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I have my first date! Is there a list of no-no's to follow to ensure that its a great date?

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Question - (15 August 2014) 8 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2014)
A male Australia age 36-40, *lue_warrior writes:

I'm about to have a date for the first time in my life. Is there a general list of things that I should refrain from doing in order to ensure that my date has the best possible time? The date itself is

going to be a fairly simple affair. Basically we're just going to grab some coffee at Starbucks. I'm sorry if this sounds like a silly question but I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to dating in general. Thanks.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 August 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMark's post is awesome.

after grooming and dressing properly (not too heavy on the cologne and i prefer Polo to Old Spice) the best advice is to

LISTEN twice as much as you talk.....

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntYou will be fine ! Just be yourself. Unless you are as boring as me in which case go as someone else.

Give your shoes a good polish before hand. Women notice these things.

Go to the Starbucks before hand and familiarize yourself with its layout, the way they serve and so on. All helps stop you fretting on the day.

Above all don't take it too seriously. Its just a date after all. You are not marrying the girl so just be relaxed. Don't try too hard to impress and remember - no antics! Your mates may be impressed with your ability to set light to a fart or burp your favourite tune or do an elephant impression by turning your pockets inside out and letting your penis hang out BUT she probably wont be.

Don't forget to judge her responses. If you say "So Kim, do you like puppies" and she looks solemnly at the floor and has tears in here eyes its probably best to assume her little puppy fell into the mincing machine and you have gone Spladoosh and put your foot in it. Therefore best to change the subject. If she starts letting her eyes wonder around the room and fiddles with her latte then, again, assume she is bored with the subject and a change of tack is needed.

Oh and don't order any drinks you cannot pronounce.

Mark

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A male reader, blue_warrior Australia +, writes (20 August 2014):

blue_warrior is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the feedback everyone! It was extremely helpful, especially the general advice that Mark was kind enough to share me. Anonymous from the States, thank you as well. I'm feeling rather nervous but hopefully, I won't make a complete mess of it, lol.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (15 August 2014):

eyeswideopen agony auntYou two should go on the circuit together...what a pair! And OP Have a good time.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI think Mark covered it all :)

Also, if you really like her then either ASK her at the end of the date for a new date or text/call her the same DAY asking for a new date. I think the whole 3 day "rule" is BULLCRAP. IF you are interested let her know... If you are NOT, then do not string her along either.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014):

Here's my opinion....

Be on time! In fact be early. If you're meeting her there, ask her whether she'd like you to meet her inside or outside (I'm always amazed at the amount of people who are nervous about walking into a restaurant/bar/cafe on ther own) If she wants you to wait inside, sit in place when you can easily see each other when she arrives. You can always move to a quieter corner when she arrives.

Pay for the coffees (and anything else). I'm all for going Dutch but you will look like a cheapskate if you expect it for just coffee and cake. Let her pay for a second cup if she absolutely insists (but only if she really insists)Make sure that you have more money than you think you'll need.

Dress nicely even though it's only coffee. Don't turn up looking like a scruff.

Don't talk about your problems or your exes (or her exes). Find out about things you both LIKE. If something comes up that you shouldn't be talking about (e.g. she asks what you do for a living but you hate your job) just gloss over it and change the subject.

Smile. Ask her about herself - find out what she likes.

If this is a first date, don't make any personal remarks other than comments that you might say to your auntie or granny. "You look nice today" or "that's a pretty dress" is fine - "you look sexy" or "that dress make you look hot" or "nice ass" is definitely not okay!

After the date you should text or email her before then end of the day to say thank you and that you had a nice time etc etc etc (even if you didn't - it's polite) If the date went really well and you want to ask her out again, tell her this.

Then you should call her within 3 days to make that date. N.B Call not text

Good Luck

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntSure; It's an event for which there is no equal..even it a 'simple date'(no such thing) It's exciting, your knees will shake, you'll forget who you are and who she is..girls do not understand how incredibly nerve shatering an event this is for the guy because they mature so much quicker than we do and are therefore able to handle the event like it was nothing more than two people drinking coffee.hich is what it is0 but we're all nervous about what to say and how to act and stuff,we're hopelessly insecure and childish until about the age of 40 or 509some not even then) Suggestions; don't comment on her appearance other than to say"You look nice" none of that'Wow you are a knock out!" stuff.Women are self concious on their appearance. Be a gentleman at all times but not overdone. Open doors when convient but don't run ahead of her and make a scene of it. They hate when others look over at them or notice a minor faux pas of any kind. ust be very calm and quiet. Let her talk on and on(never interupt..even if you have somthing important to add). Chill out and don't tell any jokes of any kind. If you do find common interest talk about it slowly and think before you speak. Good Luck It's the first day of the rest of your life. Have fun.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntHello,

As I have had some pretty disasterous dates over the years I am fully qualified to inform you what not to do :-(

Here is a list of a few things you should NOT, repeat NOT do or say on a first date...

- have sex

- mention ex's

- take part in any kind of sexual act whatsoever

- talk about religion or politics

- go back to her place

- pick your nose

- break wind

- have sex

- spill your drink all over the place

- be sick

- give yes or no answers to question

- have sex

- stare out of the window

- remove a glass eye

- interrupt constantly

- slurp your coffee

- poke the wax out of your eye with one of those little wooden stick things.

- sing judy garland songs

- obliviously wear a white 'tache on your upper lip after sipping a mug of froth.

- get arrested

- stare at her breasts

- mention any wives and children you may have she shouldn't know about.

- attempt to chat up the girl serving behind the till on the sly.

Imagine how I felt having done all of those things! Silly me. Pity the poor girl who had to endure all those things on one date. Doh. No wonder I am single. BUT it allows me to offer you, gentle reader, the opportunity to learn from my many mistakes so you don't make them yourself. I will allow you to tap into my vast database of schoolboy errors, silly set backs and right effing faux pass.

So, you want your date to go well? Good choice. Be relaxed, be chatty and remember to ask her, and im assuming its a woman, plenty of questions about herself, her interests and her family. Don't talk about work too much unless she gets over excited about employment. I always find women on dates prefer not to have my career achievements rammed down their throats...especially as I have only had a paper round and been a tea boy.

Give expansive answers as it can be hard work when someone gives a yes/no answer. Don't try too hard to impress either. Of course some of us don't have to try too hard, it comes naturally, but hey we cant all be super cool.

Oh and avoid fawning too much - if you are seen to be trying to hard by carrying her drink, making a performance out of opening every door and so forth, it might seem false or fawning.

Compliment but don't go over board. On a first date she is unlikely to want to hear that you want to swim in her eyes or that her hair cascades in a way that sends shivers down your spine. Although its not the time nor place for constructive criticism. Au contraire.

Leave your phone switched off. I HATE dates where the other person is constantly texting, sexting, giving it large down the phone or generally fiddling with her mobile (cell) every two minutes. Especially if i'm busy trying to updated Facebook! So rude.

Watch what you say. In Starbucks an innocent question can be misunderstood. "Would you like Muffin?" or "large and hot?" could of course be taken as something less innocent than it is. And for gawd sake don't ask her if she wants to finish your froth! (Personally I never know whether to drink those things or shave my face with it).

Enjoy it. That's the most important thing. Oh and dress well. You don't have to wear a dinner jacket and bow tie, only me and Bryan Ferry where that kind of attire in Starbucks, but don't turn up looking like you have just crawled out of a pot hole either. She will want you to look like you have MADE THE EFFORT without spending more time in the bathroom than she did.

Always generally better to go for a date when its quieter. Obviously you want Starbucks to actually be open, but not so rammed you could get the poor girl pregnant just by attempting to move. It sounds like you have already "booked" so I suggest a quieter part of the interior to sit debonairly and woo your new lover.

So here is a list of things you SHOULD do...

- remember to turn up

- brush your teeth

- wear a generous splash of Old Spice

- dress appropriately while appearing to be making the effort.

- smile

- Don't order a drink that comes in a tiny thimble mascarading as a mug and gone in two seconds. Taking a sip of your beverage allows you thinking time when stuck for something witty to say.

- Think before hand of plenty of interesting things to ask your date before you get there. Her fav colour, her fav film, what type of music she likes, does she have pets, where did she obtain the engagement ring and six kids, that kinda thing.

- Enjoy it!

- don't let the date linger. If, after twelve hours, you get stumped for something great to say, simply accept the date is at a natural conclusion and walk her to the bus stop. If she asks you for the fair home tell her to take a hike.

Don't forget to ask her if she wants to see you again!!

The most important aspect of any date is to judge her body language and actions. If, after five minutes, she starts drooling, licking her lips and stroking your leg, then its a fairly subtle hint she is slightly keen. If she sneers, snubs her fag out on your check and goes to the bathroom and doesn't come back, maybe consider the slight possibility that my tips and hints didn't quite work this time. (Are you sure you read my post correctly? You use my techniques at your own risk).

At the end of the date you may well get a handshake, a hug, a peck on the cheek, a full on snog or a slap round your boat race. It can be a bit awkward in that respect and knowing what to do is a fine art greater men than me have yet to perfect. All I can say is judge how the date went and see how she reacts.

I hope all goes well, don't forget to tell us how it went!

Mark

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