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I have a crush on my music teacher..should I tell him how I feel?

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Question - (12 June 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2014)
A female Canada age 18-21, anonymous writes:


I am a 14 year old freshman in high school, and I kind of have a crush on my music teacher. It's not just because of looks(although he is extremely hot) but because of his outstanding personality as well. He is kind and caring and sweet and everything you could ever want in a guy. He is also leaving my school on June 23rd, and won't be teaching next year. Should I tell him that I like him, or should I just suggest we stay in touch. Chances are that I will never see him again, so.....

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (12 June 2014):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Use your crush when choosing a boyfriend your own age. If you like what you see in your music teacher, then that is what you should look for in a boyfriend.

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntNo you should not tell him or anyone else. This crush will quickly pass.

Many people your age have crushes on their teacher. You are at the age of sexual urges, emotional and physical changes and hormones. You are changing from a child to being on the way to adulthood and the emotions that come with it...he is the first adult male in your life who is physically attractive, seems to understand you and pays you attention. Whereas other adults, and your parents, no doubt leave you feeling they don't understand how you feel, your teachers job is to do the opposite. It is his job to be kind, supportive, sweet and fun. It is not a reflection of either his personality nor any sign he likes you.

"He is kind and caring and sweet and everything you could ever want in a guy."

You don't know him outside of the classroom. Good teachers are good with kids. Away form work he could be very different. You are 14, a child, what you think you want from a man at 14 is very simplistic and free from the baggage that comes from reality of a proper relationship. The fact is you are crushing on him because he is good looking and pays you attention.

If you were to tell him how he feels he would probably find it amusing to be honest. No disrespect but as he is an adult man and you are a child barely into your teens he is

not going to seriously think anything of it as he understands how young you are, and that kids crush on teachers all the time. At best he would humour the situation and that would leave you feeling foolish.

Telling him will achieve NOTHING. You are a 14 year old child, whereas he is a full grown man, an adult. If anything came of it relationship wise he could loose his job and go to jail. Even if you both stayed in touch just as friends it would be completely inappropriate for him to do that with an underage girl he was once the teacher of. It could ruin his reputation and would put him in a situation where his judgement and integrity would be questioned. So even if you asked him to stay in touch, he would (hopefully) have the integrity and professionalism to refuse, or (hopefully not) do so and break the law and show himself to be either extremely naïve or a paedophile.

You are at an age where you will be changing, maturing, developing, learning and making the awkward transition from childhood, through adolescence and eventually into adulthood. You may have a crush on this guy now, but a few months down the line your feelings will be very different. This will pass, please don't tell him you like him or suggest staying in touch. If he is the good guy you describe him as he will refuse for your own protection.


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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014):

Everyone gets crushes on their teachers, so that's not the issue.

However, it is NOT good that you want to tell him. It could get him in trouble because he'd HAVE to tell the head of your school - just in case any false rumours surface, threatening his career. I know because it happened to a girl in my school (when we were about your age) and her crush went too far because she told him about it.

The only time it's okay (and not illegal) to stay in touch with an old teacher is when you're BOTH over 18 - i.e ADULTS, not an adult and a child. I know that sounds condescending because you won't likely feel like a child, but you are by law and by maturity (in considering bringing your fantasy of him into reality). If you ask to keep in touch, he will HAVE to reject you because it will be seen as inappropriate - which it would be - and, if he didn't refuse, he'd have to be investigated for question all contact with a minor.

Don't do anything. Keep it to yourself; it will fade. Don't obsess; it's unrequited attraction.

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A male reader, CMMP United States + , writes (12 June 2014):

Of course you shouldn't... Seriously what good could come out of it? The fact that you even consider it is a big deal!

People always develop crushes for their teachers. It's totally normal. But at your age it should be obvious that that's all it should be.

Also, you have no idea if he's everything you could want in a man. You just know that he's attractive and you like his personality. This is an important lesson to learn. When you begin dating the other person usually seems good: you're attracted enough to date them and your first impression is good so you date them to get to know what they're like in a less superficial way.

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