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I had a brief affair with a married man, he's avoiding me now... how do I get him back?

Tagged as: Dating, Forbidden love, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 March 2007) 34 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2011)
A female Philippines age 36-40, *iss_feline writes:

i am a 29 year old career woman, have known this guy for a few months, through work, ( i work in HQ level and he works in district level, and our department recently has been doing collaboration with him, which he is the developer and i am the supervisor. meaning that i gotta deal with him a lot on work purpose.

at first, it started well as good friends, we often spent time going out together to movies etc.. i know he's married and got a cute 1 year old little girl. until recently, on valentine's day, my flatmate was away for a few days, i was all alone, and he invited me to stay with him in a hotel (he came over to my city for another work purpose), i have started to have feelings for him, so i followed him and spent 3 nights with him.

...the rest of it would become history.. we cuddled up, and had engaged in sexual activies, we passionately kissing each other, and i made him forget about his wife and kid!

after he returned back to his hometown, i started to feel like he has been acting so weird towards me, no calls, no text messages, no e mails, and when i asked he kept asking that theres nothing changed, its just that he has been really busy.

i dont believe it, at all.. i know theres a reason.. and i know he's avoiding me, thats why he had been acting so cold towards me, or maybe he realized how bad he had betrayed and cheated on his wife, by playing around with other girl..

i'm so sad.. he refuses to talk to me now, so as giving explanation, i love him, and its hard to let him go and move on.. seems like im losing his friendship now.. i had thoughts to call his wife up and tell her how much her husband strays with me, (i have their home phone number, and i keep our romantic pictures)but friends kept stopping me from doing that.

what do i do? im heart broken..

View related questions: affair, engaged, flatmate, kissing, married man, move on, text

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A female reader, Aradeah United Kingdom +, writes (26 March 2011):

I have read through all of this as the wife looking for answers of why a woman thinks she has the right interfere in a marriage. I know the coin is double sided but has no one ever heard the word "No". I endured 14 months of my husband having it off with a 26 year old at work he is 37. I knew, but he never admitted it. One mistake is thinking the wife does not know. The wife nearly always knows! My husband moved out saying he needed space while still using our home address as his mail centre so I found bank statements with underwear, jewellery etc. It broke my heart we had been together since we were 14. 4 children. He made me out to be the most awful wife and she sucked it all in with the pity. However like many mistresses curious about the wife she was not content having the husband, she started to call the house, email, stalk on facebook and then started to stalk my teenage sons. My husband seemed to think this "goddess" was fabulous until I called the police for a restraining order. Told her she could keep him and went off and had an affair with a nice policeman. He was left with a loony who was very immature the real person came out after a while and the presents and sex wore off, needless to say hubby came crawling back after the 14 months begging me not to divorce him. I gave him another chance and we are working on our marriage at the moment it is very good but the devestation caused by both of them not just to me but to our children, our parents siblings and friends was unbelievable. I want to make one point clear NO family member welcomes a mistress into the fold when children are involved, so do not expect happy families with a married man.. you may have brief fun but that is all it is because it always comes back to what is invested. Time, money, family and most of all reputation. No man wants to be seen as the bad guy by anyone and if a mistress is going to give him a bad name or he loses any of he above the mistress is disposed of. This is from the horses mouth. The men never expected the mistress relationship to go so far but wants the fun becomes open to public its a threat. It is drama. Want to know how the wife feels? Depending on the wife, they are not all pathetic creatures. Most of the time and with my husband circumstance I am very much more educated, attractive and popular than the mistress would ever be and funnily enough hotter in the bedroom. All i did to get my man back was to play him at his own game...mistresses never EVER make the assumption wifey indoors is what husband claims her to be. You want drama and unhappiness step on a devoted wifes territory and see what happens. One person wins. Either way, romantically emotionally or normally finicially it is wife! Plus you have the added bonus if husband picks mistress of his wife always being in the background with kids and responsibilities.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010):

Hi miss_feline

Please don't do that. Don't call his wife.

You need to let him go. However harsh it feels, however hard and tough you owe it to yourself.

I have been the cheating partner and I have seen the devastation it brings to the other person. It is not worth it.

What you are feeling is the results of chemical crazy reactions on your brain, but they will fade. It feels like a drug and you keep going back. As with any drug, you will suffer, you will be in pain for a while after you stop. Withdrawal symptoms. But that is NOTHING compared to the guilt that will eventually eat you up; with the devastation that could follow.

See a qualified counsellor. Get help. Live your life and let them work on their marriage.

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A female reader, lara croft United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2010):

I hope you understand why your friends tell you should t call his wife, you will ruine a mariage first of all; probably you don t care. but my point is why would you fall in love with a man who betrays his wife? if you were his wife he will do the same to you. you need a relationship in the "sunlight" not with a man who is using you when his wife is not with him. forget him, I know for experince that is hard. go out, i m sure you ll find someonelse.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

I am an old soul and should know better. He pursued me while I was in his classroom, and even tried to contact me before he married someone he has known for 16 years. I know he has cheated on his wife recently, but it did not work out; now he wants to hook up with me! While I was in his classroom, I ignored his persistent flirtations, but afterwards we talked via email but never actually dated. He is a white man and I am a black woman. Please help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009):

Look, You need to let it go!!! First off you were messing with a man that was never yours to begin with... You were a side chick, if you even got that title. Now as far as calling his wife, you are asking for a beat down, how are you going to call the "main" woman? Come on now, "who are you really??" You are or were a piece of ass and that was it, he is not talking to you because you are not worth it. You are forever going to be a mistake in his life, get it together and get your own man. You need to address that sick sad little girl inside and you will be fine... GOD BLESS!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009):

I am currently having an affair with a married man. I am 18 and he is 30. I am in university two hours away and he has a full time job with a police department. We started our relationship five months ago. It just started off as simple flirting messages via text. And it quickly moved to meeting each other, kissing, touching and eventuallu lead to sex. I've had doubts about us because of teh age difference and because of the fact he is married. He has told me his wife hates him because of the fact he has to move all the time with work, I didnt really believe this until I saw them at a wedding together and they were very distant. I have always told him I did not want him to leave her for me and he has said that after I am done my degree he wants to look at leaving her and furthering our relationship. Right now I can see me doing that because I feel I honestly love him. It's the problem of my family disowning me and his family not accepting me. Affairs are wrong because they do hurt other people but you cannot help who you love. Believe me, I tried to stop myself from falling in love with him but we just have such a connection and interest that sometimes you just have to let your heart take you.

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A female reader, Pola United States +, writes (27 July 2009):

Pola agony aunthonney just let it go. It's not because you love him and you can't go on. It's the rejection that hurts. The way he dumped you. So don't have no sympathy for this dug. I am talking to any woman in this situation too. Jus be yourself again. Me myself when a man dump me, I act like its nothing. I email you like hey boo, happy sunday! like he ain't nothing. Act like I am very open just to have him come back. When he comes back i got my strenght back and dump him like a garbage bag.

They aint nobody. Like i said it's the way he dump you that's where the pain is. i don't push nobody to get back and dump but Yes don't have sympathy for someone who deceives you. You are equal as any woman out there or probably more important than his wife. he's the one who have problem not you. Honney a lot of married men are confused and they are danger to their own family.Stay away from them. They don't even worry about catching an std out there. Encourage yourself and be yourself again. this message is dedicated to any woman who's reading this.

YES YOU CAN!

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A female reader, MaddisonX United Kingdom +, writes (17 April 2009):

At the age of 17 i was young and naive and had an affair with a married man. This went on for 3 years, the thrill and the excitment was amazing, the thought of grabbing moments together made it intense, i fell deep in love and thought we stood a chance of a future, but realised it would never happen.

I got a job overseas and made the decision to leave him to concentrate on my own future. He was heart broken, i never saw a man break down like that but i knew i had to go. It was really hard, he eventually found out where i was working and bought his wife and child on holiday there just so he could see me.

Eventually i came back to the UK and he never knew - last week we saw each other and now he's back in touch im tempted to go back because i know i'll always love him but i also know how wrong it is. It's hard when feelings and emotions are involved.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008):

I can totally understand why there are people on this who hate women and girls who get involved with married men, and feel that they are homewrecking, selfish sluts. I used to feel the exact same. That was until I too fell for a married man, and I really wish I hadn't. I got a summer job last summer in an office, and I worked with this man on a one to one basis quite a lot. Not once did I ever believe that anything woould ever happen with us, for various reasons including: the fact that he was married and had two children, that he was quite friendly with my mum, and also the fact that he was 46 and I'm 20!! We clicked right from the start and we always had a great laugh together and just generally got on very well. On my second last day working in the office, this man told me that he really fancied me, and that he could never stop thinking about me, even when he was lying beside his wife at night. I was totally shocked. I had no idea. I really fancied him too though, but I never said anything. From then on, this man would contact me every day, through txts and phonecalls. It's been going on for about 2 months now, and we have a sexual rlationship too. We have spoken several times about the fact that he's married, and I have told him that I don't ever want him to leave his wife, because that would just mean that people would get hurt. I know that the majority of people reading this will be thinking, what a stupid girl..he's clearly a middle aged man who's delighted to have found a girl who is 26 years younger than him, who is iinterested in him, and doesn't want him to leave his wife. I am not stupid, I too would think that if I was reading this entry. But I know that the reality is very different, when I am the one in this situation. At the moment though, things are over between us, because they became too stressful for this man. During the week he travelled to the city where I am attending university, but I was unavailable to meet him. This made him very angy and upset, and I understand why. I know I shouldn't be in this situation, but I am, and we are truly in love with eachother. I am gutted that the relationship's over, even though I know it's for the best. I just want to make him regret his decision, and to see me as something that's totally out of his reach now. How do I do that?!xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008):

Ah - it is such a delightful but dangerous pursuit!

I'm also just out of a two month affair with a married guy,I'm married too and we were both aware of this.

I tried not to get in too deep (he was a previous tutor of mine)I suppose we mutually flattered each other,the sex was great,communication very intense - e-mails/texts/phone calls & face to face.

He called me one day - very down. His wife accusing him of all sorts,however me not directly implicated,but that he wouldn't be able to see me in the near future (what did that mean : next week,next month or politely saying never??)

I was(and still am,although getting better 3 weeks on) very upset, but have had to put on such a brave face for my husband,kids,work colleagues & friends - who all know nothing about my fling.

I suppose I should be grateful that essentially my marriage is ok - I do have a lovely husband & am mad to cheat I know - but I couldn't resist.

The moral of the story is 'if you play with fire you will get burnt, you reap what you sow etc.'

Just don't go there - I feel such a complete fool and very disappointed/abandoned/spurned/dejected and quite depressed.Very very selfish and my own fault.

Some parts of the day are better than others - feeling strong is hard but I know time will ease how I feel.

I've spoken to him a couple of times since but he has made it clear that nothings changed - I'd probably have him back in my arms in a minute but I must be full of resolve that NO contact is the best option for all.

My foolish pride will heal and the price I have to pay is feeling so bad.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

I had an affair with a married man also. But I am also married. He told me he was in love with me and that his wife and him and grown apart after not being able to have children together. I wasn't in a great marriage and he was very opinionated on my husband and how I should leave him. So now my husband and I are separated, and this married guy is still married and not making any moves to leave his wife, although he still says he feels the same way about me? So I told him that I am nobody's second choice. For us, it was more of an emotional affair, but it still hurts. The only good thing out of it, is that my husband has finally realized that his wife and children mean more to him than he thought. But, it has caused alot of heartache, and I seriously would NEVER EVER go there again. It's not worth it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

I can relate to your situation and honestly it breaks my heart. Let me tell you something what he is doing by ignoring you is the best thing he can do for you. First i canbet you anything he will never leave his wife, and in the future you will always come last in his life. And whenever he will sleep with you in his mind it will be because he has nothing better to do.

He will never go out with you for dinner or dancing because he will only want to have nothing but sex with you. Believe me it is better for this to happen now than in one year or two years into the relationship. And the worst thing I believe a woman can do to herself is to begin an affair with a married man. At night he will be home with his family not you and sleeping with hime once in a while won't satisy you. Also if you call his wife I don't think you will accomplish anything positive I have a feeling that you are not the first woman he had an affair with and I am sure his wife suspects something. If you call his wife he will hate you forever and he will still be married.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008):

go on with your life. leave him. love yourself. forget him. he does not deserve you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008):

Hi i am also in the same situation, trying to forget the married man. From this answers here i really learn my lesson also. I would suggest all the people "Please dont ever go for a married man, it kills you and giving more pain and later on very very hard to come out of this shit"

Luv u all

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A female reader, starbucksFan United States +, writes (16 September 2007):

Once you're over your heartache, you will find someone new. And I hope this guy doesn't come running back. (He may have lost interest anyways after sex, as my understanding is that's how married men work.) He's an insecure "notch" man -- one who likes a lot of notches in his bedpost. Possibly even hates women. Obviously hates his wife! And, you want to marry someone who acts like this? Come on. GET OVER HIM and FIND SOMEONE SINGLE! You'll be much, much happier and you'll feel secure too. If this guy did leave his wife for you, who's to say he wouldn't leave you for another.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007):

You get him back by moving on with our life without him, dating others and having a GRAND time. He will sense it, there will be a change in energy and he will pursue you again.

You must ALWAYS have so many other interests and DON'T make him your project, if you want to keep him interested. Remember, he's bored at home and seeking a woman very different from his wife, someone very sexual and free-spirited, interesting, fun and adventurous. You lose your allure once you become needy or make him too important in your life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007):

All I know is that there are many different types of affairs and when a married man wants out of his marriage, he has an exit affair.

He may have pulled away because he sensed you were too needy.

Many many men divorce their wife and marry their mistress because men like to fluff a nest to run to after they dump their wife...they don't want to be alone.

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A female reader, ~~isolated~~ Philippines +, writes (3 April 2007):

i was surfing the net and had accidentally found this webiste. i was looking for tips on how to deal with a break up. i had an affair with a married man. we were together for 2months and he was just the sweetest one ever. he came into my life unexpectedly. he was my mom's visitor along with some other people. we got to talk and since that night, we kept in touch. i had to be out of town for two weeks and during that time, he communicated with me. txtd me, called me.. stuff.. i know its wrong and i avoided him but he was so persistent. anyway, i had a bf at that time, but he's in canada. when i decided to take a risk and have an affair with him, i realized that i couldnt two time coz when we started, i left my bf hanging. i changed my number, i refused to respond to his emails and stuff. meanwhile, i was having the time of my life, the married guy (lets call him De-Cop) was so sweet and we made time for each other, we were together 2-3times a week. he was so open with his feelings. how he loves me and stuff.. i wasnt. i was guarded. for me, i entered this relationship with an open mind, i never had an intention of being with him forever. he got frustrated. two weeks ago (mon. mar.19)he just stopped txtng me. i got so used to the fact that he txt me first, so i wondered why??? another info, he's assigned to my city, so there was no reason why he wont txt me. anyway, by wednesday, i was really worried already, so i txtd him first. he responded by saying that he's setting me free. coz that's what i wanted anyway.. (we've been arguing about it, coz of the fact that i wont fight for him.. why should i???) it truly hurts me since i knew that i had fallen for him. i went away so as not to see him.. but the next week, he started making fone calls to my cousin about how im doing, if i still want to talk to him or stuff... i was angry with him.. he already set me free, so why is he making a move again?? it feels like, 1 step forward, 2 steps backward for me.

the reason why i told you my experience is that i want you to know you are not alone in this. but i guess, we should realize that no matter how we want to be with someone, but there are lots to consider. and besides, the fact that he's married means that he's taken and so when entering into this kind of relationships, you should always have an open mind and to always expect the worst because we never know. there are lots of single guys out there, and i hope someday.. you and i both will get to be with someone who deserves us.

i am just wondering now.. how to deal with this??? its so hard, plus the fact that we're in the same city means that there's a very high chance that we see each other. how to look him in the eyes, knowing what has happened..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007):

The reason he is avoiding you is because he knows he made a mistake. Leave him alone!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2007):

He is ignoring you.When a man is married a bit of flattery will get you everywhere.He has no intention of leaving his wife and kid as you put it.You were just some sex on the side.Why do you think your feelings are so important.Sleeping with a married man what a nice woman you must be, it's harder to pull a single man because he's got higher standards!!

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A female reader, miss_feline Philippines +, writes (10 March 2007):

miss_feline is verified as being by the original poster of the question

miss_feline agony auntrhythm:i didnt feel offended though.. its okay, no worries. now i have learnt a lesson, he did that with me for fun, and to satisfy his desire, without emotionally feel bonded, while i did that because i have started loving him and emotionally feel bonded..

next time i'll be more careful

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007):

I am very glad to hear that! I hope you understand my harsh answer was to get you thinking in the right direction and I hope you did not take offense.....the real scumbag is your (EX) married man.

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A female reader, miss_feline Philippines +, writes (10 March 2007):

miss_feline is verified as being by the original poster of the question

miss_feline agony aunthi! thanks to everyone.. i was very surprised seeing the respond.. i'm doing good, after i posted my prob on this site, and read all the replies, i found it easier for me to let him go and move on.

i started viewing my life in bigger picture now, i often spend time going out with my good friends, have fun, and meet new pople.

i dont feel like talking to him anymore, and i have started to ignore him, you know what, the more i elude, the more he wants to talk to me right now!! i think he'd realized what he had lost... obviously its HIS LOSS, NOT MINE!

life moves on, and im glad i did the right thing in getting over him, this is indescribable, i owe everyone who had helped me, by posting the replies in solving my trouble. love y'all!

*miss feline*

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007):

After reading some of the harsh responses below I would like to send you a huge cyber hug and tell you that you're not alone in having experienced this. I have experienced a very similar situation recently and I am not a conniving, selfish, homewrecking person! I fell in love with a man who is married. I never thought it would happen to me but it did, and it happens to people all the time and some of the people it happens to are lovely people.

We all make mistakes and we are all human and even though the whole thing hurt me very much, I am glad that I experienced it, as the high beforehand was the most amazing feeling ever.

Im accepting the harsh reality of the downside now, and it's horrible, and enough to put me off ever going through it again, but now I know that I would never judge anyone for falling for a married man, the way I might have done before.

You're not a bad person, and the pain you're going through now is more than enough to make up for what happened. I don't advise you to contact him or his family, as regardless of his marital status he clearly wants to be left alone and if that is the case then nothing you can do will change that.

He is acting out of self-preservation and cowardice if he hasn't given you at least an explanation, but like me, you will come to terms with this and eventually it will help you to move on. For me, I couldn't work out how he could possibly not be missing me, after chatting every day for months before we slept together! It was so hard to accept that he didn't want to hear from me or to respond to my calls/texts, but eventually I had to and so will you Sweetie.

Good luck and please stay strong, you will get over him, I promise. Please don't contact him, it will only make you feel worse.

Huge hug xxxx

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A female reader, sugabean South Africa +, writes (1 March 2007):

he used you now your old

I almost made the mistake you have. I was intersted in a married man and he was interested in me!!! nothing happened at all for that fact. Thank the lord!!!i was just attracted to the way he treated me.. Us girls tend to fall for that sweettalk... but i still now feel shit that i could even think about gettin closer(just) to someone taken. i drove home sick to my stomach every day just wandering what this poor wife doesnt know. They to had a child of one!!!!

There was nothing wrong in the fact that we were attracted to each other beacuse you cant help feelings we are all human! but im so thankfull i never acted on those them.

You should't have done it firstly.

Second if he is not getting back to you dont you get the hint its over...

Third why are you even trying to get him back!!!!

GIVE UP leave him he has obviously realized he has made a huge mistake and is now hiding from the problem!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007):

Hmmm, you have a good job, sounds like a career, and this married man who is you equal at work asked you to go to a hotel with him and he is married.

Why do you think that happened, him asking you? You obviously gave him a signal of your interest in him and your sexual attraction was so obvious that he was willing to risk career and marriage to have sex with you. Come on admit it you came on to him, too. You are smarter than that aren't you?

Like most women, you emotionally bonded after having sex, especially three days of mind blowing sex....but like most men, he did not emotionally bond with you, it is just sex with a little "strange". He is emotionally bonded to his wife and daughter and why on earth would you think that this would go any further, when he asked you for "sex"?

You have no right to phone his wife and "tell" on him. He did not cheat on you, he cheated on her...and trust me, his wife probably already knows that he has done this in the past, this is not a new thing for this man as he did it so cooly with you. You chose to become a direct threat to his family when you met him at the hotel. You now have officially earned the title of homewrecker if you make that call, which just goes to show how your agenda was to be a threat to his family to have what you wanted.

Let him go, move on, learn your lesson about attaching yourself to unavailable men. Stop using your office as a dating pool or you are going to lose your very important job. If you feel guilty for doing something that you know is morally wrong, then own up to it, and stop placing all the blame for your hurt and rejection on this man and his wife and kid.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (1 March 2007):

Ponungalungb agony auntMiss Feline, good choice of names. Meeeoooowwww!

You were a one night stand (O.K., three night stand) of a married man, and now you get the short shrift. Did you really expect anything more? Lick your wounds and move on. There are lots of single Toms out there just waiting for you to dig your claws into them. LOL.

Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007):

I have been with my bf for 9 years and we have 2 young children, my bf began textin and callin a woman from work then he spent the night at her house. We slpit up for a few days and my kids were absolutely devestated i cant stress how much it tore us all apart and upset me. The best thing you can do is find someone else who is single because you probably dont realise the hurt you could cause. You will forget all about him if you find someone that can make you happy.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2007):

willywombat agony auntHE used you for sex, you thought you could steal a married man away from his wife and child....

You want advice to get him back? Sorry, no can do. YES, he is married and should not have done this - but you connived and manipulated this situtaion and now you want help to break up a family.You want to ring his wife to 'punish' him? How so? This is not going to punish him it is going to affect her mental health not his!! To make YOU feel better.

I am glad you are sad to be honest as I think you are only thinking about yourself in this situation. He is now (belatedly) thinking about his wife and his family. SO leave them alone to get over this 'mistake'.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (1 March 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntJust what did you really expect to happen here? You reap what you sow. Try have a little class and act like a lady in the future.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007):

I agree with AskEve totally. Just walk away with some dignity, although i don't like to say this, i hate people who cheat on their partners, i have had it done to me, it stinks! I also hate men and women who go out with people knowing that they are married. You are getting all you so deserve. How can you think about getting in touch with his family, for goodness sake! Just walk away and put it down to experience, and try not to do this kind of thing again. How would you feel if you were the wife??? Rubbish! i know!

Take care

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007):

Hi Sweetie, I know how you feel as I am going through the same thing. I think, like me, you are going to have to accept that it is over and also that you may never get an explanation from him.

I think that the lack of explanation is the hardest part as I have never before slept with a married man, and like you I just did it once, after months of talking and texting every day. When he disappeared the hardest part was missing his company and not being able to talk to him. I really feel your pain as Ive never felt so hurt by a man before. The lack of proper closure is really difficult to come to terms with but you will.

I think you and I should learn a lesson and be thankful that this hasn't happened later on down the line, I am glad it happened after one night rather than a long affair as it would have hurt more.

I will think of you and hope you feel better soon, it's been 2 months since it happened to me and Im getting better each day.

Married men? Never again!

Good luck Sweetie and keep us posted, this site has helped me so much and it will hopefully help you too. xxx

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A male reader, Dagwood South Africa +, writes (1 March 2007):

Dagwood agony auntHi. Not much really to add to what Askeve has already said. He used you now it's over. You made a mistake by doing this with a married man so learn from it. In the future make sure before getting intimate with someone you know that they are available. You don't want unavailable men for yourself do you? About getting over the heart ache! Go out with friends, confide in your closest friends the mistake you did and forget about the AH. Have a close look at yourself and ask why you broke your principles and had an affair. Learn to love yourself again. Go dating, running, keep busy and don’t think about him. I know it's not easy but time will heal all. You''ll be fine. If you can't work, eat or cope with life go to you doctor who'll advise you further. Have courage. Take care

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom + , writes (1 March 2007):

AskEve agony auntYou had a fling with him, he enjoyed it, no it's back to reality for him. He's avoiding you because it's over, plain and simple! He IS married and he doesn't want anything to get in the way of it. He was selfish and used you love but he's definitely NOT interested. Calling his wife will only cause his family pain and turmoil. Is it worth breaking up a family for, just so that YOU can get even with him? If you think that will bring him back to you then you're sadly mistaken. He will hate you with a vengeance for doing it.

I would write this one off and put it down to experience. Don't be so tempted to sleep with anyone so quickly and remember the golden rule.... Married men are out of bounds!!!! It's just not worth the hassle.

Eve

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