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male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. I'm in denial at the moment writting this, but I need help.. So here it goes. I have sexual thoughts about underage girls.. I'm 21 now, and it's been going on for probably the last 8 years. I didn't want to admit it at first, tried to hard to deny it, maybe even believe it's just a phase, but.. It's not. It's still here and I still have these thoughts. Now that I have admitted it, and i'm aware of it completely, I want help, but I have no idea who to go to, who to tell, is this cureable?Wearing the title of a "paedophile" is so degrading, and so disapointing to me.. I almost feel like i've let everyone down.It's definately affecting my social life, because I dont seem to be that interesting in girls my own age, and i've met some nice ones, but even just casual relationships don't excite me.. However, I dont ever walk down the street, and see a young girl and begin to get aroused, and I dont think i've ever had an urge to persue a young girl, or try to be sexual.. I can control that and still do my day to day stuff without trouble. It's more with trying to find someone my own age that I feel it's effecting the most.What can I do, what are my options? :(Peter Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Well when I was a teenager I only even wanted sex with women over 40,now I am 40 I am strong attracted to girls 14 and over,but despite what society say's I think it's natural,nature says when girls are ready not the law,and in Britain so many gorgeous looking young women out in pubs and clubs at night are 14-18,they all look 18 and get in,but if any man had sex with a girl 1 day before her 16th birthday he's be labeled an evil predatory peadaphile that deserves to rot in hell,but peadaphiles like girls under 10,but women in this country have knowingly had sex with boys as young as 12,and society excepts it and the women don't get labeled the same way or charged,but for a man to even look at a young girl is seen as bad and can get you a bad reputation,so if you can't help your feelings get castrated or take anti psychotic drugs straight way to rid yourself of your evil feelings,I can't get sex with anyone because I'm so ugly,so am trying to find someone to castrate me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Dear Peter,
I found your email fascinating, probably because we are all led to believe that people with these fantasies are terrible people so thanks for giving me an insight into the other side and allowing me to be less fearful/judgmental/ignorant for the future.
Really glad for you that you are aware of yourself and having the courage to look at something you feel is causing trouble in your life.
I suppose if you can try and understand exactly what it is that turns you on about it, you can better understand what is motivating you. Did you get fixated on the look of someone you had a crush on at school, or is it more general,is it innocence, is it fraility, is it a desire to corrupt, a school uniform, flawless beauty, is it you being powerful, being the one who teaches her about sex. If you know what the yen is, there may be a few, and what this means to you, what it does for you, how it would make you feel, you can better know yourself and better decide if it's something you could also get from an 'older' woman, like someone says there are older girls who will have some of the characteristics that younger girls don't.
You might find if it's something about how you think you'd feel, like powerful or whatever the yen is, you may change over time and circumstance, so to use the example, if you are feeling powerful in other areas of your life or in relationships, the pull of younger girls may fade, and if you become less so the yen may grow. And this may also help you if you are trying to understand yourself.
Good luck with it all, please don't be disgusted with yourself, be proud of the fact that you are trying to improve your life, it sounds like you have a lot to be proud about yourself, and don't be too deterred if progress is slow - sorry I wrote too much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): We're out here. I'm 22. I seriously feel alone in this because I never hear about it. I never am around girls my age with my job and friends so it is hard to focus my thoughts away from this addiction. I am searching or help online as well, stumbling across this forum has given me some hope. :)
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A
female
reader, helpisontheway  +, writes (20 January 2008):
hey there..underaged huh?lolita and all!!haha well u dint say if its like 14 year olds or 16 .well if its 16 then i think your fine..your too young to lose hope,n honestly i think everyone of us has a kink so this is yours,your not stalking anybody or raping anybody so u know what your normal..if u were 60 yeras old and had dirty imges bout a girl who was 14 then id think you were a pervert,your fine,you dont have a damn problem stop being so hard on yourself,the very fact that you want help shows that your fine and normal..look i know its hard and u probably dont know what to do with all the advice right,to be honest going to shrink is gonna make you feel terrible like you were some abnormal dude which your not..as long as you can control yourself its fine,if i were you i would hang out with older women,youll know the difference u can always later find somebody your age,or if its just the "im a virgin"look that turns you on..there are so many damn 18 year olds and girls in their 20's who look younger than they actually are..that would be a better option..but seriously YOU DONT HAVE A PROBLEM!!!cos if you dint have a kink then your not human..dont worry and stop thinking bout it..next time a thought like that enters our head think of i dont know..math or something stupid and shrug it off..its gonna be fine just be positive..im sure theres somebody there for you..write back to me if you like..
best of luck peter
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A
female
reader, helpisontheway +, writes (20 January 2008):
hey there..underaged huh?lolita and all!!haha well u dint say if its like 14 year olds or 16 .well if its 16 then i think your fine..your too young to lose hope,n honestly i think everyone of us has a kink so this is yours,your not stalking anybody or raping anybody so u know what your normal..if u were 60 yeras old and had dirty imges bout a girl who was 14 then id think you were a pervert,your fine,you dont have a damn problem stop being so hard on yourself,the very fact that you want help shows that your fine and normal..look i know its hard and u probably dont know what to do with all the advice right,to be honest going to shrink is gonna make you feel terrible like you were some abnormal dude which your not..as long as you can control yourself its fine,if i were you i would hang out with older women,youll know the difference u can always later find somebody your age,or if its just the "im a virgin"look that turns you on..there are so many damn 18 year olds and girls in their 20's who look younger than they actually are..that would be a better option..but seriously YOU DONT HAVE A PROBLEM!!!cos if you dint have a kink then your not human..dont worry and stop thinking bout it..next time a thought like that enters our head think of i dont know..math or something stupid and shrug it off..its gonna be fine just be positive..im sure theres somebody there for you..write back to me if you like..
best of luck peter
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): well, I know what you are talking about. I felt some kind of atraccion for underage girls, who are bout 14-16 years old. I'm 23 now and I can tell you, for me was just phase, some kind of unpleased fantasy back there when I was younger and I was at school.
now I like girls about my age, and even older. my actual girlfriend is 25. girls underage are just kids to me now and are not in my sexual preferences anymore.
maybe you should see a psychiatrist if it helps you out to feel better with yourself. as others say, its different a thought in your head from an actual action.
sorry for my bad english.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): I feel for you man. I really do. Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you, which is sad because I think there are more of us than what people realize. Although you didn't say what ages you're attracted to, as for myself, I am attracted to ages 10-15. Growing up, I just got "stuck" on that age. When I was 14 I was attracted to 14 year old girls like a normal boy. But I got older but my attraction remained at that age. Also, like you, I have no urge to actively molest or pursue young girls. I have enough self-control not to do that. Society thinks that anyone with our condition is an uncontrolable rapist, thanks to the exploitive media. While they are quick to condemn, they don't offer any help or available counciling. We might as well be lepers. We want help but because of the stigma we are frightened to even seek it. Thus we are forced to live a secret life. Alone with our fantasies we don't know how to change (if indeed they can be changed) and living with the guilt of being this way through no action or fault of our own. I wasn't abused as a child. I never "experimented" with young girls. I'm not addicted to kiddie porn. I'm just attracted to underage females. I hope someone can come on here and give us some real advice because our condition is real and we are looking for help; we just don't want to be condemned for looking for it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Is the innoncence of the younger girls a big part of the attraction?Remember that there are grown women older than yourself who have never had any sexual contact at all. Innocence (physical, emotional, etc) is not solely present in the young.For that matter, there are some underage girls who are downright jaded and slutty already.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Hi. (Peter here)Thanks alot for your replies. The last one in particular made me feel a bit more at ease. I was in a relationship with a chick the same age as me about a year ago, and i had no intimacy problems with her at all. She turned me on, and the sex was great. And i also dind't think about girls in the lower age bracket.. Yes, i feel like society had made a paedophile a stereo-type of someone cruel and sadistic to children.. I've un-installed limewire, and any file sharing program to illiminate the urge of downloading porn (had a bit of a porn addiction for a while) and also so i can't download any child porn. Like you, friend, I'll also admit i'll never have the guts to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.. I did a fair bit of research about it, and read somewhere that one possible cause is that it's a behavioural problem, and one form of treatment for this to re-learn that people of certain ages are a no-go zone, and when one is feeling aroused, they are encouraged to redirect those feelings into something more healthy, and appropriet. I've been doing this quite a bit today, and although this is only the begining, i feel like it will help.I tried looking for some type of support group, but was unsuccessful :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Hi, I'm age 20 and have the same problem. I am utterly disgusted with myself and have tried a lot of things. However I think where we differ here is I am in a relationship with a girl now and I still get turned on by her. When I am with her, I find that my problem all but disappears. Maybe this could be a starting point for you somehow?
But as far as your problem goes... I have been forcing myself to stay away from ANY material that indulges my desires - e.g. any type of erotica etc. I am not talking about child porn here but if that has become involved, then cutting stuff like that out will probably help immensely. I know that I will never have the balls to see a psychiatrist but in your case if you cannot have a relationship with a girl of your own age then maybe this is a necessity. It isn't illegal to have thoughts like the ones you are having but you know where the line is - you CAN see somebody about it and not be put in jail or branded a paedophile.
Also, a paedophile is somebody who is attracted to people who have no reached puberty. If you are attracted to girls that are merely underage, such as 12, 13, 14 year old girls, this is not particularly bad as having thoughts about girls younger than that. I suggest you read as much material as you can and maybe try to track down any occurence in your own life that might have made you start feeling this way. Do you feel like you are growing old too quickly? Things like that can often point to some kind of trauma in your life but that might not neccessarily be the case.
Try going to Wikipedia and typing in Ephebophilia and reading up on that.
Hope everything turns out alright.
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A
female
reader, snj6106  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 First off...i wouldnt call it a problem. thinking and doing are 2 completely different things. I personally thing age is nothin but a number. Just because you like someone "underage" does not make you weird. Its society making you feel that way, with how everything has a title. let me make this easier for you. My father, just turned 59 has had huge feelings for my best friend who is 1 1/2 years older than me. Im 18. He has been feeling this way for about 6-7 years. He is inlove with her. He actually cries because he is afraid something bad might happen to her and that he would never get the chance to show her how much he cares about her and loves her. He has never made a move on her. That is where you can say, "ok...now i know age means nothing but a number" You cant control your feelings, nor should you change them for anyone! If you are happy then thats what matters. who cares what anyone might think. Dont think bad about yourself. You have no reason too. You thinking about uderage girls just means your mind will never get old and you see the fun in life. You will have experience but will know how to treat a younger girl with respect, which MANY men who are the younger girls age dont feel. You are and will be wiser than them. And by the way, Pediphile (spelled that wrong haha) doesnt fit that. thats only if you make a girl do something with you thats underage...and i mean underage like 8 years old. But that goes under the catergory of rape.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  + ♥, writes (1 January 2008):
 First of all, well done for admitting you have a problem. Sometimes people bury their heads in the sand and hope it goes away while the problem grows and escalates.
There must be support groups, counselling, something like that specifically for people who feel like you do. Spend a bit of time Googling or on Yell.com.
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