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I hate myself because I am bi sexual. Help!

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2008) 10 Answers - (Newest, 29 December 2009)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok this is my question to everyone, i am 17, and a senior in high school, and i hate myself because i am bi, it has gotten to the point where i cant stand looking at myself in the mirror, and all my relationships have become strained to no end because i push everyone away because i dont want people to know i am bi. I have searched on other forums no real help, so i need someones help because i really dont know what to do.

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A female reader, Emz105 United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2009):

I'm almost 16 and in year 11 at school, i recently told my close friend that i liked her and it didn't go as i had planned, oyu should tell your closest friends and see what they think, as long as you have your best friends you will be fine and when you finally find that one person you love you will understand how worth it all this crap you go through is.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008):

Why not pick one sex and stick to it.

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A female reader, michele21 United States +, writes (2 November 2008):

michele21 agony aunthey sweartheart im 21 and im a bisexual i use to hate it in high school people started finding out and calling me all sorts of names and i felt like a piece of crap....but all that matters is you and making urself happy at the end of the day don't push people away they are more understanding then you think and if there not then they were never ment to be your friend in the first place i've been through a lot of bull crap expecially family and friend wise but i just keep my head up and do what i can...im currently with a female and so miserable with her and im in love with a older female and she doesn't feel the same for me i don't know what to do about it but i tell myself im me and if you don't like me for me than its your loss not mine....theres people all over this world sweety you just gotta find them...hope this helps you good luck in the furture and remeber you are still young

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A female reader, EileenMarie1995 United States +, writes (2 November 2008):

EileenMarie1995 agony auntBe who the hell you want to, you shouldn't be judged for being Bi. I'm also bi, and I'm open about it. I've got great family and good friends, and they all know. Whoever gives you shit for being bisexual or even gay, push them away because they aren't worth it. Most of my best friends are Bi. You just need to open up and let people in instead of pushing them out just because you're afraid of what they'll think of you. People who love you for who you are are the only ones who really matter. Just remember- Be youself, no matter how people think of you, let people in, love who you want, hate who you want, shut out haters.

I'd love to talk to you a little more, you seem pretty cool. Hit me upp whenever you want && share the news3

Ily(:

-*Marie[[Massacre]]*

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey, everyone, thanks for you help, and not attacking me :P, because i needed to hear that there are people out there who are/went though what i am going though

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A male reader, Gary18 United States +, writes (29 October 2008):

Gary18 agony auntHi there I am 18 as well. I am a gay guy and I know what you are going through. I use to hate myself too. Every now and again I feel shame but then I realize that I was born this way. I was gay since I can remember, I knew even as a child that I liked men. I am somewhat out, but I still lead a double life sort of. I am not as hesitant to answer truthfully when someone asks. If they don't like the fact then they don't have to talk to you. Be your self and to hell with what other people think of you, you are you. You are unique, so ignore their twisted reality of whats right and wrong. Who the hell are they to tell you what you should be. You can't keep treating yourself this way because if you do then you're no different than the straight people who despise our kind. Be true to yourself. I'm not saying that you have to come out because you don't. When the time is right, you can choose who to tell and when to tell. If you ever do decide to tell then make sure you know the person really well.... Make sure that they aren't the type to go around spilling your secret to everyone. First ask what they think of gays and bis. If their answer is negative then say that you were just wondering if they ask why you wanted to know. I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck, love yourself, respect who you are regardless of what people think or say. ^_-

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008):

hi. sometimes you get good advice here, and sometimes not. it depends on who's answering you. all three here had good stuff to say (emily is always cool). i'd just like to add something from a guys perspective who has recently been there. i am 19, bi, not really out, and in my second year of college. a lot of your anguish will go away after you graduate. high school sucks for a bi kid, you just got to keep your self esteem up and graduate. if you're going to college, it is a much more accepting place. if you're not, you're calling your own shots then anyway. being bi for many of us is a balancing act. there is no reason to 'come out' if you're bi, as the need might be there for our gay & lesbian brothers and sisters. by coming out, you are leaving a certain group behind and moving forward with those that remain (and new friends). you don't have to do that, it is a choice. in fact, stop pushing people away that want to be around you. many of us go through life with pretty much a heterosexual outward appearance because that is where we might be a certain percentage of the time. we have girlfiends, date, marry and have families. and yes, on occassion, we are attracted to a person of our own sex, physically and emotionally. there is no reason not to react and enjoy your ability to appreciate a special bond with someone of our own sex. it does not have to be a big deal, and you don't have to 'come out' to do it, and most of all you don't need to feel bad about it. it can be a smaller percentage of your life that you keep to yourself and share with just a few people who can understand it. being bi means you got choices, just make good ones and you will be happy. so, my advice is: it sounds like you need a hug. stop looking in the mirror and go find a friend to hug who will understand you. male or female. and know that a lot of the bs goes away after high school. peace.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008):

The solution to this problem lies within yourself. I am also a bisexual woman who recently came out. The most frightening thing is the possibility of loosing those you care about or being excommunicated. However, there are so many people who are GLBT or have at least had an experience or two and you would never know it. Some people may be apprehensive when you come out to them purely out of ignorance or shock of what was once unknown to them. Don't worry about any of this. Once you can accept yourself and be confident in the person that you know yourself to be now, everything will fall into place. Others will learn to accept your lifestyle. Those that don't, just don't. If they really care and love you they will come around. If not, remember that it's your life and you have to live it and enjoy it the best way you can. There should never come a point when you don't feel comfortable being yourself. If you hate yourself, others will do the same because you're sending them the message that who you are isn't good enough. If you love and accept yourself that is what you shall get in return.

Best of Luck!!!

-Woman Who's Been There

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2008):

Chill out!! That's what you need to do.

Does it really matter if you find men attractive? No one is forcing you to wear pink shirts or marry one.

You can be bi your whole life and never act on it.

My friend is bi and she had a girlfriend for 4 years. Now she has a boyfriend who she is committed to.

Go out, get a date, smile and stop obsessing over this. I don't understand how this could possibly affect you in such a negative way other than the fact you are being dramatic.

It's a sexual urge. It doesn't rule your life.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, s3xY United States +, writes (28 October 2008):

s3xY agony auntyou shouldnt hate yourself just because your bi i mean people are different but thats not a bad thing you shouldnt get to the point were you hate yourself you should love yourself no matter what and when your with someone one that you know you can trust then tell them you dont need to keep it bottled up inside and if you dont trust them then dont tell them

XOXO s3xY

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