A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,Can anyone help me with this problem? I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. The trouble is that whenever we go out for a drink he always strikes up a long conversation with the barmaid and it could be in any pub.Now don’t get me wrong; I don’t expect him to just talk to me and no one else, but he always seems to take a real interest with any female he talks to. I sometimes feel left out because it always seems a two-way conversation with him and them and I’m the gooseberry.I told him that he seemed too familiar with the barmaids but he says I’m being stupid. Where I like to sit down at a table once we have got our drinks, my fella would just keep talking while I’m standing there like a statue. He asks them questions about their life history.Am I being unfair with him? If he knows how I feel, why does he keep doing it? Maybe he likes getting me jealous? What shall I do?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 December 2005):
 I'd get involved in those conversations from now on, actively participate. If he's doing this to embarass you by leaving you left out then that will solve it. Also simply may the resolve NOT to let yourself be jealous and show him. If he's playing a game he'll tire of it pretty soon.
A
male
reader, Qui-Gon-Jim +, writes (17 December 2005):
 It's a tricky one, and, depending on who your guy is, I'm not too sure what it could be. But I'm betting it's one of these:
1) The socialist: Do you often find that he strikes up conversation with strangers? Goes to lots of social outings he doesn't even like? Spend a lot of time talking with the mates? Sounds like a bit of a socialist (no, he's not a politician). All this means is he likes the company of new and exciting people, and that talking to the barmaid (a pretty woman) is just another socially friendly and fun thing to do! Humans (especially men) are very social creatures, and much of our behaviour in everyday life is affected by other peolpe - you'd be surprised!
2) Attention seeker: No, he's not a spoilt brat, but he likes attention! Another quality common with men is that they need lots of attention. Perhaps he feels that he wants more attention (maybe from others, or from you by making you a little jealous). Either way, he doesn't mean to do it - again, it's one of those sub-conscious psychological things.
It all sounds a little vague, I know, but there's really no blaming him - what he's doing, he probably doesn't realise doing it! Just give him a little nudge in the right direction every so often, and the problem should be solved... :-)
Qui-Gon xxx
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