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anonymous
writes: hi there i have a 12 yr old girl and an 11 year old boy and since their dad left and we divorced 6 years ago i have always tried to be there for my kids.throughout this time i have struggled with an alchol addicition but have really tried to turn my life around. now im gettin it thrown in my face, not the adiction but how "sad" i am as a mom, how im not down with the msn.I've tried to buy new clothes my daughter loves but my son hates how i shouldnt go out and in my mind be normal (have a nice time at a pub or club) and bearing in mind they are at their nans when i go out they still try to dictate. i have always gone soft on my kids buying and givin as i could afford.last year the kids went down to their dads in london it was supposed to be a week away they foned and asked for a further 3 wks making it a total of 4 out of 6 on their return they asked if they had to do that again i said no it was what they wanted and now they are throwing that in my face how do i win with my kids
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reader, cd206  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Your kids are just at that age. You'll be pleased to know it's a stage that passes. As it is their dad lives far away and because of this he's become the cool parent, the one who can spoil them without having to discipline them etc. As their full time mum you can't be like that. Something which occurs to me from reading your question is that you feel like you have to make up your past mistakes to your kids and maybe, in doing so, you've become a bit soft on them. I don't think it hurts to respect your parents, maybe even fear them a little. You just need to try and re-establish your authority and realise you can't be cool in their eyes at this age. If you're not sure how to go about all this most local councils run parenting classes that may be able to give you some tips.
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female
reader, baybee_shiv_x  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 well...im 13 myself and my mum says the same about me...the way to win? well ...give them what they want and they'll always be on your side...but that will make them spoiled...kids act like they are angry with you because they want attention...so give it to them....when they answer back be funny...twist things...like say that your child said leave me alone" say something like "if i left you alone too long youd start to smell" my mum does it all the time and now we get along like a house on fire! All they want is attention so show them as much love as possible! good luck xx
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