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I have fallen in love with a co-worker. He is straight and ten years younger than me

Tagged as: Age differences, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 September 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 September 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, *bawes writes:

i have fallen in love with a straight guy and he is my co- worker. he 10 yrs younger than me. our friendship started in work and then we meet always in the work and one day i feel attached to him. we talk and laugh but nowadays he never answerd my calls and text messages but i don't tell him that i love him because im scared of rejection. maybe he feels that i'm in love with him thats why he never answers my calls and text messages but yesterday we met he talked to me for a little while.please help me i need an.advice.thanks

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A male reader, jbawes United States +, writes (15 September 2011):

jbawes is verified as being by the original poster of the question

jbawes agony aunt

thanks for replying to my answer. .

its really hard for me to let go of my feelings. i hope by and by i can overcome it but the thing is we always see each other in the work place and if i see him it make day complet i guess it really love the i felt to him but im still waiting for the time that he will make a move to me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011):

I'm sorry, OP, but I have to disagree with you when you say "i believe that straight person also prone to have feeling with homosexual person". I am a straight guy, and the only feelings I've ever had for other men are ones someone feels for a friend. I have never in my life been romantically interested in another guy. Guys just aren't my thing.

Mind you, I have a friend (someone I used to work with) who is gay and he expressed an interest in me. We are still friends but he knows it'll never go beyond that... I've made it clear to him. Another time I had a gay man offer up a female friend of his as enticement for me to be in a threesome with him. I declined.

If a guy is straight, then he is attracted to women. The situation is different if a guy is bisexual, or bi-curious. However, there are many guys out there who are straight and that's it.

Really, it is in your best interest to forget about this coworker. I know it isn't easy, as I've had feelings for women that didn't have any interest in me... so I know what unrequited love feels like. But you must let it go and move on.

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A male reader, jbawes United States +, writes (14 September 2011):

jbawes is verified as being by the original poster of the question

jbawes agony auntthanks for replying to my questions. .

it easy to say to let go my feelings if you. are not in the situation bt if you are on my pocket its hard to get rid off the feelings. until now its hard for me to move on bcz im inlove with him and im really sacred to tell him whatz going on my feelings and im still expecting it may be he will love, for i believe that straight person also prone to have feeling with homosexual person.

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A female reader, Zulma United States +, writes (14 September 2011):

Zulma agony auntHey.i kno how u feel.im gay as wel and have had feelings for my bff and she is straight.it hard.but i thnk u should b honest with him.even if u do get rejected.it seems lke he avoids u becuse he knows.but better 2 know the truth than 2 go crazy wondering

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011):

I'm not sure what advice you're actually looking for ... where exactly do you see this going?? He's straight. You can't change a person's sexuality by wishing hard enough ... see it as a reason to look forward to work each day (it's always nice to have eye candy), emotionally detach yourself so you can free yourself to meet someone you can actually be with. Life's too short to waste like this, wishing after someone that's not attainable... if you need to put in perspective, imagine there was a woman in the office who was doing the same to you... in love with you, calling/messaging you in the hope that you'll be with her... what advice would you give her?

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A female reader, ChristinaMaeMurphy United States +, writes (14 September 2011):

ChristinaMaeMurphy agony auntI can understand exactly where you are coming from. At a very young age I developed what I thought was just a "curiosity" in another female. I fell deeply in love with her over time, she was a very good friend of mine and we spent oodles of time together. She was straight, and eventually caught on to my attraction to her. Things got weird for a while after that. She would no longer answer my calls, would hardly look me in the eyes when we ran into each other. After a while she accepted the fact that I was in love with her, she began to talk to me again, and we began to rekindle the friendship we once had...

This is what saved me from my heartache, I talked to her about it... Nothing can be done if there is no communication between the two of you. You understand the fact that he is a straight man, so there can never be anything between the two of you. But I don't think that there can be any resolution of this issue for you, unless you speak to him about it. I wouldn't use the word "love", as it might seriously damage any type of normal friendship that you share with one another.

He may have felt uneasy about being the infatuation of a homosexual man, and that is why he wouldn't answer your calls or your texts messages. Attempt to put him at ease about the situation, explain yourself, explain that you understand that he is a straight man... and that you still want a friendship with him in spite of your attraction.

I also think that this is a self-destructing idea for you, for you to be in love with a straight man. We can't help who we fall in love with, this I know from personal experience, but we can obtain self control and as humans we are born and bred to move on.

I wish you luck with this my friend.. best wishes :)

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