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age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged together]Question 1:I know the topic of teacher crushes has been discussed to death on this site but I feel that my situation is a little more unique in that my teacher happens to be a lesbian... So being infatuated with her makes me question my own sexuality! Am I just trying to copy her because I idolize her or am I actually a little queer?? Who knows.. hopefully you might.Alright so here's the background information... (feel free to fast forward to the last few paragraphs)As a child growing up, I always assumed I was heterosexual, no reason for that - I just did. But come to think of it, I always had same sex celeb/teacher crushes and never really any male crushes. As an adolescent I dated a couple of guys but never really "clicked", I have several guys interested in me now (ones that many people would consider to be a 'perfect catch') and yet I still don't "click" with any.Then I met this professor and I was immediately fond of her, in fact everybody loved her - she was wonderful, intelligent, funny and... a lesbian. My fondness quickly developed into a little obsession and that's when I stopped and thought - hey maybe I'm not a heterosexual after all?! *CONFUSION ENSUES*Now I'm stuck in a point where I'm confused about my sexuality because I haven't really clicked with guys and ever since a kid I've had same sex crushes (not really on people my age though, at least not until recently after questioning my sexuality).So I'm not sure if I'm confused because: a) I recently started idolizing a lesbian and therefore wanna be like her; or is it b) the other way around? I idolize women because I am a lesbian???So what are your thoughts on this?I've settled for the conclusion that I'm bisexual with a stronger attraction for women than men. Guessing about 4-5 on the Kinsey scale for those who are familiar with it. But I'm still not sure at all... Help anybody?Thanks for reading! Any answers would be appreciated, especially any insight from your own similar past experiences. Ta.Question 2:once upon a time...I had a professor who was wonderful, intelligent, witty and... a lesbian. My fondness quickly developed into a little obsession.She has a lot of students, hundreds in fact, she wouldn't know more than half of their faces and we only see her a couple of times a week at most. So she's not really close to any students and yet I'm fortunate enough to share quite a close relationship with her. Everybody knows I'm her favorite student and some of my friends even say she flirts with me - saying how beautiful I am, how stylish, how smart, etc. And when she talks to an entire room she nearly always maintains eye contact with me, even when answering somebody else's question. She's a very busy woman and yet finds time to help me out whenever I need it, etc...I could go on but basically the picture I'm trying to paint is: I'm obsessed with this woman, but she also gives me a lot of special attention that feeds my unhealthy obsession. I can't stop thinking about her. It's been over 3 years now...(Oh and have I mentioned she is probably older than my mother and in a relationship? Snap.)So anyway, with my little obsession I used to always find things to email her about, excuses to talk to her and "accidentally" bump into her at college. I would always drown her in compliments about her teaching and shower her with flashy gifts (at appropriate occasions) as tokens of my appreciation for being a mentor to me and whatnot.The present wouldn't just be from me though, even though I came up with the idea, another student would pay for part of the present as well... But she still seemed to accept the present as if it was from just me!These days, I still keep in touch with her now that I'm no longer in her classes and she will reply personally to those emails saying it's fantastic hearing from me, etc. and yet she doesn't reply to other past students who send her emails. Hehehe.I also try to drop hints all the time, that I'm not straight either... Who knows if she catches on or not.. (Just from looking at me, everyone would just assume I'm straight)I wonder if she has any clue that I'm always madly thinking about her???[Note: I DON'T want her to know, that would just be weird.]Are there any teachers out there who could shed some light on this matter from their own experiences with students who had crushes on them? Did you know??Any answers appreciated. Ta.
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crush, flirt, lesbian, my teacher Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TalkingHelps  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1215023/School-teacher-Helen-Goddard-jailed-15-months-lesbian-affair-teenage-pupil.html
A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (24 September 2009):
 I apologize that I misunderstood you, but when you typed this:
"So anyway, with my little obsession I used to always find things to email her about, excuses to talk to her and "accidentally" bump into her at college. I would always drown her in compliments about her teaching and shower her with flashy gifts (at appropriate occasions) as tokens of my appreciation for being a mentor to me and whatnot.
The present wouldn't just be from me though, even though I came up with the idea, another student would pay for part of the present as well... But she still seemed to accept the present as if it was from just me!
These days, I still keep in touch with her now that I'm no longer in her classes and she will reply personally to those emails saying it's fantastic hearing from me, etc. and yet she doesn't reply to other past students who send her emails. Hehehe.
I also try to drop hints all the time, that I'm not straight either... Who knows if she catches on or not.. (Just from looking at me, everyone would just assume I'm straight)
I wonder if she has any clue that I'm always madly thinking about her???"
It very much seemed like you were interested in perusing a relationship with her regardless of her age and the fact that she was in a relationship. Being "obsessed" with someone regardless of their age and relationship status and making strong efforts to flirt and keep in contact with a person usually, in most cases, annotate a strong desire for a relationship with said person.
Again, I apologize for the misunderstanding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh God no, I never even mentioned anywhere I would even contemplate a relationship with her. Haha what part of her being older than my mother did you miss? I'm just infatuated with her, head over heels. But it's totally unrealistic to even think about pursuing anything. I'm happy with everything the way it is!
And thanks for your input 'missaqua' your answer is quite profound. Good food for thought!
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (24 September 2009):
If you get in a relationship with your professor, it could very well cost her, her job. Wait until you have graduated or left that school before going further with your affection. Do not risk her livelihood for curiosity's sake.
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A
female
reader, missaqua777 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Hi i think from reading this as an outsider it seems that you're a very rational person and your instincts couldn't be more accurate, i mean basically it sounds to me like you most probably are a lesbian because your past obsessions all show this trend and you're actually happy to contemplate and imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman that you have a romantic intellectual connection with- the same way me, a very heterosexual person experiences with men, everyone goes through phases but i know for a fact actually being in a gay relationship doesnt appeal at all for me- like how you don't click with men-interestingly i find that i'm obsessed to the EXTREME with ideas, people i find im attracted, some people are just like this it sounds like you have this sort of personality, which is why you approach relationships this strongly, i think obsessions are different for everyone i can definitely relate. of course nobody on here can give you a 100% guaranteed answer who you are in the same way the only way you'll ever know how she really feels is by asking her( im not advising that lol!) which by the way i would bet my savings on for her feeling the same, i don't think there's any doubt she's seriously attracted to you you've kinda mentioned every sign in the book- and the internet haha! especially if it's so clear all your friends have picked up on it-ok she's in a relationship so don't go after her now but my advice- just stay in close contact who knows she might be in a really unhappy relationship she's definitely showing strong interest in you and maybe she's hesitant to tell you how she feels because she doesn't know that you really like her, i mean i've realised and understood so much lately how unclear mixed signals can give the totally wrong impression- does she know that you're also gay and that you're interest in her goes beyond good friends you just don't know maybe flirt with her a bit more adventurously and just maintain your connection with her. above all follow your instincts like when you should defend yourself, protect others and take risks and it'll all unfold eventually- and yeah i would be seriously amazed and intrigued if you don't turn out to be a lesbian. so take care and good luck xxx :D
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