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I had a crush on her now I get annoyed if she looks at me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2015)
A male United States age 30-35, *bx123 writes:

Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for the responses in advance.

There is this girl at my gym that's been coming there for some time now. We caught each other's attention, sometimes we would just start looking at each other at the same time. I'm the kind of guy who likes to observe how a woman interact with other men before I approach them, especially at the gym, because a lot of the guys are like vultures at my gym. Days go by and I've been observing and a guy approached her and been talking to her. Then, they start to work out with each other whenever they are at the gym. I told myself, fair enough he approached her first. I do like this girl, but I realize that the guy has been passing is hands over her hips while she is working out with other hints that's saying "hey I want you." Even though the guy is making all these moves on her, she seems ok with it, but at the same time she still try' to catch my attention by steering at me. Sometime I would be standing waiting for a machine and I feel her stairing at me. because she is ok with the guy touching her the way he does and still looking at me the way she does, I start to ignore her and not look her direction anymore because I got turned off by her. I get the vibe that this girl could be looking for attention, playing the field or she's just not loyal. Also, for some strange reason I get real pissed of at her when she looks at me now.

What do you think?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 October 2015):

Honeypie agony aunt

She MIGHT be going to the gym for ego boosts, just like many guys do. NOT to find a partner.

You seem jealous that some other guy "hit" on her first and now you feel like she still looks at you to rub it in. You don't know her at all. So what if she enjoys the attention from the guys at the gym?

Ignore her. You may have thought that she was a "nice" kind of girl that you can bring home to mom, she might be, but.. she definitely likes attention, and isn't shy about getting it. Since when is that offensive? Since when can't see look at ANY guy at the gym she wants to look at? YOU look at any girl you find attractive at the gym, right? She is doing the same thing, but somehow it ends up in some passive-aggressive slut-shaming.

Stop looking at her and she will eventually ignore you right back.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2015):

02DuszJ agony auntShe meets this guy at the gym and just like that she's letting herself be groped by him?

I'll tell you one thing, she's NOT a self- respecting woman.

She's one of these women who dress to the nines just to throw themselves at men and fill whatever insecurity they have... so I think if you were in any relationship (not that you want one now!) there would be a lot of issues, mostly hers...

Her feeling like a sex object clearly makes her feel empowered- the fact she's staring at you desperately trying to get attention just screams desperation and insecurity... probably why you're so turned off with her as these qualities along with lack of self- respect aren't so attractive... and unwanted attention can get annoying..

So what you do is you show her you're not interested- avoid eye contact with her and if you feel her staring, look at her, frown or inqusitively look at her, but show disinterest.

If she talks to you, be brief, polite, but act like you've got o be somewhere and don't hang around.

Take care!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntFirst of all never be, 'standing waiting for a machine'. You are there to exercise. Find something else to do. ;-)

Secondly I agree that she does seem to be craving attention. I think groping or being groped in a gym is a poor way to behave. I don't know what it's like in your gym but where I come from that would get you thrown out.

Ask yourself if you want to be with someone who allows herself to manhandled like that.

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