A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I have a question.I've always struggled with hearing and paying attention to people. When strangers talk to me, I freeze and have trouble understanding what they're saying when I feel nervous. I have to ask people to repeat themselves sometimes. Other times I just nod and smile, because I feel too embarrassed to ask over and over again for them to explain what they said. I feel like people often speak too fast and I have to struggle to keep up with group conversations. When I watch tv or use the computer, and people speak to me I can't hear what they're saying half the time. It's like they never spoke. I do have a memory of someone speaking, but I never realize they're speaking to me until they get close and yell for my attention. Lately I've finally felt like I've gotten better at these things. Although I feel very tired after I've had interactions with people.Now for the relationship part: I've been married for a year and a half and the only real argument that my husband and I keep having is that I don't listen.I try to explain that it's really hard for me to focus, but he gets very impatient with me and tells me rude things like "You never listen" or "you wouldn't know anyway because you never listen." I tell him that I've been like this all my life and he huffs impatiently and tells me "well, fix it!". He says that I'll have a difficult time getting a job or doing well at work because of this. I'm getting really frustrated with him, he's pretty rude to me about that and other things while we're in front of other people. I don't feel like he respects me. I'm having a lot of trouble getting a job, but he's not very supportive, he just tells me I'm not trying hard enough.So, my first question is: should I go to the doctor for this situation? And what should I do with my husband when he starts acting that way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): I had the same problem years ago until I found the correct depression medication effexor or generic. It seems the serotonin in my brain was out of sorts. I haven't had that problem since, except the occasional selective listening lol.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Don't forget to come back and update your post, we'd all love to see what the doctor has to say.
Chart down anything you notice, anything that triggers, or times of stress when concentration may be worse. Record sleeping patterns and anything else that you think may help.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): To Miamine from OP:
I've never noticed waking up at odd times, but I'll keep an eye on that from now on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): OP again! Thanks for your responses! I really appreciate the time all of you have taken to answer this question. I feel like I'm often alone in the matter, but I'm finding some hope that it can be solved and that it's something I need help with. I'm looking into going to a doctor as soon as I can. I've been normal at school when I was a child. I was a straight A student until puberty, then I had trouble doing homework and focusing on what was being said in class. So I slumped from B to C. My parents never really supported me when I started having problems at school with classmates. I started to become ultra sensitive to comments and large crowds of people. I became really antisocial. I don't know about my parents, since I have no point of reference. I have very few friends and I find it's really hard to be social, but I'm getting better at it.The only thing I get frustrated with myself is that when I have to make a proactive decision I freeze. Like come up with a comeback, solve a logical problem or step up to the occasion. It's been my lifelong frustration. I've heard so many times "You are very smart, but you often get stuck." I get tired when I go out and run errands. My mom who is 56 has more energy and motivation than I do. I don't mean to sound like a downer, but just giving more information about the subject. As for my husband, he's on the defensive a lot of the time because I figured I tend to say really mean things to him because I don't watch my mouth. I tend to blurt out things without thinking. Still, he's smart enough to google what I'm saying and come up with the same conclusion that I did: I'm not doing it on purpose and that it's not something I can easily control.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2012):
 My younger son is ADHD primarily inattentive it means he does not have they hyperactivity aspect. Hyperactivity in adults is not all about running around and not sitting still btw... it's more of a fidgeting leg shaking kind of thing....
I strongly recommend a complete work up to rule out medical issues including depression (which can occur with ADHD) and other biochemical imbalances....
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 February 2012):
Just seen your follow up... Again, you must see a doctor.
Your doctors have suggested depression, and I thought about this as well.. That's because depression can be atypical and hidden.. you don't cry all the time with this type of depression but you do have concentration problems and are tired all the time, sensitivity to noise and difficulty in socialising. That's why depression isn't just about thinking positively, or "pulling yourself together". Some types of depression have chemical causes and result in both mental and physical symptoms. Depression is more than being unhappy or in a very low mood.
One indicator I found out.. do you wake up at the same time in the morning at a very strange hour... like 6:03, or 7:22
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 February 2012):
Think you should go and speak to your doctor.. low attention span could be anything. My first thought was some type of anxiety or social disorder.. but I'm not a doctor and you need to see one if your having problems..
It really could be anything, either mental or physical. (maybe you have slight hearing problems... who knows)
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Not all those diagnosed with ADD are hyperactive. There's different forms of ADD.
I would seek medical evaluation immediately by your GP. They'll most likely put you on Adderall or a generic that will enhance listening and comprehension skills.
As far as your DH goes, I'd explain that you suspect you have ADD and that you are trying to address the issue properly..So for now he has to be patient with you.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (31 January 2012):
 As an audiologist, I'd say definitely get a baseline hearing test to rule out any actual hearing loss (you'd be surprised at how even a mild loss can impact comprehension). If the hearing is ok, you could have something along the lines of ADHD or even a central auditory processing disorder. Also, stress and lots of external activity/background noise can impact how well you understand what is being said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): OP here:
no, I have never had medical work done for ADHD. I've had shrinks diagnose me with depression before, but I don't consider myself a depressed person. Just more of an anxious one.
I do suspect I have ADD. I am not hyperactive, on the contrary, I get tired easily and drag out things to be done. I have a lot of memory problems. He gets frustrated and angry with me because he can be talking about something and then I won't remember what he said at all. I'm not doing it on purpose.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
Do you have ADHD or anything that would explain why you don't listen or hear them? I have a hard time hearing things and find that Email works better for me when discussing things for the household with my fiance.
With my PDD son I would grab his face and make him look at me to make sure he HEARD me.
then make him repeat it back....
it's very frustrating for you and for them I am sure
have you had a medical work up to rule out physical problems?
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