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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a "make other people happy complex" and i feel guilty if i am not able to make others happy at the place i go. I fear criticizm from my parents if i am not able to please the people i associate with wherever i go. That seems to be the only learned etiquette for being social as taught by my parents. Any advice as to whether this could be dealt with? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, confusedsoul  +, writes (21 May 2007):
Original Poster..
Thanks for your replies. I have understood an underlying deep fear of disobeying my father, who had been quite dominating for me and i always had to comply to what he said to me. It was as if, he dictated what should make me happy and what not. So i tend to project this on to others and behave based on assumption that my actions would make them happy, whether or not they really do is not in my list of thinking. I feel that i am doing my duty by behaving like that and alleviates some of my perfectionist guilt of making everything right for everyone around.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 I have exactly the same problem as you: I spend my life worrying about the way I make others feel, even though I never do anything to intentionally hurt people. I spend time worrying that I've annoyed or upset people who are rude or nasty to me! I am a nice person but I think this goes further than that, but I really don't know where it stems from.
I did see a counsellor for a while but never really got a chance to go fully into the reasons. Maybe it is something you'd like to try? I know it takes time but life is short and it's important that you're happy too, not just those around you.
If you'd like to talk further, send me a personal message, I think we'd have a lot in common. If not, good luck with it, hope you get the help you need. If you can't afford that or it's not for you, set yourself some targets to get over this: say you'll definitely say no to someone this week for example and find out what happens.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Dawn_14  +, writes (19 May 2007):
 i'm sry to have to tell you this actually i'm not but you've been blessed with a good heart. but just let it go sometimes i mean you can't control everyone's emotions and its just to hard to try to. just be yourself sometimes you can't make people feel happy but sometimes you just can't be happy so just try to make them feel better if it doesn't work its not your fault hope this helps
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