A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We have 3 beautiful children. I have a problem with jeolousy. I have accused him in the past for cheating on me (knowing he never has.) I have searched his wallet, cell phone and truck. I have never found anything until recently. He has been calling a female co-worker for a few months. Not a lot but has. She is married with one daughter. He has lied a lot about this situation. He had her husbands name and her cell number wrote down in his wallet. He went out once with her and 2 friends when I was out of town with all the kids. He even took a picture with her that night. He told me he was friends with her husband and has met her and come to find out he works with her. He has really treated me bad while he was talking to her. He says he will talk to anyone he wants to. Our relationship has been much better since the truth has come out. He still says he loves me and he told me he lied to me because of how jeolous I can get. I worry that he will only tell her the bad things in our marriage and not the good. It hurts really bad. They both say nothing has ever or would ever happen. Do I trust that it is only a friendship? Is it okay to try and forget about it and move on with our marriage? I am scared of loosing my husband or being replaced with her because he would enjoy her company more than mine.
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male
reader, NuVu +, writes (18 June 2007):
Do you trust your husband? Has he been a good husband and father? I'm worried that years of living with a jealous person might push him away.
Show him trust and love and you'll likely receive good things back. Accuse an honerable man of not being honerable is a sure way to lose his love and respect.
Stop looking for things to be jealous about. If he's a good man, have some faith. Its not to say that he couldn't cheat, but why make yourself miserable in the mean time.
Instead focus on yourself. Learn to trust. Learn to feel secure even without your husband. Learn to live in and appreciate the moment rather than worrying about what has or will happen.
If you do those things, you'll be more lovable, more prepared if something negative does happen, and more attractive to the next man that crosses your path.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): There is nothing wrong with married people having PLATONIC friends of the opposite sex, first off. Particularly if the friend was someone "you" knew before you were married and were NOT at any time romantically involved with.
Having said that, my suggestion is the next time he wants to see his coworker, why don't you propose that you go along too - and her husband? If the spouses are involved in social activities, this is much more healthy and less likely to lead to "straying."
Whether you have real cause for concern, I cannot say. I will make the observation, however, that accusing him of cheating (albeit in the past) and searching his cell phone and truck is hardly the way for him to have confidence and trust in YOU. Jealousy or not, that is never a good idea. A better idea would be to work on the issues in yourself that cause you to be insecure and thus suspicious and jealous.
Good luck.
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