A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a woman for nearly two years. We met when she was seperated from a husband of a year who cheated consistantly on her. Our relationship started out very affectionate and I felt that she truely cared for me and showed it many ways. Since then, we had several issues that continue to reappear over the last year and a half. She has stated that space is a huge issue for her. She believes that I haven't given her enough space until she had to ignor me to get me to see how important it is for her. I understood that situation and have been working hard to allow the space she requires. We have somewhat good communication but typically it will come to an argument or the like to communicate it effectively. I have had an issue with affection and intimacy, that I believe is slowly disapating. Basically there is none coming from her unless I press the issue. This will usually push her further away and we will not talk for a day or so, then she will act as if nothing has happened. When I bring this to her in conversation she would say that she isn't as interested because I am "always around her and almost suffocating her". I have understood that she is someone seriously stressed because of financial debt, family issues, friend issues, etc. In the last month or so, I have worked hard on backing off and allowing the space she requires, but I'm beginning to wonder if she truely cares about me and am wondering how to go about finding if my concern is real or just a fabrication of my thought. I have considered walking away from the relationship for awhile hoping that it will open her eyes, but am wondering if this is immature, and if so, will it blow up in my face?
View related questions:
debt, immature Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 two years and the arguments continue... hm.
no offense, but this i think your girlfriend is the one who is immature. if she says she wants space, ask why.
if she has something up her sleeve, she would probably get angry as soon as you ask that...for a relationship to keep going, both parties, man and woman, should know of their responsiblities. they should think over their time management and other responsibilites before taking the relationship through a crash course, which in the end, both parties suffer.
by the way, do not say "walking away from the relation ship FOR AWHILE"
what is your motive? break up and back to let her see? but see what? if telling her is no use, that means she cannot understand you.
good luck dude.
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 It sounds to me as if this woman has turned to you on the rebound after being badly hurt in her marriage. It's very typical for both men and women to do this after a relationship ends, particularly if there's a caring and affectionate person there for them. They don't intend to hurt the new person but after a while they start to find their confidence and want their own 'space' again.
Do you truly believe you are not 'always around her and nearly suffocating her'? Some people can be very possessive and of course this will cause problems. However, assuming you're not one of those people, I think you have been great at giving her the space she requires and backing off. The problem is that she seems unable or doesn't want to give you the love and affection you need and desire. This may be because of her past experiences. Has she seen a councillor?
If you openly discuss your feelings with her and her response gives you a gut feeling to walk away, then you should listen to it. It may be that you have different needs and if that's the case then the issue won't go away, and is likely to get worse in time.
I think your instincts are right: but you should walk away from this relationship on a permanent basis. Carry on with your life and date other women. If she changes her mind so be it, but don't count on it. What's meant to be will happen. Best of luck.
...............................
|
