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I have been helplessley in love with someone for too long, what do I do?

Tagged as: Crushes, Teenage, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, *jah221 writes:

I am in love with someone. I have known him for years now. When I fell in love with im, it was slow, and so pure. He was my first love. I love him with all of my heart.

Around the time I fell for him he had a girlfriend. And that hurt my heart, but I still loved him. I told him I loved him so many times because I was convinced he felt the same way back. He and his girlfriend are over, and we talked for a while, and sometimes we argue, and then sometimes we have amazing conversations. We have the rockiest past ever, and we love each other so much. But I am now not in high school with him anymore, and we are close in distance, but we're not around the same people anymore.

I thought this could be the time for me to move one I am around different people, doing my own thing, being a whole new person, but I can't even like anyone or say yes to dates because of they aren't him. How the hell do I get over him? I love him. I love him so much I freak out crying whenever I see him, I swear my heart skips some beats, and I know it sounds like some high school love crap, but this feeling is so bad. He makes me feel so different I am the best when I am talking to him, and around him. I changed so I could feel right for him. I at first felt like he didn't deserve me, but he does. I am so scared that I will not find love like I loved him. And I want to be with him. He's single now, but I don't want to feel like a second choice to his beautiful ex. I don't know what to do. I see him in everyone, he has this huge impact on me, and I know I will never be the same. I want to move on, but we're at a decently good pace, and even though I have had hope in these last four years, I feel like I can try again. What do I do? What would you do?

View related questions: fell in love, move on

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntSweetie if you loved each other then you would both make the effort to be together. If he is single now then talk to him tell him how you feel and say it is all or nothing. That is the only way things will be solved if you talk to him and see if he wants the same things as you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 October 2017):

You're very young. A good percentage of these feelings comes from hormones, puppy-love infatuation; and not getting out and socializing with other girls and friends.

You spend a lot of your idle-time romanticizing about this boy, almost to obsession. The sad part is, he doesn't seem to be reciprocating any of all this heartfelt-emotion you're oozing all over the place.

You do need to date other boys; until he wears-off. You're all wrapped-up in love-fantasy and sugar-plum feelings about this boy; even while he's digging on another girl. Broke-up or not, I think you've invested too much time and feeling on this dude.

You need to build an active social-life, make new friends, have some fun, and get out of your head. Even if other boys don't make you feel the way he does; you need to give them a chance.

Time to grow-up and stop acting like a pubescent schoolgirl in la-la land over some stupid boy, who doesn't give a flying-fig. If he was so in-love with you, why aren't you dating? The reason is, he doesn't feel the same way; it's mostly in your head!

What you mean by rocky-past is, he was so much less into you than you are in him; he decided to date somebody else. You refuse to let go. Either that, or you smothered him in so much love; he had to getaway from you to get some air! I see clingy and dramatic written all over your post!

Do yourself a favor. Get out more, have some fun, and find other interests besides focusing on boys! Especially that particular guy!

I'm being straight with you, and giving you a little tough-love. Your head is up in the clouds, and someone's got to grab you by the feet and pull you back down to earth, sweetheart!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (9 October 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt This is quite confusing.

You fell in love with him, but he had a beautiful girlfriend, so, no dice. Ok, so far it's clear.

But then ? If he is single now, why aren't you together ? If he loves you back ?...

You say that you told him many times that you loved him, because you were convinced that he felt the same. Well, what happened after you told him ? Did he say that he loved you too , confirming what you were thinking ? Did he say " I love you too , but we can't be together because ....? "

You are not the first poster who asks advice about moving on, but probably the first one that tells us " we love each other so much.... that I want to move on ".

Please tell us a bit more,if you don't mind.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (9 October 2017):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSweetie you sound really jumbled up and confused and I feel for you because it's clear you're deeply infatuated with this young man. You say you're both in love but then if that's the case, why aren't you together? You then say that you've changed for him, that you feel he didn't deserve you earlier but now you think he does.

Calm down and take a deep breath. Now tell us clearly why you're not together. Has he said no to you? Is that why you want to get over him? And if he hasn't then why can't you just ask him to be your boyfriend?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (9 October 2017):

N91 agony auntDenizen is right. Ask him where you stand and then when you finally know you have closure.

I'm gonna say though if you've known each other for 4 years and nothing has ever happened despite being 'in love' with each other, then I can't see it ever doing.

Be upfront, ask him what's going on and then you have your answer.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (9 October 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntBeing "in love" is mutual, so what you're describing is a strong crush/infatuation.

Why can't you date him? Is he still not single?

What do you mean by rocky past?

I'm sorry, OP; there's no quick fix. To get over someone, you generally need to cut contact until the feelings fade.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2017):

Denizen agony auntWhy don't you propose taking it to the next level? If you don't take the opportunity you will always regret it.

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