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I have just found out that my husband has been using chat rooms and talking really dirty...

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 July 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2008)
A female Gibraltar age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I have been married for 21 years, but I have just found out that my husband has been using chat rooms and talking really dirty, I think this is called cybersex, I feel like he is being unfaithful and I dont know what to do about it, he doesn't know that I have found out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008):

Well, what I can tell you is that if you were the one talking dirty he would be very mad. Talk to him about it and tell him that you feel uncomfterbol ...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

I feel bad for you, I have just gone through a similar situation. When I first found out I related to my bf how hurt and betrayed I felt and he said he understood and would stop. Well, it didn't stop, he just got sneakier and covered his tracks with a window washers program, so I got more invasive..I ended up chatting him up under an assumed name and realized my worst nightmare, he was inviting women to the house when I wasn't there, he telephoned with these women and sent them pictures of himself with a hard-on. This may not be your case but it is real easy to slip from fantasy only to talking on the phone and meeting in real life, make him stop this or leave him before you are hurt more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

I too have just discovered the same thing - only my husband has also been sending filthy text messages to other women, and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together 3 years and have a very active and uninhibited sex life. I feel totally betrayed and when I confronted him about it - he said it's just a fantasy chat room thing not reality, as if it's no big deal. he promised he wouldn't do it again, but today I discovered he is back online using the chat rooms......somebody help me please!!! I'm on the verge of walking out. I just cant trust him.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (20 July 2007):

eddie agony auntI disagree with you about satisfying your husbands sexual needs. Or, at least hearing what they are. You said you're in a "mutual relationship". That was my point, you should try to fulfill each others needs, within reason. If you're not going to satisfy your husband "reasonable " sexual needs who or what will?

Perhaps you already do, to your knowledge. Maybe you don't. I wasn't trying to put you in a subservient position either. I'm only trying to point out that when you're in a relationship, generally we like to be the one our partner goes to for sex.

For some reason your husband has found another method. It bothers you so you need to find out why he does this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou so far for the responses I have received, I am taking the information on board, I am abit worried about confronting my husband for fearing the answers, but I realise that this is something I have to face, as regards to the marriage eddie, I have never considered it to be MY JOB to satisfy my husband, we are in a mutual relationship, but I understand what you are getting at.I will let you know once I have spoken to my husband, thankyou all once again

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A female reader, bemused Canada +, writes (20 July 2007):

bemused agony auntHi there.

I can only imagine your hurt at discovering this. When you spent twenty years with someone you tend to think you have built a sense of trust. Communication is what you need now. I do not agree with other posts here that it is your job to satisfy your husband. It should be a mutual thing and maybe somewhere in those twenty years...something got lost along the way. I think you need to let him know you know. That could cause a major argument or it could open the door to dealing with what could be causing this. Attitudes within people can be deeply ingrained and this one could be tough for both of you. This is a tough question to answer but I hope I have helped a bit.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (20 July 2007):

eddie agony auntI do believe it's being unfaithful. Even though the other person is just fingers and a key board it takes time away from you two as a couple.

Have you kept up your interest in your sex life? Are you satisfying your husbands sexual needs? That is your job. It sounds like he's lacking in something. Many times one spouse tells another what they need and the other ignores the request. I don't mean crazy requests either. When we get complacent in a marriage, it opens the door for strangers.

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A male reader, leonard j.Douglas Philippines +, writes (20 July 2007):

Hi! sweetheart;

I'm soon to be 80,years young,so perhaps that give me just a little bit of a right to call you by an endearing name, no offense I hope. Yes, It's called cyber-sex, and yes, He is being unfaithful to you, and yes you need to confront him about it. Before you do that ,Please! Think about what I'm about to say. If you are having sex it won't be more than once a month, if that. And he will be having a problem getting an erection and keeping it up long enough to bring you to an orgasm. It's a fact That 70% of men over the age of 70 have ED--Erection-Dysfunction. So lots of us men take an easy way out We either use the Chat-Room to get an erection while we Mastubate, or we watch Porn and keep our fist quite busy. If he is meeting your sexual and emotional needs. Let him know that you know about his Cyber-sex Might be a good way to open up the lines of communication between the two of you. By your letter, There don't seem to be much of that going on in your relationship at the present time. Most men/women don't seem to realize that all orgasms are a form of Masturbation, no matter how that orgasm is induced,the same goes for either gender's, genital pleasuring. And no man or woman should be just dependent upon their genitals in the giving and receiving of sexual pleasure. The fingers and the tongue are great penises, when it comes to saying ,"I Love You".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007):

it is unfaithful at least in my book. you have to confront him

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (19 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntWell i think you are going to have to confront him about it and find out why he is doing it.

Take care.xx.

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