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I have a boyfriend but I'm thinking of meeting up with this guy online who promises to give me 'wild sex.' Is this a good idea, or not?

Tagged as: Cheating, Online dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 January 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid- Here is the problem: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and I love him very much, but our sex life is a little boring. We usually have sex in the bedroom in the same position. I'm very sexual and I like to try new things in new places. Also, my boyfriend is very self concious, so I think he is pretty shy as far as what he thinks I'll like or what he wants to try.

Lately I've been chatting online with a guy who promises to "fufill my fantasies and make my body shake". For some reason, I go along with this and have even considered meeting him somewhere... (he's a friend of a friend so I know hes not dangerous)

But then I think about my boyfriend and I know that I would never want to hurt him or be with somebody else...The only part I find interesting about this other guy is the wild sex he promises....

Am I just craving a crazier sex life?

Please dont tell me that I dont love my boyfriend, because I really do.

View related questions: sex life, shy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

you love him but want to go with another man for sex?

can you see where that doesnt make sence? either leave the man you love or work on your relationship and try to make it better. hes shy, he might feel that he cant please you.

do you tell him what you like? do you ever take the lead? sex is two way.. it needs to be relaxed and open..not just basic, make it fun for him. help him to relax..tease him. the more you tease the more excited he'll get... play on his animal side

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A male reader, David Lewis United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2007):

David Lewis agony auntFriend of a friend huh? Serial killer, Dr Harold Shipman was a friend of my uncle. He wasn't dangerous was he??

So what happens after you have had your wild sex with this other guy? Where does that leave your boyfriend?

This guy promises you wild sex. What if he isn't what you hope for? If he disappoints, will you seek out somebody else?.

Think about your bf a little more. It does take 2 people to make Wild Sex. Take your frustrations out on your boyfriend sexually. You may even surprise yourself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007):

Actually, I digress. Despite your love for your boyfriend, why don't you reconsider staying with him? The fact of the matter is that at this moment in time, you feel as though he isn't sexually compatible with you. Other aunts and uncles have suggested trying to open up sexual communications with your bf, but if you haven't already figured that out, then there is an obvious element that is missing here. That element possibly being unable to communicate with him or get through to him in the first place.

I say, you're still pretty young. Have a bit of fun while you're there, and get someone who is more suitable for your interests right now.

BTW, "he's a friend of a friend so I know hes not dangerous" - that statement is duly false and cannot apply in an universal term. I knew/know of 'friends of friends' that were more dangerous and manipulative than how they expressed themselves on the surface.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007):

you could always buy a vibrator it works if you get a good one. pretend a friend brought it you for your birthday as a joke.

Otherwise u should get yr man drunk and take advantage as the lady said.

dont bother with the internet fling.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (28 January 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey sweetess,

I wouldn't ever suggest that you don't love your boyfriend. It sounds like you geniunely do, but you're just lacking that excitement in the bedroom. I'll bet if he was really spicing things up in there you wouldn't be thinking about seeing this guy online, would you?

I know that everyone has told you to bring it up with your boyfriend. Well, girl - that's the best advice you're going to get. If you really don't want to talk to him, like sit down talk, I'd say you need to take the reigns and tell him what you like. If you're into this kind of thing, maybe you could suggest a "Freaky Friday" (okay, that's a dumb name, but I'm making this up as I go). Tell him it'll be "lots of fun" - you can plan a trip to the porn store, giggle at all the sex positions in books, and maybe pick up a porno or two. Then you can watch the porn together, and when you see a position you'd like to try, SAY something! "That looks fun... can we do THAT tonight??"

Or, even better, pick up a Cosmopolitan magazine. They always have new and crazy positions. Then as you're flipping through it, point it out and say, "can we try this? Cosmo says it's awesome".

Or when he comes home from work, drink a glass or two of wine together, then take control! Take him to the bedroom and have your way with him. Get on top of him! Get on all fours and do it doggy style! Do it against a door! Do it in the kitchen! Go outside to your car and do it in there! As Nike says "JUST DO IT!"

Amen. Just do it, sister. Love it!

If you hook up with some guy from the internet, it'll only make you feel worse. Besides, so many guys talk up their game. I'll bet this internet guy doesn't even make you TREMBLE, let alone shake.

Have fun, sweetness.

xxIndia

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A male reader, maxsteel86 United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2007):

maxsteel86 agony auntWhy dont you just ask your boyfriend to heat things up? Or why dont you lead instead? He's not psychic (I dont think:-P) so you'll have to tell him what's on your mind. You never know, maybe he's getting bored of the same old routine too but is too shy to bring it up?

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A female reader, melschatbox United States +, writes (27 January 2007):

melschatbox agony auntYou are craving excitement! Unfortunately, you can't have a committed relationship and fulfill your fantasies some where else. It's just not fair. If you can't talk to your b/f about your desires now, you never will be able to and then your future is doomed to boredom. Ughh! AND, the reality of it is all this other guy can offer you is sex. Big deal..so you do it ..get your rocks off...and it's good. Then what? You'll do it again? Does this sound like a logical arrangement to you? Well..let me tell you, it's not. Decide what is most important to you, your loving boyfriend or a roll in the hay with a stranger that may not even deliver what you are expecting?

Good Luck.

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A female reader, xLEAHx United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2007):

xLEAHx agony auntTheres one thing you should know about some of these guys online,to say there'l give you the best sex ever, and iv got a big manhood is just a way of getting into your pants,guys brag,so don't read too much into it and believe this guy on the internet,if you love your b/f and you think he has a problem with shyness then talk about it,make him feel good about himself his proberly feeling insecure and maybe a bit inexperienced and lacking in confidence, instead of having sex in the bedroom why not come onto him anywhere in the house make the first move and when your having sex just change possitions so he can follow lead, talk to him about where you'd like to have sex and what possitions you'd like to try..having good sex is about comunicating with eachother and letting eachother know what you both like,also try dirty talking whispering in his ear,that would turn him on wherever you were and he'd proberly wanna take you there an then,so forget this internet guy and concentrate on your b/friend

GOOD LUCK ..xLEAHx

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (27 January 2007):

Here's an idea. How about getting your boyfriend to give you wild sex. That's what boyfriends are for, aren't they. You probably feel that he doesn't want to, or that he thinks that he can't. That is really your problem.

Your solution is not to get wild sex else where, its to talk to your boyfriend about it. I would say that you need to do this carefully if you think he is shy or insecure about it, but if he loves you and actually does want to have sex with you, he won't mind growing up in this department, to become the wild sex god you are looking for. You need to help him find the sex god within. To do this requires communication.

Alternatively, if he doesn't want to fulfil you sexually, or you can't solve your problems together, I recommend you try councelling to help you with your problems.

Good luck.

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