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writes: I had my daughter with my boyfriend when I was 20 but we broke up. I have been with my husband for 5 years, since she was almost 1. We have been married for a year and a half. I left my husband for another man a few months before our first anniversary. I found out he was smoking pot on a regular basis and was suppose to have stopped almost all together... at least this is what I was told when I said "I do". After living with this older more successful man for a few months I went back to my husband who promised to get out of his business he started with his best friend and had been working at for the last 3 years, 6 days a week, late nights. Its been 6 months and he is still there and can't get out legally for almost another year because of a contract completed 2 years ago. The other man was great and I stayed in contact with him to discover he has already found someone new and they have moved into the new house I helped to design. My family all moved back to our home state. I just got a great new job and I'm in school, but I still feel unhappy and I don't know why. I wonder if it's my relationship or just my imagination.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): The causes of people's unhappiness are many and diverse but they all have one thing in common. The typical unhappy person is one who "feels" that he/she has been deprived of some normal satisfaction within their own life. From your posting, I really sense you're unhappy because you want something more out of life...something you can't get. Watch out! It's a trap because the more you don’t get,the more you believe you want it. Actually, dear..your life sounds great but your attitude needs a makeover..you need to find contentment for who you are, and where you are,in your life.
You have so much in your life and you seem blessed. Be happy for that. You are in school, you have a great job, your family has moved there...so why can't you just say "hey, wait a minute! my life is wonderful. There are some minor problems that get in the way but I can work with that. I need to accept life as it is and just...be happy." And after you say this to yourself, I will say to you 'welcome to the the realities of life!" We all suffer from unhappiness and discontentment in our lives, from time to time. But what make one stand out, is the strength and perseverence to get beyond that. One cannot sweat the small stuff they cannot change, so all baggage has to be dropped. If you can't do that, you will continually be disatisfied with everything! Only you can change the way you feel. Stop feeling like you're missing out on something...or that you should've done this or that. You cannot go back and change what's happened...just move forward now with a newfound, positive, mature outlook on life, dear. You family, your husband, your children will all feel your love and happiness and they too will greatly benefit.
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reader, kellyO  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 Dearie, could be that u have had a lot of events this past period and made u feel strain. Getting a job, going back to school, ex-boyfriend and ur husband. It is alot of acitivities to have happened and i am sure u feel abit numb for going thru all of them. if this is the problem and u do have enough cash then you arrange for a shoart vacation with ur family.
It could also be u arent happy with the fact that your husband spends alot of time at work. You did mention he spends 6days a weeks and late nights for three years now. He seem not to be able to get out of it becos of the contract he took so u have to be patient and know that at least that will soon be taken care of. maybe he could request for some time of and spend it with u guys. could help.
I know that ur husband previoulsy was into pot and u werent happy. if he has moved on from that then u shouldnt let that bother u and hold that against him anymore. He seem to be really trying to work on his life and improve on it, you have to support him.
Also, u mentioned ur ex-boyfriend have moved in with someone to the house u helped designed. how do u feel about that? do u still have feelings for him? Do u wish it was rather u he was with? Address those feelings. u did decide to go back to ur husband and he has right to move on with someone else. i feel he loves this woman to have her move in with him if that is the case then he is a lost cause.that is part of ur past now.
Take ur time and think to find out what indeed is bothering u. if it is your relationship try fix it, u guys should create time to spend together. You could try counting the good things in your life it could help. You have a great job, a lovely daughter and a husband working hard for his family who has turned his life around for u.
All the best.
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reader, happytochat  +, writes (4 January 2006):
Perhaps its stress? Or perhaps its you feeling that the guy you are with, you don't really love? Do you trust him? Does he treat you with respect? Do you feel he loves you?
Or perhaps you are suffering from a mental illness, like for example depression. Often people who suffer from this, can't identify what is getting them soooo down, its due to the chemiical inbalance in their brain. I suggest going to your doctor and explaining that you have been feeling really down lately and if they think there is a possibility of you suffering from depression, then, they will get some tests done or refer you to a specialist.
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