A
female
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anonymous
writes:I am in a real quandry over what to do with my guy and his lying to me.This is such an immature stupid problem that I am embarassed to be writing this. I have been close friends and lovers with this younger man for over 2 years now, and our relationship has always been fun and close and he has never really called me his girlfriend, only I am ......he lived with me for 7 months and I have recently asked him to move out because it was meant to be temporary while he was starting a new job, actually we were working and starting a new job that did not ramp up for awhile in pay....you needed several months of savings to live on and due to some unexpected expenses, he wasn't able to swing it on his own....well, I started feeling that he was taking advantage and taking me for granted a little and I asked him to move.....he also had been going out a lot for hours at a time prowling the bars with his guy friends and not calling as the night wore on and he shouldn't be driving and drinking because he has gottne into some trouble over that before......and I don't deserve that kind of treatment....and we have had some fights over his inconsideration.......and one night it was pretty bad and I locked him out so I could tell when he came home so he would ring the bell, but he called me on the phone istead and started saying some really crazy things and I got scared and called the police because I thought he was trying to break in when I asked him to leave, and immediately after I did it I realized I made a wrong move and tried to cancel it, and they wouldn't they came over any way and he ended up leaving for the night.....and walking to an ex girlfriend's house as she was the only one nearby 'cause the cops wouldn't let him drive his car and he lied about it and said he slept outside....I don't care that he stayed with her, nothing happened I don't think, but he lyed and I do care about that...then this same ex started calling him all of the time on my phone, and he asked her to stop right in front of me and then she sent him an email to his account knowing that I could read it and saying how he would meet her somewhere and when he could escape from me he would come to see her and that the two of them were always all over each other....and she knows I can read this.....so we blocked her email and he told her in front fo me to never call him again or speak to him...thing is, he has been lying to me alot.....he moved in with another girl friend who is a single mom with a 13 year old daughter and she has known him for 12 years, 12 years ago they lived together for 2 years as girlfriend/boyfriend when her daughter was a baby.....and he calls her his roommate and she calls herself that....thing is he mentioned he might be moving in with her as such and when I asked him several times before he moved out, he denied it and got mad at me for asking, made a big story how he was moving into a one bedroom house wouldn't tell me the address and that he would have me over when he got it fixed ups because he was embarassed.....it has been a little over a week now and he reassures me nothing has changed that he will come over and spend the night and will have me over....well I found out through another mutual acquaintence that he probably never counted on that he in fact did move in with this girl into a three bedroom house and I told him I found out and he still tried to make up something at first but now he admits it....and when I asked him why he would lie if he planned to have me over he said that his "roommate" did not want me to come over because of the incident where I called the police and she doesn't want any drama over there.....and I got mad that he even told her about that because I thought we had that all worked out....but this same friend that told me about where he lived and who with said he called me Psycho and that I was obsessed with him and that he justified living with me and helping him because I was obsessed, as in he might as well have taken advantage of me.... I am devestated by this and I told him I no longer believed anything he said and I don't know why he would tell people that I am psycho and that he never touched me, and so forth....and he said you are not my girlfriend. And I said well I am not crazy, we have been in a romance for a couple of years, you say things to make me think so....too many to mention here and you tell me you love me all of the time, I didn't make up anything! I can't beleive you did this to me it is devestating.....he has called several times since about picking up some things he left here in my house and about something he needed my help with and about his job and saying something about how he wanted to be cream of the crop....like he is trying to win my approval, but I can't face him right now and don't know what to think.He is blaming me for all of the relationship problems just now, when a month or so ago he said he wanted to go to a couple's counselor with me. I don't know if he has been screwing around with that ex he told off in front of me or if this is her usual bs where she tries to ruin everything for him, she has borderline personality disorder, don't know if I should trust him there, and I don't know what to believe about the woman he is living with, I did talk to her briefly on the phone and asked her if she was his roommate and she said yes, but how do I know if she is not his fwb as well? I mean this guy and I have talked about the future and even danced around the subject of marriage to each other.I feel like never talking to him, I want to run, my heart is telling me so, but I love him very much and I truly wanted this relationship to work, I think for some reason I love him more than anyone in my life...but I know I don't deserve this and I deserve the official title of being his girlfriend. I think he wants to tell everyone he is single because he is in no financial position to get married for quite awhile probably and he has issues with his child and the child's mother not cooperating with visitation and other things....What a mess. I haven't really spoken to him much more about this except to tell him I am not ready to see him and no he couldn't come over and get the furniture he left here todday.Any help out there for repairing this relationship? Or getting him to admit his fault......I think no contact for awhile would do it, he needs to feel rejected by me and that is what I did when I told him I don't trust you and I can't believe you did this to me and why?
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ex girlfriend, immature, moved in, moved out, roommate Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes he gave me some money for that, but he also took advantage in that he did not always have enough money to share gas to work but he had enough to go out drinking at the bars even though he did not spend that much and others bought him beer,etc....still he did not seem to adjust his lifestyle where I did for him.....but he was sometimes good about giving money later when he had it.....it just irked me, see I am the one with all of the anger over his behavior and I guess he took the one bad thing I did and ran with it.......and makes it all about me it seems right now.....and I would like to own that and discuss it, but I am not going to negotiate a relationship where I have to just put up with him, so he moved out and I was hoping things would get better, but then all the lying and calling me Psycho....maybe I should just get over that if he would just apologize, and explain, but he is denying he said that, said he told them what I did and they said I was Psycho, but that is not what the girl said, she was on my side and doesn't even want to have anything to do with him anymore, the friend who told me where he was living and who with.....it is so ridiculous....he acts like he has to be afraid of me because I am Psycho....he knows I am angry and that is what he fears, but deal with it is what I say......but maybe I am wrong about that there in my confusion and disappointment.
A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (8 February 2009):
 This all sounds rather complicated. Are you sure you want to repair this relationship? It doesnt sound like he is the kind of person who would solve his own problems. First he takes advantage of living with you - did he give you any money for that? I dont agree with how he behaves and personally I wouldnt want to repair such a messy relationship. All that lying....
You sound like a very mature and confident person, do not hang on to the loser, he is only driving you backwards.
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