A
female
age
36-40,
*etite
writes:Dear Agony aunts,My sister recently got engaged to a guy that i just saw once before. At the engagement party i found him to be really unattractive and short for my sister. My sister is very beautiful and i felt like they looked like beauty and the beast. I cant deny that he has a great personality and head over heels in love with my sister but i just cant accept the fact that she will spend her life with a person who does not match up with her looks! Am i being crazy? Is inner beauty only what counts?Thanks All
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Your sister is just deep and full of awareness.. she wants great personality and love and she got them .. you only want looks .. you will only get a good looking man..you're not a teen .. try to overcome your stupid shallow way of thinking ..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Your being sallow. If he was ugly and treated her like crap then maybe I could see, but your sister loves him. What difference dose it make to you? You don't have to wake up next to him everyday. (you live in the USA so I think you will get this reference) Look at Hilary Duff and her hockey player now husband. He is butt ugly, but they seem to be very in love, so who cares? I understand your concern, but you need to just except it.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I understand. Even if she doesn't worry about his looks, it's true that over time, it could subconsciously affect how she thinks of him and could be an issue down the line even if she never realizes that's the problem... BUT! As for your actua question: no looks are not what matters. What matters is whether she's happy. Is she happy? Does she love him? Then be happy for her. Better looking guys can be scum, and even homely men can have all the traits she needs to be happy.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (22 April 2011):
hmm maybe you should think about your "beauty and the beast" comment. Just because you don't find him attractive, does not mean that your sister doesn't. She obviously loves him dearly and he makes her happy. What's wrong with that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Mind your own business. Looks arnt every thing, they fade away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Yeah you are being crazy, you're not dating him, your sister obviously finds him attractive so what if he doesn't match your version of beautiful?
I might look at you and think "oh my god what an ugly skanky freak of a woman" but would I think you're not good enough for my brother because of that? No, because everyone views beauty in different ways.
Would it be fair for me to judge you like that? No, I'm not the one dating you so your appearance has nothing do with what I think. Only what my brother thinks. Plus it's a lot easier to have a platonic friendship with someone who you don't find attractive, if your sister started dating some beautiful hunk that might cause problems.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Does he make your sister happy?
Are you being crazy? No, just incredibly shallow.
Over the years, looks fade, wrinkle, sag... That's why there are more important things to look for in a match, like how happy they make you, how good your communication is, how compatable you are...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2011):
 I feel for you. I really do. I work at customer service and every day I see unattractive people. Sometimes I ask myself can I marry this person or that person, a bold person, a face full of big pores, pimples, discoloration, and then I feel guilty of judging people of how they look, I feel arrogant about seeing people as good or bad, and that I am above people who don't look as good. You are not being crazy. Physical beauty is very important too but for men career and a responsible heart is more important than looks. Looks is rank #1 for women and only a #4 for men. You may be worried that there are not enough good man to go around. If a guy is attractive then he must be a player. It's as if you have to choose between a dream lover and a good provider. Don't worry it's your sister's life not yours.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2011):
 Why can't you accept that? What's not to accept about a guy who is flat out crazy in love with your sister and no doubt treats her like a queen? So he may look like Quasimodo (I'm guessing he's not THAT bad), but she thinks he's Prince Charming!
Think of it this way. In 40 years, neither of them will be fashion models. But if they're holding hands in public still, and loving each other, that's more beautiful and precious than looks anyways.
He may not be beautiful, but his love is. What's even better is that many really beautiful people have relied on their looks to compensate for a lack or deficiencies in qualities like generosity, love, and kindness. People respond to their looks, so they need none of the personality and people skills that most average people must cultivate.
I'm not putting you down. In fact, I commend you for loving your sister enough to feel that she deserves the best. Just open your mind and heart to see that if she really loves him, and he really loves her, and he makes her utterly happy, then he is the best. I'm guessing that with time, you too will see the beauty in this "beast".
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