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I have reconnected with her, and though I do not exactly see her as a replacement for my girlfriend, I can't keep her off my mind!

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 April 2014)
A male Ghana age 36-40, *mootnezz writes:

i met this girl some time back before i met my current girlfriend. she liked me and made it obvious to me. i liked her too. however i did not want to rush into telling her how i feel about her too early. i met her through my younger brother so i consulted him about her. my brother told me that she had had a bad relationship with one of our friends and they had seperated but he didn't think i was the only one she was considering dating next.

one day my brother had a party and she agreed to go with me to the party (she had made an excuse to leave work early so we could go) but soon after we got to the party, she decided to go back to work and refused my offer of dropping her off back at work. i noticed that her ex who is also a friend of mine (but we are not so close enough for him to be bothered if date his ex and besides he and i dnt talk about girls so he has never told me her) was at the party and she was not comfortable so let her go. later my brother told me she still wanted to get back with the guy who had already moved on with another girl.

since i realised she still had feelings for her ex even though she liked me, i decided not to make any move again.

then i met my current girlfriend and started dating her. when she found out, she indirectly confronted me about it and told me i had gotten her heartbroken. when i told her i thought she didnt want me, she said she was still trying to recover from her bad break up with my friend. i was confused.

she gave me a distance since then and i also kept my distance.

my problem now is i have recently reconnected with her and thiugh i do not exactly see her as a replacement for my girlfriend, i can't keep her off my mind.

my girl is currently in uni in another town and nags a lot about petty things. but this other girl and i have a certain connection when we converse and i doubt if she will nag as much as my girlfriend does.

knowing very well that she has had feelings for me before and that she is still single, i can't seem to be able to keep myself from thinking of the possibility of dating her as i had wished. but my girlfriend apart from her nagging is in many ways a better marriage material than this girl. i am really confused now because this girl seems to be trying to hide her feelings for me by avoiding me, while i think that telling her how i feel about her will at least set me free even if she doesn't give me a chance. please advise me. should i tell her? i can't get her off my mind!

View related questions: at work, heartbroken, her ex, his ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014):

You may not have noticed, that no one has yet taken the time to answer your post. I did.

I didn't intend to insult you. I did intend to make you think. You are a grown man, and you needed to be reminded in order for you to think back on the things that concern you about these women.

I don't sugar-coat answers and condescend to people who seek the truth and want advice. Sometimes having things given to us straightforward and direct may not go down easy.

You accused your girlfriend of nagging. Is that nice? Perhaps she is begging for attention, or in a way letting you know there are things you need to work on. To you, that may sound like nagging. If the other girl is avoiding you, she may have a good reason for that.

Sorry you didn't appreciate my effort to help you. After seeing your response and reaction. Others may be a little hesitant now.

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A male reader, smootnezz Ghana +, writes (25 April 2014):

smootnezz is verified as being by the original poster of the question

honestly, i think you have insulted me so many times in your response and that was unnecessary. calling me immature, how is that supposed to make me feel better? i have talked about only two girls in my post (the second one, i didnt even talk about how i came to be in a relationship with her) so what is your basis for saying that i meet and woman and instantly she has got to be my girlfriend? i have known both girls for two years and you say i should stop chasing my attraction for a girl like an adolescent schoolboy? please! And about my girlfriend, yes she nags and can be petty and insecure but that also means she adores me and is afraid of losing me. that is a good quality. she never asks me for things like many girls in my country do. she takes care of my house when she visits and supports financially when i am broke. these are qualities any man in his right senses should not just throw away because of a few flaws.

so WiseOwlE, you could have responded to my 'agony' without being so judgemental and sarcastic.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014):

You seem to have a problem when it comes down to making choices. You can't make a solid decision, and just stick to it. You go back and forth. That is very immature. Stop thinking like a boy and man-up.

If your current girlfriend is petty, that is an undesirable trait. How on earth does that make her better marriage material? It's the first sign of incompatibility, and you should be experienced enough to know that. If she gets upset over small things or blows things out of proportion; that is insecurity and immaturity. You're already searching elsewhere; because you don't want to put up with it. So end it. Dump the woman.

Now about the other girl. Stop being so quick to turn women into your girlfriend.

Try dating them for awhile, and allow things to grow and take shape. You jump in, and then start finding fault after the fact. Try dating. Getting to know what she's about. Evaluate her character, bond, allow yourself to attach to a woman based on what you know and how you feel about her.

Give her a chance to care about you, reveal her true personality, and learn to trust you. Make sure she is over any prior relationships before jumping into a commitment.

You meet a female you like, and instantly she's got to be your girlfriend. Grow up!

Stop chasing your attraction to a female like an adolescent schoolboy; and immediately tagging her as a girlfriend.

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