A
male
age
41-50,
*rmarciano
writes:Hello there.I'm 31 years old and I have a girlfriend for almost 2 years now. She's really special and she's the kind of person that I want to spend the rest of my time with.When we were talking about her past (like almost a year ago) she told me that she had a 2 years serious relationship with a lesbian girl. That shocked me because I was really ready to her that! She only liked that girl and she always had male boyfriends but after a really bad relationship with a "psycho" ex boyfriend of her, she met this girl and felt in love with her. I know that love is strange and you choose the person you think you will be happy in that moment!But still I found strange this choice and commitment because I consider in my twisted head and loving heart that she shouldn't have had a lesbian relationship.Of course I have a lot of issues with this and the acceptance was really easy and I'm still working on it!I can't find any thing written about this particular case so please share your experience with me!Thanks so much and help me be a better boyfriend and accept her past for good!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): You have been in a thriving relationship with your girlfriend for two whole years. She broke the truth to you a year ago!
She disclosed something to you at the risk of the reaction you are still having up to now. This took a lot of courage on her part. Most people would hide it.
There is going to be a point where your dwelling on it is going to become a strain on the relationship. I bet it has already.
Bear this in mind. Guys who brood and wrestle too long on past issues; really start to take a toll on everybody's nerves. Your girlfriend will start to feel like you're always holding judgement over her head.
After a dragged-out period of your obsessing over her dead and gone nonexistent relationship; it really comes down to getting over it, or setting her free.
Enough is enough.
Time to move forward. She was honest with you. Let her know if she's wasting her time.
We are talking about the woman who has been your girlfriend and lover for the last two years. You can over-analyze things and stay stuck in the past. Or you can live in the present, and come to terms with the truth.
You love each other.
Lets see how that works out.
Nothing is any different from before; accept you know more about her than you did before. She can't change her past; but she has committed herself to you. So I guess your feelings for her will have to override your prejudices.
It's a year after you've been told. Why are you still with her?
The greater question is, why is it still a problem?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): So...are you homophobic? Are you baffled that someone you love had a homosexual relationship? Are you in disbelief that someone like your girlfriend could have been interested in a woman? I do not know your beliefs or cultural practices, but be open-minded. She can love who she wants regardless of sex amd gender. Right now she is with you.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (23 January 2014):
 Sorry, I sent that way before I intended to.
Anyway, point being that human beings aren't just gay or straight. And the fact that your girlfriend fell in love with a woman is nothing to be threatened by or in no way finished her feelings for you. It shows her depth and capacity to love people for who they are rather than what appendage they tote around.
If she loves you, you have nothing to sorry about. for me, the thought that I'm the only woman she's ever been with in a sea of boyfriends doesn't make me insecure. Because as long as I know she loves me, I'm the only person she sees or looks at. And as long as she loves me, she will never "crave dick" (sorry for that statement) like some people insist. It's a bond we share. and as long as we have that and are happy, her sexual past is no issue whatsoever.
It sounds like you bare afraid she will leave you for a woman. But as I said, as long as you two are happy, you have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 January 2014):
As a lesbian female myself, and having a partner who has never been with a woman before me, I can say that love is not bound to simply being gay or straight. You're looking at it too black and white. Human sexuality falls on a contingency scale. Even though I'm gay, I still run across men who I find attractive. And can I tell you how many "straight" women who have never been with a woman before I have dated??
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (23 January 2014):
Really this comes down to choices.....you need to make a choice of choosing to let it go or let this idea of your girlfriends past....key word PAST....consume you and take over what you think happened.
Maybe you need to have an open conversation about her relationship with her ex girlfriend for you to have closer. To get a better understanding.
Or maybe just let it go. You yourself stated in your statement that she is special and you like to spend time with her.
Don't let this past take over something so special in your life.
Good Luck!
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