A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 28 years old and i am married. i love my fiance but i have to do everything for her. I cook, clean, do all the laundry, pay bills, do all the house work and maintain the cars that we have. when i dont do something for her she starts getting in an ugly mood so i just try to keep her happy. i wouldnt mind doing any of those things if we both did them but it seems like its getting worse. I hardly ever ask to her to do anything for me but the other day i justed asked her to cut uo some watermelon for me to take to work and she told me no and she went to bed. I have approched her about this before and it just becomes an argument. What am i suppose to do.
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female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 She acts like a spoilt high school brat.tell her to do her share of chores,tell her how frustrating she has become.tell her if she doesnt change her attitude,surely you will leave.the world has been freed from slavery since the 1800s.you deserve some respect
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Please, break this off. The best predictor of the future is the past behavior. Are you going to keep working harder just so you don't get more s**t. It's slavery not a relationship.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 She knows that you love her. That is why she told you that if you didn't like it then to leave cause she knew you would stay. Does she have a job? Even if she does a marriage is two people and not just one person doing everything and making the other person happy.
Tell her how you feel. You are 28 years old, do you feel like doing this into your old age? You aren't her parent so don't treat her like a child. She can wash her own laundry and do her own dishes until she learns that marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship.
Even if you two do argue, it's not a bad thing to fight as long as its constructive fighting and not degrading fighting where you two take turns trading insults.
She needs to know how you feel even if she doesn't like what you are telling her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): She sounds VERY lazy and selfish. Whether she's aware how selfish she's being I do not know, but you do need to tell her, regardless of the arguments. It can't go on like this I bet you're exhausted! And you no way will be able to keep this up when you're a lot older. How long have you been married?
It sounds like you're too soft with her too - Perhaps this is the reason why she's letting you do everything. You give into her to make her 'happy' and she isn't aware these things are bothering you which I'm sure it would anyone. I know it would me.
You just need to tell her how you feel. Explain to her you do not want to argue and just go through a few things of what you've said here. Say you're struggling to cope doing everything by your self, etc etc.. If she does really love you, she WILL understand.
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A
female
reader, Zuie  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Have you asked her what her side of the story is? I'm sure that it is very frustrating for you and you feel disrespected, even emasculated. But pointing something out to her in way that seems like you're making her 'the bad guy' (even though she may be) won't make her want to change her behviour. Try to make a point of having a talk with her about this, without mentioning how you feel or what the facts of the situation are. Ask her what her feelings about it are and try to find the deeper meaning behind her behaviour. It may be that on some level she's testing you, or punishing you, or has been taken advantage of in previous relationships. Or it could be that she's had someone take care of her her entire life and is spoilt, but I'd guess there's probably an issue here that you're not seeing yet. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can resolve this!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Speak to her about setting up a chore rota. Tell her she is taking you for granted and you need her help to get the housework done. If she won't listen to reason just stop doing chores for her. Cook your own food, wash your own clothes. Tell her when she's ready to share you'll be ready to share too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks... when we first got together she use to do everyhing and then she went to nursing school i took over off everything. it has been a year since she has graduated and it just has been getting worse. I have sat her down befor and she pretty much said if i didnt like it just to leave. She always tells me that she loves me but if that was true why did she say that.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Hmm this is a tricky one to say the least, it sounds to me like you have married a very lazy woman. Im not sure what would be the best way to go around this. I think you just need to be honest with her, sit her down and tell her you dont mind doing things for her and looking after her but that she needs to share half of the responsibilty as well, tell her you both need to take it in turns to cook and clean as this is only fair. If she refuses then tell her that you just cant live like this anymore as its all to much for you.
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