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I had sex with my best friend's boyfriend and now I'm pregnant.

Tagged as: Friends, Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 June 2008) 21 Answers - (Newest, 20 June 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, *oe1243 writes:

i need help and quick. im 13 and about three months ago i had sex with my best friend's boyfriend. i regret it, because im pregnant. i dont know how to tell people. let alone my best friend. please help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008):

Zoe,

You have no choice, you need to move fast, time is very important at the moment. Your three months pregnant, your options will disappear if you wait any longer. Tell your mother what has happened. If you can't, contact your doctor of the local family planning clinic for further advice. The NHS provide a telephone service 24/7. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx. Call them straight away and don't delay. You must not wait, you don't have the time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008):

OMG...Your only sorry because your pregnant? What about the unborn baby your not going to be able to provide for? WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS HAVING TO RAISE ANOTHER CHILD? I don't understand why a 13 yr old is having sex in the first place....let alone with her best friends boyfriend, really? No other options??? I wouldnt refer to her as "best friend" because it sounds like your not a friend to her at all! Karmas a crazy thing...good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008):

why didnt you use protection!!

well your pregnant now and thats all that matterss

you should tell your parents because no matter what they will support you. they may be a bit annoyed scratch that quite annoyed but they are only worried about your welfare. tell them and see what they think you should do. whether to keep the baby or whatever..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008):

thats a young age.im 12.im a virgin but i can see if i can help.tell ur parents and say i think im pergnent

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A female reader, misfitschik66 Canada +, writes (9 June 2008):

misfitschik66 agony aunt you have options you tell the father first(if your sure its your best friends boyfriend) and you discuss together if you want to go ahead with it(its your choice) not anyone elses

2) you can get an abortion(its up to you whether or not to tell anyone or not

3) fess up

i know its tough.. ive gotten pregnant once when i was 16 and once just last year( Im 19 now) both times were very bad times when i was 16 i was living in a very bad place and last year i dident know who the father was (my ex or my current boyfriend)

i fessed up and it took all the stress off my shoulders in the end i hurt some people but they got over it and it was my body right?

p.s... your 13!!!.. you should be using protection young lady!!!!!!

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A female reader, graciie; United Kingdom +, writes (9 June 2008):

in all fairness its mean going behind your bestfriends back to have sex with her boyfriend, its proper out of order.

does the guy know?

i noticed in everyone elses comments they didnt mention how much on an ass this guy is do that to his girlfriend,

but i agree with most of these folks,

tell your mum, she'll know what to do,

and you dont even have to have the baby if you dont want to.

xo

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (8 June 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntYou might like to look up this site for more helpful info's.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/unplannedpregnancy.htm

In the UK, girls younger than 16 will still be allowed to

have abortions without their parents' consent, under new

guidelines issued by the Department of Health.

Speak to a school health worker if you do not want to involve your mother in it.

It is better that you consult your parents .

The choice is yours.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008):

i agree an abortion would be the better solution doesnt mean its right. it would be extremely hard for her to have a child. go tell your parents and get it sorted immediatly and report back to let us know how your doing..

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A female reader, MissWendlemoot Australia +, writes (8 June 2008):

MissWendlemoot agony auntHoney, don't worry about the boy or your friend right now. Go tell your mum right now.

You need to get to a doctor and get tested for STDs and also to make sure you are ok.

To the person who is against abortion:

An abortion may be the best solution as someone so young can have serious medical complications carrying a baby to term.

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A female reader, lushlass93 United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2008):

lushlass93 agony auntplease talk to someone quick family is best they will no what to do you can eiuther have an abortion get the baby adopted or keep it you will have to tell the father and your life may change but before you think about that you have to tell someone because this is seruious and you dont want to go through this alone

good luck xxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

zoe,

here is the best advice I can muster and reasons why do not tell friend/or her b/f talk to your mother, as she will know what to do and quickly as Dr Psych advised I agree wil her and so do you in your post you had sex you regretted it you want this all sorted out, your friend and her b/f dont need to know this is your bussiness and the less folk that know the better, get your mother to take you to GP asap get an termination, you regret it that is no excusr but it does not mean you have to have a baby expecially at your age dont ruin your life your just a teen 13 please take this advice and keep in touch

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A male reader, Dr. Reality Check United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

Dr. Reality Check agony auntWell, you decided you were old enough to have sex, so surely you are old enough to know that you need to tell your parents. Their reaction is likely to be one of bitter disappointment and anger, but that's the consequences of having unprotected sex at 13. Aside from that, I wouldnt tell your best friend yet, although it is likely she will find out when you tell the father. It's also very likely he will freak out - I mean, who wants to be a father at 13? I think you need to take a serious look at your life. You clearly aren't responsible enough to be having sex and clearly not a particularly good friend to be sleeping with your supposed best friend's boyfriend.

Hopefully this will help you to grow up!

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A male reader, GRANT RICHARDSON United States +, writes (7 June 2008):

GRANT RICHARDSON agony auntsorry for the accedent i ment to say that (Dr physic)isnt very nice.

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A male reader, GRANT RICHARDSON United States +, writes (7 June 2008):

GRANT RICHARDSON agony auntthe first persion to reply to your question is not a very nice persion an abortion will mess up your life way more then having a child 1:if you do get an abortion it will hurt realy bad after the operation 2:you will have guilt. after all abortion is killing a baby 3:it does hurt the baby to be killed. so i would advise giving the baby up for adoption.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

DrPsych agony auntI wouldn't focus on telling people right now except those closest to you - your parents, a trusted sibling, a teacher. Once you have told one person you will find telling others is easier. Regardless of the moral issues here, you need professional treatment from your GP and a mid-wife as you need to be scanned around 12 weeks to check on the development of the foetus and booked for antenatal care. If you are looking to have an abortion then you need to act very quickly and see a GP as this is time-limited in the UK. You also need welfare advice on benefits for single mums (if you decide to continue in the pregnancy), special educational units for young mothers to continue their schooling and antenatal education on how to manage a baby. I have a 6 month old baby and I can tell you that it is very hard work - rewarding but exhausting. I think you need to tell your best friend but that can come later once you have sorted out your health issues. Your school also need to know to make a health& safety plan for you as they have legal responsibilities to keep you safe during school hours. Your best friend has the right to know her BF cannot be trusted and you need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases because if he is playing away with you unprotected...who else is he sleeping with?

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

natasia agony auntOh dear. Well, the first thing is to remember that however tricky things seem, they will all even out in the end and it will be fine. Your best friend might take a long while to come round, but she probably will in the end.

I agree that you need to go to your mum/dad/anyone else in your family who you can tell things to, and who loves you. Then, you need to decide (you being plural - you and the person who's helping you) about how to tell the father of the baby. I think possibly it should be his job to tell your best friend - after all, he's the one who was unfaithful. You shouldn't have done what you did, and if your friend doesn't forgive you for it, you can't blame her, but probably she will.

You just need support right now - tell someone, and then it will all get easier. And you need to be strong and happy for your baby!

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A female reader, bubbloo24 Isle of Man +, writes (7 June 2008):

bubbloo24 agony auntYou only regret it because you're pregnant?

Well, to be honest, the truth would have come out anyway - I'm not gonna go into the fact that you shouldn't have done it because clearly there's no point.

I agree with Uncle Sneaker - talk to your mum about it or phone a help line to discuss what you should do.

When your best friend finds out, choose your words carefully and apologise, although whether she chooses to be your friend after this incident is up to her.

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A female reader, Ask-Angel-face United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

Ask-Angel-face agony auntRight hunny

your the same age as me

but what are you doing having sex at this age really

but i no your in need help so i wont have a go

but go to your mum and tell her

do NOT tell your friends because you will be had fun of and you dont want that do you

just tell you mum she will understand alot

thats what mothers do

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

Vow, you have more to worry about then your best friend. You are still young and teenager and now carrying an unborn child, your future and the future of the unborn child is more important at this stage then how your friend is going to feel. SUre she will be hurt and angry and probably not want to speak to you, but that is not the main concern here. Have you told your mother yet? Who knows that you are pregnant? I suggest you should speak to your mother urgently, if not to her maybe a sister at the health care clinic. You need some help quickly, please, it is something that should not have happened but it did, and you cannot wish it away or turn back the clock.You cannot ignore it; The best thing you can do now, the most responsible thing is to talk to your mom. You are young and have a future ahead, please get help from an adult.

Be strong, take care and be responsible and talk to and adult to assist you!

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntGo straight to your mother and tell her. Don't worry about anything else - in fact don't worry about anything.

Mothers are great in these situations. After being shocked for a moment, she will be wonderful and tell you everything you need to know and everything you need to do.

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A female reader, x..BabyGirl..x United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2008):

x..BabyGirl..x agony auntFirst of all if you really HAD to have sex at your age, why didn't you have the sense to use a condom, and why with your best friend's boyfriend?

Well, she's not going to be your best friend for long. You need to tell her and you need to apologize and mean it. You need to tell the father and discuss between you what you want to do before you tell your parents.

When you've decided what to do, tell your mum, be straight with her, she's going to be disappointed but what can you expect?

She maybe doubly disappointed, because she wont be happy about the baby and she may not be best pleased about you having sex.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you're completely up front with people and make sure you tell your best friend, it will ruin the friendship, but you should've thought about that before you slept with her guy.

If and when you decide to have sex again make sure you use a condom.

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