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I have lost a lot of friends due to jealousy. Why are girls so jealous?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 June 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have lost a lot of friends due to jealousy. Why are girls so jealous?

I use to have a lot of girlfriends but they all seem to disappear as my life gets better. Im a very sweet girl. I'm always there for my friends when they need me. I work really hard for the things I have and to have a better life. But as soon as something good happens to me my friends seem to disappear. I just got a new car and straight away 2 of my friends got really jealous and just stopped talking to me wtf? Why do women behave like this? I feel like i dont want to speak to anyone or get close to anyone anymore. On Saturday i went to a party and my own cousin didnt speak to me she was at the other side of the room giving me dirty looks and would look away each time id catch her. While i was dancing too i saw one friend from secondary also looking at me with a dirty look. I couldn't approach them and say hello because of how they were looking at me and i just felt really bad. I mean i don't talk about people or hang out much because im always working (so i could have the fine things in life) and spending time with my family and bf. Could someone please explain to me what is happening? I dont understand all this hate:(

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (24 June 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou give off an unapproachable, borderline materialistic vibe in this post - to me, at least. The fact that you work hard is great, but if your "finer things" are thrown in their faces, you won't be much fun to be with.

I know it's off-putting when you think someone is giving you a dirty look, but you should still greet family or *you* look like you're not interested. The dirty look could have been "does she think she's too good to talk to us? We're family!"

Do you accidentally talk about yourself quite a lot? Do you talk much about new things you own? Do you perceive looks a certain way because you see yourself differently to them?

This sounds like a two-way street. Maybe you're giving off certain vibes and they don't want to talk to you with that vibe.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (23 June 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntMaybe you are throwing it in to others faces that you are enjoying the good things in life and maybe it is getting a bit much for them?

Also you say you couldn't approach them as they where giving you dirty looks, but maybe it was because you didn't say hello, I know it works both ways, but my guess is that they feel you have the finer things in life now and you are harder to approach or they feel you think you are better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2016):

At 20 ive realised how i dont need a crowd of girlfriends to call them my friends. Most people don't mind you when you are just like them but start to change when they see more progress in you than in them. The best way to handle such is to not show them that you feel they have changed. Act normal around them tell them you its been a while that you two haven't had a real conversation. Try to catchup with them where you left off if they react badly then you know you dont need that person. Friends cheer eachother up i have two mutual friends that showed me many times that they are true. Some are just random friends whom i love also because we always laughing together. Always bring that smiles and laughing factor when you see them it will all turn out great. 3

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2016):

You dont need these people that much ands its natural that people change and move on!

Supposing it were a storm in a teacup and all a bit of a misunderstanding and you all just carried on being yourselves.

Who would loose out? No one!

Because life will go on and you dont have to share confidences about everything anyway.

It might be a blessing because you clearly arent destined to become a taxi driver!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 June 2016):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe they thought YOU were giving THEM dirty look from across the room? Since you didn't approach them either. Next time IGNORE that you "think" they are giving you dirty look and go say hi, if they don't want to continue the conversation, fine - but at least YOU don't come off looking like you are "too good" to say hi. ONE of them was your COUSIN.

You can "only" guess why people do what they do, you don't know unless you actually have a conversation with them.

I don't know what kind of friends you had, but in my friend-circle we ALWAYS were excited when good things happened for/to each other. I think that is how GOOD friendships are. So my guess is, these weren't real friends. I have never seen this kind of pettiness with women. EVER. And many of my female friends are from 5 to 30+ years of friendship.

And if these women get "jealous" that you now have a car.. then good riddance to them. Seriously.... Why would you want them around in your life?

You don't need a LOT of friends, most people though, need GOOD friends.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2016):

Girls or anyone who hates others have problems with themselves. Not you. They are insecure about themselves and project that insecurity onto others. They are miserable and hate to see others happy or they just hate other girls they see as better than they are in some way. It points out their insecurities even more. So, their way of alleviating their own anxiety and dissatisfaction with themselves is to lash out at others and put others down or ignore them.

How do you deal with it? Never give a crap in this life what anyone else thinks of you. People are going to come and go. People are going to not like you, put you down, try to treat you badly. But through it all, keep your head high and love yourself. And do not let them into your inner world, your sanctuary, your personal place of power; your soul. Deep down inside you own your own confidence and joy in life. Own it. Live it. And don't care too much about what others think or what their motivations are. Let them have their own problems. They are not yours. Be happy. Live. Do the things that make you happy. And surround yourself with the people who make you happy. Your true friends. Your family. And ignore the rest.

Women will always be competitive. Just a fact. Often raised that way to have to be the prettiest in the room or else... God forbid there is another pretty girl out there. I have been given many looks from other women. They scope you out. Because they are insecure and hate the fact you are pretty because they feel it detracts or devalues their beauty. Well, every woman's beauty stands on its own and it's unique to that woman. Beyond compare. A CONFIDENT woman knows this. Sadly, most are not so enlightened and sulk in the petty, meaningless stuff. So, just because I am beautiful does not detract from your beauty or mean you are not beautiful. A flower is not concerned about others flowers. It just blooms.

I don't care what anyone else has or does. I am concerned about my strengths and the things I love about me. Not everyone thinks this way and should. There will always be someone thinner, smarter, richer, younger... etc. etc. Focus on YOU and being the best YOU that YOU can be. Never compare. Never. It is the enemy of happiness and self confidence.

The world is judgmental no matter what you do. You might as well develop a thick skin and not care too much about these things. People are going to be who they are. But you don't have to devote any time to them or what they think. You are too busy loving yourself and your life.

Head high.

Hope I helped. :)

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