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I happened to see my son masturbating and don't quite know what to do about it!

Tagged as: Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 June 2008) 20 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2011)
A female Sri Lanka age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a mother of 2 kids, 11 year old boy and 8 year old girl. My husband is on a business tour and will be back only after two months. Couple of days back I happened to see my son doing masterbation in his bedroom. He does not know that I have seen it. He has not even reached puberty and how can he do such an act. Is he spoiled in the company of bad senior boys or girls. I do not know if he is watching porns.

Till now I have not spoken to him about it. or shall I keep mum about it. I am embaresed to speak to him.

Before puberty without any sexual pleasure why he is doing it. How will I stop him doing it again.

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A male reader, gregorius0100 Canada +, writes (9 March 2011):

I personally think that it is good to masterbate and I also like how you responded by that I mean not at all because he would feel embarased and he would feel terrible. I also say that its better to masterbate so they can get any sexual needs out early so that they would have something to do and not just eventually resort to acual sex. I myself am 10 years old and masterbating.and I know how my dad would react and I would feel just awful. So i think You probably shouldn't consult him and make it feel awkward for him and just remember to knock first

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A female reader, Nilmini Sri Lanka +, writes (12 October 2009):

I thought answering this older question because it would be helpful for the people having the same problem. I ll share my experience. I was born in a well disciplined family as the elder child. Around the age of 12-13 (just before puberty), I was stimulating my vagina (I even don't know what it is called in English or native language exactly). I did so because It gave me a good feeling. Lately I found this is the act of masturbation. After marriage, I could find some adult magazines of my husband which were kept secretly. Once I was reading these materials I got exited and did masturbation when I am alone. I get used to masturbation and enjoy it well. But most importantly I had a control over it. I know what to get from it what not to go ahead. For me masturbation is useful in stress relief, self esteem development and to study my own body. Ultimately this helped me to even have good times with my family. In the recent years I was attracted to internet porn. Really speaking, this internet porn is not the adult materials I saw in my youth. This internet porn has vary large variations. Yes. It is very true, internet porn make me really erotic and sometimes with extraordinary desires.

I even attracted to Lesbian, Anal ,and Incest porn. But after some time I realized that, these unaccepted sexual forms will make our peaceful life a hell. So I tried hard a lot and now manage to avoid them. I still watch porn. But only masturbation and hetro-sex only. If it was that much hard me to stop watching unaccepted sex forms, I wonder how a little one can stop or even choose what is right or wrong. They can be easily mislead. If it happened in that age, its really difficult to get recover. Couple of years back, I found my 12 years daughter is masturbating on the bed. At that moment I got exited and couldn't realize what to do. I think a lot and decided to talk with her regarding that. I approached her very kindly and asked about that act. Since she was very close to me, she told me everything. I understood it has happened naturally not because of other influence source such as internet porn or bad friends. I tried to give her good understanding of that and little beyond. I decided to do so, because if a girl/boy mislead at this younger stage by wrong sources it is really sad and terrible. She was able to understand my view on good and bad. Also I told it's OK to masturbate within limits. After that incident, she knows their is an expertise and faith full person at home to get it know. So I am sure she will not get mislead. My advice to persons who face the same problem is, please get close to your children and find out the source and always be vigilant about their friends and surroundings. We need to protect them till they get the ability to think and decide their own. And one more thing, I still enjoy masturbation and having a good family life. Masturbation is like a knife, if you use it correctly it will bring you lots of happiness, otherwise lots of hell with coming up unaccepted desires.

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A male reader, jaks India +, writes (12 October 2009):

Dear Mom,

Please don't worry about your son masturbating. It is simply normal. You saw him by chance..If you advice him, he will continue to do it in scret. It it is quite a normal practice, and everyone in this world does it.

Love

jaks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

i wouldnt worry about it. masturbation is like they say normal and healthy, i started masturbating when i was 11 also. and i was totally sheltered no way of getting porn, no way of seeing nude girls or ppl masturbating. just ask yourself this. would you rather have caught him jacking off? or having sex? because when i was that age. alot of my friends and there girlfriends were ALREADY having sex. but i personally dont think its something you should worry about.

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A female reader, Khandi United States +, writes (12 July 2008):

Khandi agony auntyour son is experimenting however I would not say anything to him I would let his dad talk to him about it, however since you know your son has reached the point with sexual pleasure, I am sorry I have to say this, have a talk with you daughter about good touches and bad touches this is very important I am sorry I am not trying to stir something up but there are things that go in in families and because people dont want to talk about the taboo. lives get ruined, not saying that your son is touching your daughter, just saying that you need to be extra careful you dont have to name her brother but have an extensive talk with her. when I was about 5 my mom would take me to me to her sister's house she had 3 boys 11, 13, and 15 and they all took turns on me when she took me over there, I never told anyone untill I was about 18, and my mother was not the one I told, I was never told about good touches and bad touches if I knew then what was a good touch and bad touch I think I would've told.

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntDo and say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! It is the most normal thing to do when you are growing up and your hormones are raging.

I remember when I was 11 and my parents caught me masturbating, they told me that I was being dirty and wanted me to stop.

That would be very wrong of you to confront him and wanting him to stop.

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A male reader, Eddie1962 United States +, writes (8 July 2008):

Its totally normal. I started to masterbate at the age of 10 when I reached puberty but back then in 1972 sex was taboo and nobody talked about it, thank god for libraries. I am a father of five boys. When my boys started to reach puberty, I told them one by one it was okay to masterbate and not to feel ashame of doing it. Told them its okay, I was there age and started to explore my body. Told them if it feels good then its good. Now they are all in there 20's and they are strong healthy males. So if you see your son, don't tell him anything, just let him do it. If something feels strange or wrong he will come to you, like my boys came to me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008):

I am a forty year old lady. I am married and having kids, leading a happy normal life. I remember that I used to masterbate from the age of 10 (don't remember how it all started) continued till my marriage at 22. It did not bring any bad effects to my body or mind. So don't worry about your son masterbating. He is going to lead a normal healthy life.

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A male reader, Transcowboy United States +, writes (3 June 2008):

Transcowboy agony auntIts perfectly normal for boys his age to start to masterbate. It feels good and he is not hurting anyone by doing it. I would tell you NOT to talk to him about it. Boys dont like talking to there mom about stuff like this and it may embarrass him. If you think its time to talk to him, wait until your husband gets home and have him talk to your son. Just knock on the door from now on when u want to come in.

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A female reader, I'mheretohelpyou United States +, writes (3 June 2008):

I'mheretohelpyou agony auntWOW, he probably does watch porn but that stuff is normal to be curious about stuff and I think you should talk to him about it and sex too cause he might learn from his friends and that won't be good. TALK TO HIM!!!

PEACE!!!!!!!!1

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

Don't say anything to him. It's his body, if he wants to masturbate, he should be allowed to. Do NOT try to stop him, it won't help, and he'll be incredibly embarrassed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

Masterbation amoung boys of this age is quite common. They mostly learn from other friends (seniors) about it. They try it out and find it pleasure giving. In my case I remember started masterbating at an early age of late 10. I knew nothing about this and learned from a cousin (girl) of mine who was 12 or 13 then. I remember reaching orgasm without any ejaculation but towards late 12 started ejaculating with semen in more thin liquid form.

Even some girls masterbate at the young age of 10 and they too reach orgasm.

Please do not tell him that what he did was wrong.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

Don't say anything.You'll embarass him.Don't freak out.They

say that boys who go through puberty or at anytime in their

life masturbate.He's experiencing something normal and en-

joyable that lets him know what his body likes.If your

daughter does it,it's the same thing.So DON'T worry!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

My son does this and he is 10. When he first started getting an erection he showed me! He had no idea what it was. I told him it was his body practising to be a man and reminded him it was how he would one day maybe make his own children, then he remembered his sex ed at school. He was rather proud but I told him it is very personal and private so it is his own thing and not for Mums or other people until he loves someone. He was really fine about it and totally relaxed. Don't let guilt start coming in so early. His little body is doing what nature intended and if you are worried about porn put blocks on his computer. I know my son will eventually express his curiosity by looking at pictures etc of naked women and so long as he can't access it on the net he'll just have to cut out Page 3. I don't like porn but I am not going to force my views on him in a draconian way or make the poor thing feel bad about himself.

This may be more abuot your own embarrassment than his, just forget about it, it is normal at his age.

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2008):

lexilou agony auntIt does seem a bit young but it is perfectly normal, he is not likely to be ejaculating yet as that part is linked to puberty. Little girls also have a bit of twiddle too. its not something you even need to discuss with him yet, he is just doing something that feels nice and would be horrified if he knew you had seen him. Im sure my son had a play about at that age and now at 14 the only reason I have had to talk to him is because his room smelled of it and I found out he was ejaculting into my best white towels!!

I have now bought a room freshner spray thing and some wet wipes, explained its perfectly normal but he is old enough to clean up properly after himself!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

He's doing it because it feels good. Perfectly normal behaviour, nothing's wrong with him, he will be fine, don't worry.

In this situation I would suggest you follow an old Jamaican saying....

"See and Blind, Hear and Deaf".....

Ignore it. You saw nothing.

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A female reader, Twirly United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2008):

Twirly agony auntHi There,

This is very normal, and I would advise you don't say anything to him about it. Perhaps you can just be aware that he is growing up and be available to chat to him should he start to have any questions about sex and growing up.

There's absolutely nothing to worry about, your son is perfectly normal!

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (3 June 2008):

shania agony auntMasturbation is perfectly normal and at 11 years of age,that is not uncommon to be doing this. He's growing up and why embarrass him by telling him you have seen him? What will you achieve? Its normal..........

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

hello

I have an eight year old brother who is 8, and I've caught him masturbating.Its really not that big of a deal, everyone does it. Your son is probably just wondering what its all about, and at 11 he should be going into puberty soon, so that could be another reason why.

It feels good at any age, you dont have to hit puberty for it to feel good.

I think your best bet is to sit him down and let him know that what he's doing isn't wrong, but normal, and as for the porn thing, If you have internet ( and you do) he's probably seen it, and you should let him know that thats fine.

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

personally, i dont think its anything to worry about.. he may have just heard his friends/someone talking about it and got curious. i wouldnt blame it on anyone. every boy i know does it, and usually started young. So dont worry about it, and you can tell him you know and talk to him about it if you do keep worrying about it, or just forget about it and wait a while until you talk to him, as he may embaressed, whatever you do, dont tell him off about it, its natural for boys to get curious, just be gental with him and not force him to tell you anything

Good Luck x

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