCassy
writes:Hi,everyone. I have a boyfriend. We've been together for 4 months. Strangely, we have nothing to talk about, unlike when we were friends, we could talk about almost anything. I really like him and have no intention of breaking up with him. I just have a problem with his affection. We hug sometimes, but it's only when I ask for it. He'll never do it on his own, except for when I have to go home. He'll never kiss me. He kissed me twice. Once on the cheek and the other time on the lips, but he hasn't done it again. I just want him to be more affectionate. I can't just be in a relationship without any affection. I need to feel like I'm cared about and loved. I also have a problem with the way he hugs me. He only hugs me with one arm. That just really, truly bugs me and makes me think that he doesn't like hugging me and it also hurts my feelings a little. I know that sounds stupid to be hurt by something like that, but I just am. We hug only for a second. He'll give me mostly quick hugs. How do I tell him and talk to him about all the things I've just discussed? I want to talk to him about it instead of just showing him this or writing this down. How can I talk to him about all these things without seeming like I'm nagging him or trying to change him? All answers appreciated.xxx Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I know what you mean.when I was 13,I had a boyfriend,and he would give me those half hugs.And ONLY when I asked.One time he kissed me,but that was only because I told him too.We held hands,but only for a short period of time.It's quite annoying.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Yes, I do understand, hon, and thanks for the chance to talk in your pm. I hope I helped more. (xox)
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A
female
reader, DearCassy +, writes (1 March 2009):
DearCassy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't want any sex from him!Why can't anybody understand that?!I just asked you how to talk to him about getting him to hug me more.I don't want any sex.I'm asking you how to communicate with him on this problem.
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A
male
reader, Islander +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Well, first of all you are still too young. dont get me wrong i know how you feel and probobly you might say that i'm still young too which is actully true but well i kinda have a mature brain for my age(i dont mean to brag about it). Tom is right you need to respect his feelings too relationship=comunication,understanding. well the way you say things is jsut like you just want him for now and after you get what you want you'll leave him just like Tom said you sound like "grab and go".
I sudgest that you take your time with each other and really get to know each other more. There is no need to rush about physical intimacy. It will soon come if you are willing to wait for it and understand how your b/f feels for the mean time. just remember to take time with it there's no need for rush you are still young.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): DearCassy,..I think he may feel a little nervous about going further than he wants to at this point. Four months is really not a very long time, though it may seem like it for you. You say you "want" him to do this and that, but he won't "do it" like you want. Well, does he really know that you feel as strongly as you do? And what exactly do you feel? Are you sure? Is it him you feel strongly for or do you just want the feeling of physical intimacy? Think about this. Physical intimacy, even hugging and kissing can bring on very strong responses from boys his age. He may not feel he is ready to deal with that yet. Because it is not something that can always just be turned off at will. He may feel, and rightly so, that it could lead to something neither of you are ready for yet. You say you "really like him". Well, then you should also respect how he feels. Have you ever just told him how much you care for him and like being with him? If you are not careful, he may simply think you are after a "grab" only...and would do it with any boy. You are both very young, honey, and I know you hate hearing that...but it is still true. Don't push him into a place where he feels he must do something he isn't ready for just to keep you as a special person. You see, it can work both ways, with a reticent boy and an aggressive girl...as well as the other way round.
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