A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, a question for mainly guys please!I have really liked a guy at work for about 5 years now. He is in a superior position and our workplace has a very, very strict policy on inter-staff relationships. As well as this, I know he himself is very self disciplined/totally professional and has been going through a separation and recently a divorce with a child (boy) involved. We are both in our forties so are mature - I am four years younger and am told that I am very attractive and look much younger than my age - and I have also been divorced when I was very young (twenties) and my kid is now fully grown up and left home. I always felt that he liked me a lot but he is not the kind of guy to flirt with women...but I increasingly felt that with me he was doing this. He is completely well respected, straight up guy who works incredibly hard. He does have a reputation for being a bit straight laced and not particularly successful with women/not many relationships maybe due to working so hard.About a year or so ago I took several months of leave - almost completely out of his usual character at that time he took it upon himself to phone me and ask me out several times - we had some really lovely times I thought and honestly felt it was on the verge of becoming something more - in the end I indicated, clearly, that I liked him in that way. However this was just before I returned to work - literally a couple of days. After I got back his behaviour changed - for months he seemed totally besotted but trying to hide it and then he seemed to not lose interest exactly but kind of resign himself, like it all just became too confusing for him. I should add that he has a female boss who is like a cheetah in terms of her instinct for spotting things/extremely domineering and controlling, so I am not sure if she suspected something. I have been in agony ever since, not knowing what to do. I don't want to spoil anything by trying to define a relationship in advance, so I have never talked with him about how I feel. The other thing is, I'm in a lower position at work and on a temporary contarct and cannot risk compromising his position or mine, so I have not been able to show him how much I like him. We've never discussed any of this but we both know that my contract runs out in about five months time. I do have to work with him often - sometimes he is sweet and lovely, never unpleasant, I often catch him watching me and sometimes he really is fixated on me - but the last time we had to work together we had such a lovely time that I strongly indicated that I wanted to walk with him to the train station after work finished and he seemed totally nervous and quickly left - this was despite the fact that he had seemed to really enjoy my company (although he did say he had to go because he was feeling really ill) and had been even teasing me in an almost sexual way despite being unwell. I am really confused. He is not like other guys in that he has HUGE self-discipline and this is why I really like him, but I've never had to handle a guy like this before and don't know what to do. Should I just literally wait until my contract finishes and see if he makes a move? My guess is that in his own way he is quite dominant and wants to call the shots and that his divorce is not yet over - I know this was very messy and painful for him because it will involve his child moving far away in the near future.Am I being an idiot to think that he would still be interested in me? What, if anything, should I do? I should add that I myself separated from a long term partner around the same time as he separated, so nothing could really happen earlier on because I was recovering from a break up too.
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a break, at work, divorce, flirt, I work with, teasing, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Thanks CindyCares! I appreciate your taking the time to answer and will try not to 'stress' about it as you say. I did almost laugh when I read your idea that I should ask him out...I guess there's gonna be nothing to stop me!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 I think it makes sense he did not want to put the moves on a coworker when dating a coworker is against the company's policy and he has a cheetah boss. Plus, if he was / is still going through a messy divorce a new budding romance was probably the last thing he'd want to think about.
Well, 5 months aren't that long. Try not to stress out too much about this, without thinking too many strategies, and if in 5 months, when your contract has expired and you are not with his company anymore, you still like him, you can ask HIM out and take it from there.
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