A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey aunts and uncles I hope you are all well! So I am back again looking for some more help if possible? My question is about jealousy. I know I have really bad issues my boyfriend just has to look at a female and its like a flame in my heart and I get furious. Don't get me wrong I am really good at hiding it and don't bring it to his attention often. Infact I have only shown it twice when he was telling me old stories about his previous flings and then stories about just general friends that are girls. I just politely said its ok I would rather we don't talk about it. And that was it but sometimes he says stuff just silly stupid things like a girl he knows told a joke. I never said anything but again I was extremely irritated by this? I am really wanting to know is where does jealousy come from. He is unaware this is an issue I have and I don't intend to show that ugly side of me as it really does shame me so much. But what is the route of jealousy? Why do I seem to feel it more easily and more instense than others? I'm sorry I feel like I am rambling now but I always get amazing advice her. Ps. I have BPD as well but I am highly functioning and have had CBT and medicated so I don't think that has anything to do with it but thought I would add just incase!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): Well High Five.
I have the same problem. A lot of it stems from insecurity on a sub conscious level. Maybe you should feel more confident about yourself.
If you break down the issue, its like you jealous when your boyfriend talks about or looks at another female...when you think he might be slightly interested in them overlooking you.
Are you telling me you won't look at a super hot guy who walks past you? Everyone does that. Trust me. But you should be able to overlook these small things and concentrate on your relationship. Your attention is right now on the trivial and silly things.
Jealousy really ruins things. I mean even if you hide it and all, you're harming yourself with all the anxiousness you build up. Hiding the jealousy is not good enough. try to forget about it.
Easier said than done, I agree! But just a little advice from a jealous heart to another! :)
A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (24 April 2012):
 In some cases it is natrual to be a little Jealous, they day we stop being jealous totally of our partners looking at others is the day we have something to worry about.
Having said this, there is healthy Jealousy and non healthy jealousy. It seems to be that you could be experiencing the non healthy version.
Try to remember that your BF Is with you, not anyone else he is with you. Focus on all your positive points and start seeing what he sees in you. When you have insecurity issues they can present as jealousy.
If your BF has female friends that tell jokes that is perfectly normal. He is supposed to have female friends that is natrual. Try not to think about the negative aspcts of that. Focus on the positive. You are with a man who is loyal to you and still has enough respect for women that he has female friends. Make friends with his female friends and you will soon find out that you have nothing to worry about.
Many people forget the importance of talking to their partners. Talk to your boyfriend and explain your feelings. Don't accuse him of making you feel jealousy as no one can make us feel anything we don't want to. But make him aware of your feelings.
Remember that you have the power over your own feelings and you are the one who can take control. YOu seem like a strong woman. I am sure you can do it. Remember to be kind to yourself and work on your insecurities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): When I first went out with my boyfriend I didn't have jealously issues and certainly not with him. I didn't get jealous over anything and he used to say all sorts about his past and girls etc.
Then he verbally cheated on me, THAT's when I became jealous. Now I am the most jealous person in the world with him, I am mortified if he even looks at women let alone speaks about them.
So after that, I strongly believe it is about trust. If you don't 100% trust someone, you will get jealous. Maybe you don't completely trust him?
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