A
male
age
30-35,
*h1p01
writes:Hi all,Cant say this is a question really, but more or less a plea for some advice or opinions on my situation.I have been seeing this girl for about 4 years now. We have had our ups and downs like any couple. But recently i have been feeling like things have been falling apart. I am 24 and finishing up my last semester at school and she is 22 finishing up hers. On top of everything, I was away at spring training this past week and met an absolutely lovely girl. We seemed to hit it off almost instantly. I had no intentions of meeting anyone and was not trying but this just happened. She was tall like me, into my sport, funny, beautiful, and we kept accidentally finishing each others thoughts. And I found that even when she had a difference of opinion she did not feel the need to defend it or wave it like a flag like so many do. She simply just stated her opinion and moved on. I found this confidence and modesty to be very attractive and allow me to respect and accept her words more than I would if she was trying to fight for them. We talked, we joked, we laughed, we became friends. On the ride home it got late and she cuddled up to me and fell asleep...and I let her :/ Over all I have never felt such an organic, easy, fun, comforting connection with someone before and it confuses me. I would never let thing go further than they did as I do respect my GF and the relationship we have. Things with my GF have been getting rough because of our long distance separation, differences in opinions and life styles, among other things. She keeps asking me to support her and 'wait' until she graduates to live out lives. I have been waiting patiently for 4 years and she keeps fining reasons to extend that wait period. I want to live my life and share it with someone right now. And she only ever seems to negative about school and whats going on in her life . She has pushed away many friends and i am now starting to feel pushed away. I guess I just feel that our relationship is starting to become weary with little breaks. This encounter with this girl has reminded me of the fun times i have forgotten. I just am not sure what to do. Dont get me wrong, I love my GF and respect her, but fear we are not fit for one another. I dont know if I should try to make what I have work, cut my loses or what. I know my GF loves me and thinks we r gonna get married and all that stuff...and im not the kinda guy that can break hearts easily. Also this girl i met is only 19 and the sister of one of my teammates.I am just confused, I never expected to meet someone or feel the way I did. In fact I have never felt the way I did about anyone the way I did with her. I have had crushes and been in short and long term relationships and this was different.I am just looking for anyone's view on this matter. Funny how little things can pop outta nowhere and jumble everything up.
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confidence, crush, long distance, period Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 March 2015):
 Many guys will suggest that you take both of them to bed (Separately, of course!)... and, whichever is the hotter, choose her for "your girl."
On the other hand... I suggest that you invite each of them over for dinner (separately, again)... and, when she arrives tell her you expect HER to make the meal.
If either of them stays... and cooks a great meal for you.. then she is THE ONE... and all other considerations are "off the table".....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): I recently went on a hike by myself and ran into a guy halfway up the trail. We talked then entire hike up, and everything just seemed to click. Easy conversation, he was VERY attractive, etc., etc. BUT, I have a BF of 3 years. And I love my boyfriend. So, what did I do? I said goodbye to this handsome stranger and never spoke to him (or really thought much of him, until now) again. People come in and out of our lives all the time. Some are not worth holding on to. Sure, they may seem great at first, being super friendly and only talking about fun things.But, what are they really like? I was attracted to this handsome gentleman, but then I thought to myself...what if he's financially irresponsible? What if he's had sex with a huge number of girls? (something that I could never handle, given that I've only slept with one person). What if he has issues with his family?Don't leave your GF for another girl. Only leave her if you believe that she is not "the one" for you right now.My boyfriend and I agree on a LOT of our core values. He's someone that I believe would be a great husband and father one day. And I would never throw that away unless I was 100% sure that it was the right thing to do!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): I understand your confusion. Why don't you have a visit with your girlfriend and actually spend time together and see how you feel. I agree, it is hard to have a solid relationship when there is distance between you. It is possible that your girlfriend often seems negative and upset because she misses you, maybe she is sexually frustrated even. It is hard to be in love with someone and not be able to spend time with that person. I am sure she feels just as lonely as you. And misses being held and touched and loved. It is hard to put your emotional and sexual needs on hold for so long. And on top of it dealing with the stress of college, exams, papers, deadlines. And not even have the person you love to unwind with, give you a massage, have sex, cuddle. Whatever. Have that person near you, the one who helps you take your mind off of daily drudgery. She is probably pent up with sexual tension with no release because she is waiting to be with you. That can put people in an uneasy mood sometimes. So I think you should wait to spend some time with your girlfriend and see how that goes before making any rash decision. You said you are both in your last semester at school. Wouldn't that mean that you are both free to move closer to each other in just three months? You should start discussing this with her and see what the plan is. Cause if after you both graduate she plans to try to buy herself more time with the long distance thing, then maybe you are right, it is time to cut your losses. That's a long time to wait. So I suggest you talk to her about it and spend some time together. And see how you feel afterwards. And then decide. But I agree that if she has no plan to bridge the distance between you two real soon, then it is time to cut your losses.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 March 2015):
 Maybe the girl from Spring Break was more of a catalyst and an eyeopener than your future GF.
Things aren't going well in your relationship, and you should have thought of trying to FIX it before "branching out" with another girl, though it seems to kept the interactions pretty platonic with the 19 year old.
Aside from her (the 19 year old) YOU have to look at your relationship and decide IS IT worth fixing, CAN it be fixed and WHAT will it take to fix. Then you NEED to talk to your GF. And together you either FIX it or end it. This really has NOTHING to do with that 19 year old. THIS is between YOU and the GF.
Staying with the GF because you don't want to hurt her feelings or because SHE has certain expectations (which aren't unreasonable after 4 years together) it's not a good idea. That is pity dating.
I would NOT bring up the 19 year old in the talks you are going to have with your GF. And I would NOT go chasing AFTER the 19 year old as soon as you break up either.
It's EASY enough to have a good time with someone you barely know. It's easy to feel attraction even though you are in a long term relationship. It's the "new car smell" all over.
You need to make a choice whether your relationship is to continue or not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): Sounds like this girl is a bit of a pipe dream to be honest. You are letting your heart exaggerate its feelings because you're feeling bored and let down in your current relationship. You've got to remember you haven't been witht his girl long time so you don't know her bad points or how mundane the relationship would get ;). I think you need to express to your girlfriend that you're upset she keeps postponing your plans. If you don't tell her any of your concerns she won't know and you won't be able to fix them!
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