A
female
age
51-59,
*orthern_star
writes:My daughter is 15, nearly 16. When she was 13, she got bullied very badly. Her mental health hasn't yet fully recovered, although she has been in therapy for attempting suicide.Her brother has Asperger's Syndrome and is quite violent. He makes life a misery for everyone in the house.My daughter is extremely happy and energetic for weeks on end. She does her make up and dresses up and goes in to town with friends. She usually comes in with the numbers of 5 or 6 boys and is generally very popular.But then she seems to just burn out. She spends about a week being extremely irritable and barely getting dressed or leaving the house.Recently, I found letters adressed to someone named Stephen. These letters weren't sent, but she writes to this person continuously, as if she is recieving replies. Throughout the letters, she also calls him E
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female
reader, northern_star +, writes (23 July 2010):
northern_star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere isn't that I know of.
Maybe my daughter has things going on that she doesn't tell me about, but I am confidant that if it was anything harmful towards her, she would tell me.
The only problems I can see are her brother being verbally and physically abusive towards us all.
A
female
reader, northern_star +, writes (23 July 2010):
northern_star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI live in Ireland. Her GP refuses to diagnose her with any mental illness as he insists it is normal.
If I go to the HSE, she will probably be taken into care. They have threatened before to take my children away, because of the condition her younger brother is in. If my daughter goes to a state psychologist/doctor, they will say that her illness has been caused by the situation at home.
She will then disappear into the State Care system, which has indirectly caused the death of countless Irish children.
However, if I go to a doctor with a probable diagnosis, we can get her taken care of before the state intervene.
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A
female
reader, northern_star +, writes (22 July 2010):
northern_star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been doing some research, and now I believe that she has Delusional Disorder.
I'm wondering, rather than getting her treated with anti-psychotics, would it be better to let her live with this, at least until things get better at home?
I know that things are very hard for her and that she never talks to anyone about it. If this is what is helping her to cope, should I let her keep it? It doesn't seem to adversely affect her.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 The best way to deal with your concerns is to go and discuss this matter with your daughters doctor. Please do that and have your concerns addressed properly.
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A
female
reader, SapphireBerry  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Sounds like she's manic depressive. One minute she feels energetic and happy the next minute she's down and out. She sounds like she does have an illness. But one that can be tended to. Maybe the boy she is writing to aswell may be like her own personal journal. People have their way of expressing their emotions. I am assuming if she is not sending the letters anywhere then it may be her way of letting it all out. I think you need to talk to her a bit, you could be her own personal journal. It will be good for her to know that people are there for her.
Sapphire x
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A
female
reader, northern_star +, writes (20 July 2010):
northern_star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is what I am mainly concerned about, but the therapist never broached the possibility of any mental illness. She just said that my daughter "needed to talk to someone" and that was that.
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A
female
reader, northern_star +, writes (20 July 2010):
northern_star is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thanks for answering.
The website cut off a lot of my question.
In the letters, she calls whoever it is Edward and James as well as Stephen.
They don't sound like venting. They are conversational and in sequence ie: there is topics that they have conversations about.
As regards her brother, there is no respite care availible for us. He does boxing but it doesn't help. Occasionally, he will go and stay with his Aunt for a night, but that is the extent of the break we get.
She is not seeing a therapist anymore, she finished when she was 14.
Again, thanks for your replies. X
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (20 July 2010):
I don't understand why everyone is saying she needs "help" over this. Am I missing something? Your daughter sounds a lot like me, although I'm 10-years older than her. However, preteen years I did get bullied a lot by other girls who were my so-called friends. Pretty much to the point where it basically changed my personality and I still have some effects of it today.
However, maybe these letters that she writes are her way of coping with this person or other things in life. A lot of people write letters or their feelings and never send them. Maybe she pretends she gets a response from him because it helps her figure out how she would respond in a certain situation.
As far as her going out and then getting burned out--it's pretty common amongst many people I know. You get in the mood and then you're just not anymore and need a break. Perhaps she does get a little depressed over something. A lot of things are happening in her life that you have absolutely no idea about. But these things would be very embarrassing to her to share with you and would absolutely humilate her. My father tried to pry something from me that I was writing, and it was a letter to a girl I hated. I would never give her that letter but it was like what another aunt said--I was venting. I was mortified and got into a huge fight with my father over it.
Maybe you've noticed other things that you haven't told us. But I honestly don't think any of it is extremely out of the ordinary. If you are concerned, then do as another suggested and let her therapist know. Ask her if she's okay and let her know that you are there to listen to her and not judge her if she has any problems.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (20 July 2010):
My heart goes out to you. Dealing with the effects of bullying can be very distressing. The same thing happen to my daughter. And i have a nephew with Aspergers, so i can understand how you feel at times. My sister in law got my nephew involved in rugby and swimming. He loves both and the physical excercise has made a huge difference to him. So if you try something along those lines, it might help him. Also acupuncture can work. It can have a calming effect and level out moods. Check with the childrens doctor first and ask if it would be ok . If so, try it with both children If your sons violent episodes dont improve, you really should seek advice from your doctor about this. Your daughter may just be writting letters to "vent". Sometimes things like that are a harmless way to off load day to day thoughts and feelings. Check with her therapist and ask if its anything to be concerned about. Also dont forget that your daughter is still a young teenager and their moods can be all over the shop at the best of times! If she is ok for weeks then her mood changes, it may just be perfectly normal PMS and nothing to be alarmed about. Try and keep a record of her mood swings and see if theres a pattern. Again, if you are overly concerned, speak to her doctor. At the end of the day, think about yourself too. It sounds as if you are keeping a lot of balls in the air for everyone else. But remember to take time out for yourself now and then. All the best x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): You definatly need to seek profesional help on this one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): I would tell her therapist this, and if she isn't going to one now. I would send her back to one. You need a professional with this type of thing.
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