A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[MODERATOR NOTE: Two questions from the same poster have been combined into one.]At 36 I have almost given up hope of ever finding Mr Right. I have had a few relationships, most never get past the one year point, a couple have been longer. But ALL of them have gone no where...ie no mention of future together, like settling down or marriage.At the age I am at now, the men I date are usually divorced, and speak as though they have been so hurt by their ex wives that they will never commit again.Maybe it is only my experience, but I have noticed that men and women have a very different opinion on what 'taking things slowly' means.To a man it means, having the benefits (sex etc) but no commitment yet.To a woman it means not rushing into having sex until your sure this guy is a keeper and not a player.So, what hope for me? I haven't had my fairytale, I am just getting other women's cast offs/damaged goods.Just because someone hurt you before, why should it stop you from committing again in the future?
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female
reader, pinktopaz  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
Well relationships are never a fairytale...it's a story. I think that rather than waiting around for years to figure out what someone wants, find out at the beginning. It sounds like you do find out a little bit, but then settle hoping that they'll change their mind or figure out what they want. It's okay that while you're getting to know someone and it seems to be leading to a relationship to figure out what they want. Are they looking for something casual or serious that could lead to marriage? If their ultimate goal isn't the same as yours, then you can decide to move on rather than waiting around for someone that doesn't know what they want and strings you along.
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