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I have feelings for a friend, but she has a boyfriend...help!

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have recently become friends with a girl that I am starting to have stronger feelings for. There are numerous problems with this,

She has a boyfriend.

I am also friends with her boyfriend.

I don’t think she feels the same way.

Another problem that exists is that we seem to be quite close, so close that she turns to me for support when she’s having problems with her boyfriend, which seem to be quite frequent. Her problems are due to her paranoia and always assuming the worst, it’s not her boyfriend’s fault. I’d hate to have to abandon her for my own good.

I’ve been in this exact situation before where I’ve gotten close to a girl then realised I have stronger feelings for her. As soon as I told her, it was a little awkward then our friendship declined and I became infatuated and obsessed with her and as a result of her not feeling the same way I became extremely depressed.

I can’t let that happen to myself again, but I hate not being able to tell her and it’s becoming increasing difficult not to do so, just in case there’s that chance she feels the same way. Another reason to tell her would be just in case she doesn’t feel the same way that it would allow me to get out whilst I still can, before I get to the point where I like her too much, though I would miss her friendship greatly.

View related questions: depressed, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend

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A female reader, x-kay_kay-x New Zealand +, writes (5 January 2008):

x-kay_kay-x agony auntokay i don`t understand from a mans point of veiw but i have experinced this from a girls point of veiw nd your right no it wasn`t very nice. first of all it shocked me, becuase i thought we was just friends then he started getting obbsessive and it scared me and it put me right off him so it is the wrong thing to do. i think b4 u say u like her u need to make sure she likes u talk to her friends and make sure ur 50% certian she likes u b4 saying i and break it to her slowly like give her hints your going to say it. don`t go to obbsessive just have a laugh with her and if she doesnt lik u she might come around.. but serously one of the worst things u can do is go obbsessive it rives a girl crazy. lol plz watch what your doing good luck

kay x

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A male reader, benny boy United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2008):

I've been in a possition where I've got close with a friend (that was seeing someone) and trust me, from the results of it, it wasnt worth it, I lost her as a friend and it messed both of our heads up for a few months. Your best taking a step back rather than forward if you know what I mean. Good luck and I hope this helps.

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