A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together on and off for the past 4 and a half years and i hate having sex with him. we are soooo different i like agressivness sexually and he likes gentleness. he only lasts about 2 minutes which is so frustrating for me because i already cant stand how he has sex and the size of his penis donesnt really satisfy me. i can barely feel anything only in certain positions. today he asked me for a quickie before he went to work which i felt like complete crap after his literally 40 second pound. -______-. i feel like sex is supposed to be a bond between two lovers long and passionate not a quick tap that is basically a porno. i understand that from people at like a club or party but a almost 5 year relationship come on =/. i feel like it would be selfish to leave and ive went a month without having sex with him to the point where he felt depressed so now i only have sex for his benefit and not mine heeelpppp
View related questions:
depressed, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Well you can't change people. If you've spoken to him and it doesn't work then it's up to you. Is it a deal breaker? Can you see yourself in this relationship for the rest of your life with crap sex? If not leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes ive talked to him about it and things just keep reverting back to the way they were before. it really feels like im not supposed to be having sex with him. im never excited about it or the fact that he is always smiling during sex like its a joke or something
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2013): Firstly, you need to talk things out...and explore things that will make the sexual experience enjoyable to both of you.
You may also want to talk to a sex therapist, or seek couples therapy to help you find a mutually satisfying way to enjoy sex.
If none of that works, the two of you may just be incompatible sexually....
But like I said, talk things out first. If you love him enough to stay with him despite the sexual issues, then working it out to find a way to make sex mutually satisfying should be easy. ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2013):
 Iagree if you haven't talked to him about this YET, now is the time, it should like the piss-poor sex is killing your libido. The thing is, it's NOT just about him and what he does "wrong" it's about you not effectually EXPLAINING what you need when it comes to sex.
4 1/2 years of bad sex? By gods!
DO something, lady!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2013): When people are sexually incompatible, that is reasonable justification for them to end the relationship. It might be a general consensus that "sex" isn't what a relationship is built upon. Well, that depends on how important sex is to you; and how strong your sexual appetite happens to be. Yes, you can have it all. That's why you have to keep dating; until you find a compatible partner. One who gives you both emotional and sexual satisfaction. Everyone wants immediate gratification; or they're in a race to the altar. Needy and desperate people cling to the first person that will agree to three consecutive dates.Wham-bam!!! You're in a relationship. The problem is, you'll bypass things that would assure you real satisfaction, and build a good foundation for a relationship that will advance to many levels. So here we are.If the core of the relationship starts to deteriorate; because either partner is not happy, then it's logical to recreate the relationship, or to end it. Why should one partner in a relationship simply give up in frustration; while the other simply ignores the fact there is something seriously wrong? The relationship will spontaneously implode.Oh, you'll be told to talk about it. Really? Can talk really make his penis grow? Can talk make him turn into a sex-machine, if that isn't what he really is? Then the role of being a fake is shifted from one partner to the other.Honestly, all you can do is tell him how you feel. That you feel that you don't get an equal amount of satisfaction from making love. Be straightforward and direct. What have you got to lose? Either he suffers from performance-anxiety from being told he's a lousy lover; or you'll lie there feeling like a used tissue, a few minutes after he gets-off.Some men do need coaching from their mates. Why you've waited so many years to come to this conclusion, is a huge mystery? When a guy lacks skill and imagination; you have every right to takeover, and show him a few tricks. Unless you're just as boring and unimaginative as he is. It isn't all his job, you know!Maybe at last you realize now that you must have wanted a boyfriend so badly; that you thought you could fake or just bypass the sex part. Like many women may do. You don't have to get an erection, you can pretend to be turned-on, and fake an orgasm. Guys can't do that. Nor can they grow a larger penis, once they reach full adulthood. In spite of those stupid pill commercials. They're all total bullsh*t!!! The blue pill makes it hard, keeps hard, that's it. As time wears on, you'll become a lot more aware of his faults; and more aware/attuned to your own needs. They'll scream in your head. When you're horny and not sexually satisfied; the sexual-frustration makes you irritable, and hypersensitive to little aggravations. Regardless of your gender. Male or female, if your partner is a dud; they're also the source and target of your frustrations.The unfair part is, he'll get all the blame. You committed to the guy for all this time. You could have walked away a long time ago. All the things women's magazines offer about sexuality, you noticed nothing that could be useful?I don't buy the usual worn-out excuses. "You don't want to hurt his feelings." "You love him so much." How would he feel if he read your post? At least he'd know the truth.When many women feel their relationship isn't heading toward marriage; or they just get tired of the guy, they blame the sex. They can't keep up the facade of happiness and finally have to admit that the sex stinks. It's over too soon, he can't keep it up, it could fit in a thimble, and he seems to think nobody's there to be pleased; but him.He's boring in bed, and his lady is sick of waiting for an engagement ring from a guy who she thought she wanted to be the father of her children. Just because women might be able to holdout longer without having sex; doesn't mean they can pretend "bad sex" is satisfying, indefinitely.You've reach that point, my dear. You have centered all your time and effort around maintaining a relationship, and making it good "for him." You've finally come to realize... why did you put up with this crap for so long? Read the tone of your post. That says it all. It's good you had a place to vent your feelings. It might have been a bit cruel to put it so bluntly to his face. Yet, he still deserves the truth.The truth hurts, but it heals. He may pout for a while, and he may not even be able to get it up at-all; once you spill the beans. I think you've reached that point when you looked in the mirror, and asked yourself; where the hell is this going? You made a lot of sacrifice in order to keep the relationship alive; but you seem to be getting the short end of the stick. Pardon the pun!Not being a married couple, allows you leverage and flexibility that a wife doesn't have. If you were married, you vowed to stick around for better, or for worse. You have room for bargaining.You have an easier option to exit.You didn't mention you have children.You can suggest he try using a strap-on. Teach him where and how to put it. You can also have an amiable breakup. Just let him know, although you really still care for him; you do not feel he can fulfill you sexually. In all honesty, it's reaching the point that you are becoming resentful. The lack of fulfillment is unbearable.The thing that I foresee, if you don't; is that you will meet someone and be tempted to cheat. You'll try to keep him, and a lover on the side. That only works for a short while. Until you fall for the guy on the side; or your boyfriend catches you, and kicks your ass to the curb.Grow a pair, tell the guy the truth, end it, and find yourself a man compatible in every-way. Otherwise; buy yourself some toys. Hide them, or openly share them with your partner.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2013): Yes talk to him!!There are things you can do to help make him last longer - lubes and stuff to numb the sensation.Also have you tried going for 'round 2' ? That should make him last longer and he'll probably enjoy it too...!Also if you don't feel anything during sex make sure he gets you off first - toys, fingers, oral etc - sex isn't just about 'sex'.Maybe take it in turns... give him a bj to make him cum, then spend some time on you while he recovers, then have sex and hopefully he'll last longer having already cum just before.As for the quickie, some people find that a turn on - the animalistic instinct and all. But of thats not your thing again talk to him! Thats the key - if you're not satisfied you should be able to discuss and make sure both of you are after nearly 5 years!!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 November 2013):
 5 years?! If you haven't talked to him about whether or not you enjoy your sex life with him, then this relationship is in serious trouble.
The size of his penis is irrelevant here, as the majority of women can not achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. If you've been faking your orgasms with him, then you are training him wrong. Never fake one again, and in fact, be honest and tell him you're not getting what you need.
Have you ever had an orgasm? Do you masturbate? If so, and you have, then you need to really teach him about your body. For him to think that 40 seconds should get you off is for him to think that if you cup his scrotum and NOT touch his penis in any way shape or form he's supposed to get off. Your CLITORIS is your sex organ of pleasure, not your vagina. Women who can have orgasms through intercourse are not in the majority, and it's only because of the proximity of the clitoris to the vaginal wall and the indirect pressure placed on it by the angle of the penis.
If you love him, then you need to be honest with him. If he's a 40-second man, then he needs to get you off before he even enters you. Fingers, tongue, sex toys, scissoring are just a couple of things you can do. Until he learns control, he needs to become skilled at different lovemaking techniques. You feigning orgasm doesn't do you any favors. He thinks he's a virile studmuffin while you pretend he is.
Time to break that cycle. If you've been together that long, chances are the experience level is not much. Porn films are NOT educational and many women who are in them have to take painkillers just to get through it.
...............................
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (2 November 2013):
Have you talked to him about this? Yes he will probably be a bit offended but if you want this relationship to move forward you need to be open and honest. You are too young to give up on ever enjoying sex again.
...............................
|
