A
male
age
51-59,
*ncertain906
writes:I am a man who adores his wife of 6 years. I am not at all a jealous man, and I see the world in shades of grey, which means I consider why, not just what.2006 was a bad year, misunderstandings all year long. To keep this short:1)I have facts\evidence of lies and deceit during this time on her part2)I have a lot of circumstantial evidence leading me to believe she had an affair with a married co-worker.3)With all the drama, I can understand and forgive the affair, if at all, but need the truth for integrity sake.4)A one-time PI investigation confirmed that at the very least a close friend relationship with a male co-worker. Also confirmed that she was lying and deceiving me about facts while in his presence.5)This period went on for about 4.5 - 6 months, and led to a major episode of anxiety on my part so clarity could be compromised, but lets please not write everything off to that. It's a reaction, not a cause.5)She knows I know some things that I have not disclosed to her and feel I can't yet. 6)Someone besides my one-time PI followed her, clear based on her story about the event. She thought I did it, and probably still believes that, but truth is I didn't. Who was that? The other man's spouse's PI??? Did I nail the suspect?7)I want her to talk to me about what was really happening, and conceed that I could be wrong about the affair. She will not discuss it at all, period, end of story. I need her to talk to me regardless so I can get over whatever it is I need to get over. I can't do either right now, she only see's things through her eyes. Integrity is important to me.Who, what is she protecting here?? I can only conclude that she feels she can't tell me the truth, which is a bother of its own. I want to forgive her, I love her with all my heart, but she needs to talk to me so we can move on. I am stuck and need advice on how to get her to understand.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (15 February 2007):
 As you point out by the fact that she won't discuss the situation, there is a lack of communication here.
I think you need to find out what it is she wants from her relationship with you. If she wants someone else, she needs to tell you. If she's hiding a deep dark secret that she won't reveal to you, then maybe it's time you moved on without her.
Trust, communication, and loyalty are all major parts of a relationship. It seems these are all missing from yours.
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