A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I slept with a guy who was a virgin, but only found out afterwards. Now he's in contact with me all the time. I personally feel terrible, taking his virginity, especially as he had been drinking. I feel like I've 'spoiled' him. Because he had been drinking, i'm scared that because i'm sexually experienced i may have initiated it (but i had his consent). Although i love him to bits, he's a great guy, i don't have much intention to get together with him. We're such close friends. I think I'm being paranoid but i feel guilty about taking something so special from someone who means alot to me. Hes told me he loves me now aswell.What shall i do? please help! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 I've gone through this with at least four of my close guy friend (wow, that sounds bad). I made the mistake of assuming it was no big deal in each case (yea, I never learn) and each time it bit me in the ass. If you want to keep him as a friend the best thing to do it to confront his feelings and be honest about the fact that while you're close, there is NO romantic future between you. Don't make a big deal about how hooking up was a mistake or he'll feel like a mistake, just set the record straight. If he doesn't get the picture and continues to profess his love for you, tell him kindly that if he can't bear to be just friends than you just can't be his friend. It's a crappy situation, remember that and try not to let it happen again. Best wishes.
-Jmo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): He should have told you before it was his first time. That part is not your fault. But you need to tell him that you don't want a relationship. He is going to be hurt.Try being as nice as possible about this matter and maybe next time if you want to have sex with a friend stop and think is it going to change the friendship and do you want to have a relationship with that person. Good luck we all make mistakes now make it right.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Don't sleep with people when one or both parties have been drinking. Also don't sleep with friends you should be in a commited relationship. You need to tell this guy that you don't want to sleep with him agian it would be worse if you kept on doing it just not to hurt him when you had no feelings for him. Please learn from this lesson casual sex is not good it can only work if both parties know that before they have sex that it is only sex and not love it's a booty call. You did not tell this guy that so of course he might think you like him for a boyfriend. Tell him the truth before you really hurt him.
...............................
A
female
reader, debbiewebby +, writes (18 April 2008):
If you don't want a relationship with him, you need to let him know. It sounds like he may be a sensitive soul as he keeps contacting you.
By avoiding the issue you are keeping him hanging in the hope of a relationship. Let him know but don't make him feel cheap or that the "incident" was tawdry.
You may be more experienced but as you can gather from the advise of the male readers, he is probably glowing from it!
You shouldn't feel bad, he may have had a drink, but he obviously did not drink too much to carry out the deed if you know what I mean ;-)
You will feel a lot better when you have confronted the issue.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (18 April 2008):
 Well, let's be direct.
You slept with him because you wanted to. And now, understandably, he wants more. In his "spoiled" mind, he thinks that, well, since you agreed to it the first time, you might agree to some more sex now. I wonder where he got that idea from. The thing is, you don't want any more sex with him but find it difficult to say it. Why are you so afraid of telling him the truth?
And, sorry, but I think this convoluted way of speaking is a problem for you, too. If you refuse to see things the way they are, you will never deal with them as you should.
You know, it never occurred to me that my first woman took something "precious" from me. I was damned glad it happened!!! And she actually said she would love to "spoil" me.
I am happy to say that she didn't feel "terrible" after it. I, ME, MYSELF, would have felt "terrible" is she had, you know.
What's this about "having his consent" and thinking that you "might" have initiatied "it"? Of course you initiated it. Are you afraid you might have raped him? Oh My God, He was Drunk and you took his cherry!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (18 April 2008):
What you do not want to do is to treat him the way many women wish that men did not treat them. Yes, be honest with him about your feelings and their limitations. No, do not lead him on. If you like the idea of friends with benefits, then tell him and then be prepared to educate him in how a woman likes to be made love to by a man. So many o us guys get it wrong for a long time until a woman finally has the gumption to tell us how to do it right. Of course all women are different, but if a guy learns how to really satisfy a specific woman, then he is secure in the knowledge that he can and so is motivated to find out how with future partners.
Through all this though, remember that everybody has feelings even though some of us like to hide them from public view.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): I think virginity means two different things to a man and a woman. The loosing has more of an impact on women then it does on men ... nothing is broken on a man.
You shouldn't be upset with yourself, he will always remember that you were his first, and because you were willing to give of yourself, he will always be greatful.
You may not need to do anything else, just think of it as a mutual thank you and be yourself. Take it one step at a time, and don't set yourself up by thinking such things that will cause the problems your fearing. If it was enjoyable, then accept it and move on without anyother thoughts behind it.
...............................
A
male
reader, rproctor + ♥, writes (18 April 2008):
I would assume that if after having sex he contacts you constantly and tells you that he loves you that... He wants to be with you.
In my opinion I would say to let it go, and not to even really have any contact with him for a while. You might not be in "relationship" with him, but in his eyes you and him and in some type of intimate relationship especially since you two slept together. Having more sex with him should not be an option, and if you dont want to be with him then you def should not have had sex with him, or lead him on any further.
...............................
A
female
reader, love girl  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 even though he's been drinking , he doesnt feel bad about it , because if he did he wouldnt keep in touch with you and he wouldnt say that he loves you,i think that he appreciates that his first time was with someone he loves .
talk to him , but dont tell him that you dont want to be with him ,because that will just hurt him , so in my opinion , talk to him and tell him that you'e such close friends and you dont want to ruin that , but if he wants to stay with you and you want to be with him ,try it , it might work , but i cant garantee that you'll be friend agaon , it might hapen but not all the time ...
Good Luck ...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou may wonder why i slept with him if i had no intention of getting with him... We had previously gotten together and drunkenly kissed and we came to the conclusion that we should put it behind us as a young experimental thing. This time its different, cuz it was really loving and special, but i know he's not right for me and just let my lust for him get carried away.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (18 April 2008):
 What shall you do? Now you can teach him the finer points, so get him in the sack and educate him how to do things the right way. His future partners will thank you for it. Fumbling in the back seat of a car is not a good place to do this.
When I had my cherry popped by an older woman I was so grateful to get it over with, but I wish she'd have taken me in hand over the course of a few encounters and really showed me how it was done properly, and pointed out to me those parts of a woman's anatomy that were of interest instead of me having to find out the hard way. I've no doubt he feels the same way, unless he's called SouthernMan25!
...............................
A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (18 April 2008):
 He must of though you are special enough to share with,
Dont worry he wanted to do it so you dont have to feel bad.
Tell him you dont want a relationship with him a.s.p as he may be feeling you love him and could have a future with him. You need to stop him feeling like this but gently as it will probably hurt him.
Good luck.
...............................
|
