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age
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writes: I no longer know what to do. I feel as though my BF and I are getting inside this never ending suffering...Ok, I'm 19. He's 22. I have asked for help with this before, but even though he says it hasn't I feel this has gotten worse. He has issues with my past. This is a bit long...It starts at 14. My sister's then boyfriend had a friend ("V") in a nearby town, he had sent V a picture of me and V had liked me so he contacted me on MSN. We talked for months before meeting in person, and I had seen a pic of him. Then one day he came to visit his friend, and we all went to a party and V and I hooked up. That was my first kiss and I had a crush on him for a while but my shyness and the distance never let me take things further.Then, I met a guy who was 18 ("D"). D met my sister, and she introduced me to him because we had things in common. When they just met, my sis cheated on her then bf with D. Then, about a year later, I developed a crush on D and started a friendship with benefits (we were good friends). He was crushing on one of my friends, and I knew he didn't like me in that way and he was kinda just using me. I had quite low self esteem, and did everything he wanted to make him like me (with no success), I gave him a blow job at 15. I guess I messed up 'cos everytime he got horny he'd come to me, and as I had low self esteem and wanted him to love me, I gave in. I remained a virgin though, there wasn't much sexual stuff going on, just the blow job and second base.One day my sis auditioned for a band. The bass player ("E") caught my eye, but I never met him. Sometimes I saw E in the street and yeah I was attracted to him. Lucky for me I met E a year later through the internet. I quickly developed a crush on him before meeting him in person. I once attended a gig just to see him. I liked him and let him know through an e-mail. Unfortunately I also met one of his friends (C) who developed a crush on me, and I didn't like him. C became a good friend although I think he jeopardized what I had with E (things were going great until one day E stopped talking to me). E and C are friends with my BF's brother (can you say, "small town"?).I was already 17, it was the March of 2006. I went to one gig, alone. E, C and D were there. I went over to C's table. We talked. E was there and he saw me but didn't even say "hi". I was hurt 'cos E had been so great with me even flirty and he had turned so silent! C and E were together in a band and it was their turn to play. I saw D was near with a bunch of guys. I went over to sat hi and small talk. In those few minutes, my no BF (R) saw me and checked me out. I didn't notice him. He was among D's friends.Then I was alone again. A guy I didn't know approached me ("P"), and we talked for a while. I was a bit drunk and hurt by E ignoring me, add that to me never being lucky with guys and low self esteem so we ended making out! I felt dirty, but also felt empowered. This guy was much older than me, but I didn't know that because I didn't ask him, I found out by a friend days later. C was angry, he confessed his feelings for me and I turned him down. I went and said hi to E, and we talked, he told me I was a really special girl and that he valued me a lot, but that I didn't have to go so low if I wanted someone (because of P... this year I found out that E also had a crush on me).The next day, a guy added me to MSN. It was R. We became friends immediately. He also played in a band with D, so I went to one of their gigs. Then one day my girl friends, D, R and I went out to the bar. Everyone left, except for D. He started pushing me to kiss him even though I didn't want to, but I gave in so he'd cut it. It was the most awful kiss ever.Then in July 2006 I went out with my friends, and met another guy who was a bit older than me (A). We made out, I was bit drunk, A walked me home, and I never knew anything about him again, because I refused to give him my number.Then in August 2006 I started going out with R alone, as I had fallen for him. He was falling for me too. By the end of August, we were officially together.Fast forward to March 2007, one day he got jealous of D and asked me if I had ever had something with him. I knew R was a very jealous and angry guy, so I was scared and lied. He asked again and I came clean. He kept pushing for details but felt it was too much for him to handle and kept lying. I know it was wrong, but I never had a BF before and was really scared of losing him. I realize how stupid and coward of me was to lie, and I regret it, because it made him lose his trust in me.I thought this was a reason for him to be hurt and leave me. And he left me. But now he knows everything I just typed. I had to tell him. And now that I know honesty is the best policy, every time he asks for details I have to tell him even though I wish he didn't ask (he says he NEEDS to know, to know what kind of person I am).We have had several arguments and break ups over this. I'm losing my patience. He says he had a different image of me, that he didn't think I was shuch a whore. (Yes, he has called me a whore and a sl*t). Yet he says he can't imagine himself without me. I have left him several times because I tell him he makes me feel like I do more wrong than good to him. He says I've hurt him, but that I have way better things that he'll never find in no one else. He says he knows he's being unfair with me, because he knows it's his problem, not mine, but that he doesn't know how to deal with it or how to control his emotions.He believes that I might cheat on him because of how I was in my past. No matter what I tell him to reassure him, it doesn't sink in. He's also mad because he discovered that one day I was angry and I talked to one of my girl friends and told her I was fed up with his immaturity. He says I must speak badly about him all the time (not true). He thinks I'm also downplaying my stories he assumes I've done much worse things, and accuses me of lying again.Things were starting to look very positive as we have an otherwise great really really great relationship. He's a wonderful man, very loving and special. He told me he was starting to feel better about my past. He says he still does. But lately we argue and make up like everyday, he obssesses about details and everything about my past, looking for clues or I don't know what. But it's worse than before even though he says the intensity is lowering.He says he's willing to change for me but doesn't know how. He says he doesn't wanna lose me and even though sometimes it may not seem so, he does love me deeply.Some background on him: his father abandoned and abused him, his brother and mother. He was cheated on by his first gf with his best friend.
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best friend, blow-job, crush, drunk, flirt, horny, jealous, msn, player, second base, self esteem, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): okay so basically you made out with a few guys that are all somehow connected with your bf right? and its not like you were handed out bjs or had sex with anyone right? so i thikn youre boyfriend is being gay, im in the SAME relationship right now, except a bit more longterm and on a bigger scale, and instead of kissing a bunhca guys she had sex with 8 of us, and so i have a little bit of your boyfriends perspective i guess, but still hes bein a bit absurd, i can see him wanting to know, and to some extent i think he has a right to know, because they know each other and for all he knows u may have kissed all of his friends, and because when ur ina relationship with someone that gets serious, the past is the past, but to an extent i believe u at least have the right to know where each other have been, but i mean u kissed some guys, end of story, i could see him beign curious and maybe a little worried, but one way or the other it was just a few makeouts i mean COME ON, how can you be a slut by making out with B C D and E? lol keep yo hayyud up showteee
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFine, thanks to all for at least reading it.
But stop answering if it's so confusing and you can't make anything out of it. It's juts I needed opinions or suggestions on what to do.
If a mod can delete it, go ahead. It's a useless questio anyway, isn't it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): all i got out of that question is that half the alphabet fancy you!!
lol im confused!!
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A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 I feel like I maybe should have just rejected this question... I was just baffled by it and assumed there was a problem in there somewhere.
Sorry if I wasted anyones time, and for letting down my fellow moderators.
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A
female
reader, Landie  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Thats long and very confusing.You and your bf have had many problems in the past not just with each other but also privatly.
You guys have to sit down and maybe spend a day trying to talk everything out. Be completely honest and add how your self-esteem is low.
It sounds like you care about each other a lot. So spend a day talking about everything and telling every detail, even if its hard.
Then take a day from each other decide how you feel bout everything then meet again to talk about how your relationship will continue, just as friends or as bf gf.
good luck
Hope things work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, it'd be if there's anything I can do to save the relationship or if I'm doomed?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): That's a nice life story! Perhaps even an epic novel. Have you considered a career in journalism?
My problem is that I'm totally confused and baffled and can't really understand if there's a question in there somewhere. Is there?
Phil
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