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I have feelings for my best friend's husband...

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am married with 3 children. Recently I have had feelings for my best friend's husband. One drunken night I told him how I felt and ever since he has felt the same about me. He now tells me he loves me!! Although nothing as happened he makes me happy. I feel really bad but can't switch my feelings off? What should I do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008):

Hi

Yes you can switch them off! it is possible, for example what about when you really want to throttle someone because they made you angry, you would control your anger and not throttle them i guess. But to the main point, best freind? husband? children? what about their feelings? there is a time to act and a time to do nothing, if you want to hurt and destroy a lot of your nearest and dearests feelings, turn their worlds upside down ( this is for you both) then go ahead and act on it. If in time relationships end without AFFAIRS involved and deceit then maybe you could act on it. DECIET is what destroys not the actual shagging so no point doing it slyly thinking you wont hurt anyone, because you will in the end, but that is your choice in life at this moment in time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

I agree with Danielepew, feelings cannot be forced on or off. Its just something that happens.

Would you like to be with this man forever?! Sounds good doesn't it. Breaking your husbands heart (need I remind you the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with). Your children? And the thought of destroying your best friends life is just exhalirating!

Not the sarcasm, want that to happen?!

Stay away from him, marriage problems with your husband is a different issue altogether, if any exist. But he is off limits unless you want to be a selfish bitch.

One of you needs to be the adult, and since you realize that its wrong, you be the adult. Say no, and stay away. Thats all you can do. Say no even if he leaves his wife. Say no even if you break up with your husband.

Say no because as soon as he was your best friends he is off limits.

Period.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (14 July 2008):

Danielepew agony auntYou can find another person attractive even if you're married or committed to someone else. You have eyes and feelings, and that doesn't go away, ever. So, your having feelings for this man is not wrong in itself.

I would suggest you check why you find yourself attracted to him. That is the key. Only you can do this. Also, ask yourself why HE finds you attractive. That's the other part of the story.

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