A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a single Mother in my late 20s. I honestly think I will always be single. I have major trust issues. My own doing. As when I was 20 I had an affair with my friends Dad who is the father to my Child. As you can imagine yes I left him and he went back to his wife and we don't see him at all now or my former friend. That was my first grown relationship so to speak and there has been no one since. I know I shouldn't have gone there, but I can't help but think what's the point of getting married? Even I look on here and there is God knows how many posts about affairs. I recently met a man in his 40s aWho treated me like a Princess, I slept with him then he admitted he was married so again I was hurt, I told him I want nothing to do with him but he still contacts me. Is this my karma for my actions? Or is this all I deserve or nothing at all. I just feel like I should stay on my own then I can't hurt anyone or be hurt.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 July 2016):
 Find a babysitter - other parents do. If you resign yourself to a date-free life, that's a choice. You can still have a life while being a mother :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2016): I am a Father of 3 girls all in their 20s. I would never cross that line with their friends. No man my age would have a serious relationship with a girl as young as you. Sorry but we wouldn't. Unless they had their own issues. Red flag! This man, you're friends Dad took advantage of you. Now has left you on your own with a baby. You should be glad he left as you know first hand what he would do to his kids.
You might be 27 but I read you to come across much younger, naive. I think being single will be good for you, work on you and being a good women. Use the time to become a women not a girl who is easily took advantage off. As you said you have a daughter now. Show her the right way to go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 July 2016):
 Did the married guy #2 know you had a past? No, I don't think so, but I do think he saw "easy prey", a sweet young naive vulnerable woman.
The fact that he didn't tell you from the get go that he was married makes me think that he was counting on you wanting a partner so bad you would have settled from a fling with him.
Being a young single mother makes dating hard, but I don't think you have to wait till she is grown to date. You just have to be a LOT more careful when meeting new men in your life. And you need to take things a LOT LOT slower. And stop beating yourself up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2016): Thank you for taking the time to help.I have a four year old daughter, I don't really go out anywhere for me as all social events are for her or her parties ect. I do have a good network of friends from my daughter's Nursery but none of them know this. The man I met as he works in a office close by. At times had to come out to see me. I can't say anything further on that other than I was hurt hearing he was married even worst he wanted to contd. Do some married men that are cheats know what women they should try their luck with or does he know I have a past? I don't drink or do you the party scene anymore not since I found out I was pregnant. I don't have a babysitter even if I wanted too. I couldn't ever do online dating, not for me. So there isn't much options for me until my daughter grows up I guess.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 July 2016):
Honeypie is spot on!You're making bad decisions and that's why you get bad results. Don't sleep with guys you barely know. Think like a single mother, not just a single woman.Consider guys with age gaps as someone you need to investigate more (though some level of basic investigating is always preferred when you have a child to protect).You are a mother, so you can't rush things. You should still have a life you enjoy, but not put yourself and your child at risk by having sex with people you barely know or rushing dating someone.Take your time, be extra careful, know someone well before sleeping with them, always use protection, etc. - these may all seem obvious, but can easily be forgotten about and that seems to have happened here.Make friends, if you haven't already got some. Go out with friends occasionally. Maybe join a dating site, but be vigilant by Google searching their names and images, as well as taking it very slowly and letting family know who you're meeting, etc. Mention your son to guys you meet, but don't let your son meet them (as well as not showing them photos of him or telling them any more than basic details about him) until you've been dating someone for 6+ months.You will find a nice guy, OP, but you have to be more careful.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 July 2016):
No I don't think Karma works quite like that, or maybe it does? However, I don't think the Universe is waiting to hurt you for making a huge mistake when you were 20.
What instead might be happening is YOU not learning from your mistakes.
You already went down the route of "dating" and sleeping with a married man so when this 40 year old approached you... maybe you should have taken a LOT longer in getting to know him, check out his name, see if he is on Facebook or elsewhere online and you could have avoided another disastrous mistake.
Now I'm NOT saying it's ALL your fault, my guess is the baby-daddy older guy and this 40 year old BOTH knew you were a naive and vulnerable kind of woman and they took SWIFT advantage.
And AS for that 40 year old, tell him to F OFF! BLOCK his number, delete it, REMOVE him from your life. IF he shows up at your doorstep don't let him in. Call the Police if you feel you are in danger. YOU are not some helpless victim either. DON'T go that route. Start taking charge of your life.
ONE bad decision to sleep with a married man and the FATHER of your friend doesn't mean you now will only be taken advantage off. THAT isn't the reason. You are however NOT exactly helping yourself either... but NOT having blocked him when you found out.
Being alone should be a CHOICE not some cosmic punishment. Seriously. You aren't the first person to be naive, to make mistakes, to hurt and BE hurt. Life isn't fair. But there is NOTHING written in stone that you now have to live the life of a hermit.
When meeting guy (makes me wonder where you met mr. 40 year old) TAKE your time, you NEED as a single mother to be EXTRA cautious as to whom you bring INTO your child and your life. Do a little digging when you met someone (don't go crazy stalker, but see what the internet can drag up for you).
And maybe? Consider that BOTH times you have dealt with much older men, it didn't end good.
It's YOUR life, how do you want to live it? Under a rock? or out in the sunlight?
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