A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: i met a woman at a dance class who became my regular dance partner. it was obvious from the start that there was a very powerful chemistry between us,but she was married and apart from a bit of flirting and a few long hugs,nothing went on between us.i was single when we met and found that i could no longer take the pain and frustration i felt each week when we parted,so i quit the dance class and tried to find someone to date.this was about 18 months ago and i have had two failed relationships in that time. i feel that they failed because i couldn`t get my dance partner off my mind and had a feeling that one day we would somehow get together. i bumped into her about four weeks ago,when she amazed me by bursting into tears informing me that her husband had left her for a younger girl about 3 months ago.she is distraught about the whole thing and wants him back,but he is not interested. i want what is best for her but can not pretend that i would love to start a relationship with her but understand that she needs time to get over this and also needs to find herself again. she knows that i care deeply about her but i have never told her how i really feel.how do i go on from here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for all the advice given.I always intended to give this lovely lady all the support and time she needed to get over this ordeal.I will keep you all posted on the outcome. This is a fantastic site and I really appreciate the people who have taken the time to advise me. Happy new year to you all. Peter
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Dear Poster
Relationships are very interesting but can be very complicated. There are no hard and fast rules, there are however certain basic guidelines that can help to improve relationships or at times red flags that can be recognized as potential dangers.
I suggest as you stay in contact with this lady; be a good friend; yes, tell her how you feel about her, but also that you have lots of respect for her. Make it clear that you are there for her and that she can count on you; DON'T rush into a relationship with her; take it slow and easy, be happy with friendship for now; give her time to heal; I have seen many a friendship develop into relationships.
If you think you care enough and have the patience to give her time to heal and find herself; By being friends it will give you the opportunity to get to know each other better and to establish if you are really compatible or not.
Best wishes, lots of smiles to you. Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (27 December 2008):
no offense pvtguy but I don't think you read his message closely. Her husband LEFT her. If her husband doesn't respect their relationship, then I certainly don't think we don't need to worry about respecting him.
Poster, I think you should be honest with her. Tell her that you are her friend and care for her very much and that comes first. But then tell her that you have always thought she was a very beautiful and special woman and have always been interested in her, and if she had not been married, you would have asked her out long ago. Tell her you respect what she is going through and that she needs time, but when she is ready you would love to take her on a date, if she would like that. Until then, you are her friend and are there for her, whatever she needs, and there is no pressure whatsoever.
I think she would very much appreciate knowing that at this difficult time in her life. For now it may just be an ego boost for her, after being abandoned by her husband. But if you truly are a good friend to her, then in time she could grow to have genuine feelings for you. Just be careful that you don't become the "rebound guy" and go slow.
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