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I had a 3-some with my boyfriend and another woman and it's causing mega problems now!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, *otally One writes:

I need help with getting over the fact that I had a threesome with my boyfriend and afterwards the female tried to sleep with him by herself.

This is what happened a friend of mine I were talking about threesomes and she said she never had one so I told her about me and my boyfriends past experience with one. So one night we were at my house drinking and (this was not planned) she started talking about how she wanted to get with me. I know both of us had reached our limit and it was time for her to go home. But instead we laughed that off and talked a little while longer and had a few more drinks. Then the conversation about a threesome came up again and being that I have known her for over 10 years I said what the hell. So I went in the room were my boyfriend was laying watching tv and asked him what he thought of the idea. Him being a man and getting the chance to be with two beautiful women he was down for it. So in within the hour after a few more drinks and all we were all in the bed together. After he had did what he was doing to both of us he went to fix him a drink. I ended up falling asleep.

The next day I asked what happened because I was the one who had brought her to our house. He told me he tried to wake me up but couldn't so he decided to take her home. Then a few weeks past he finally told me the truth and said that after he came back in the room and tried to wake me and her up he laid down in the middle of us and turned the tv on and she woke up and started to give him oral sex. So he said that after he reached his peek he asked her was she ready to go home and on the way home she started talking about how she was not ready to go home and she was horny and wanted some more of him. After he refused he said she told him that she would not tell me. Now me being the person I am I want to know what should I do about this because she still comes around as if nothing happened. She I just let this go and know never to this happen again?

View related questions: horny, oral sex, threesome

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008):

Not surprised you have trouble, really, are you? Most actions have consequences so think of them more before you do things. You have given your boyfriend a roundabout excuse for misleading you now so wait see if you can trust each other again. Perhaps he enjoyed it more with her than you. Perhaps they are seeing each other secretly now. Perhaps she is just pretending to be your friensd. You will find out one way or another. Shame you opened the box of deceit.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008):

"Opening doors" doesn't matter; just because you agreed to a threesome doesn't give your friend free access to your boyfriend any more than having an MFM 3some would give the other man such access to you. Doesn't work that way; the extra person is a guest, and shouldn't (but a lot of the time does) assume there's more involved than that.

You need to have a talk with your boyfriend, just to get the groundrules straight, then have a matter-of-fact talk with your friend, pointing out that both you and bf agree that she's out of line asking to see him privately, and that's NOT going to happen - if she doubts this, why PLEASE call the bf and ask him! You both granted her a privilige, remind her not to be rude about it and MAYBE it can happen again, but you and bf run the show.

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A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (17 October 2008):

you shouldn't have done that at all! mixing up sex with your boyfriend and your friend of ten years! It doesn't matter if you were drunk, bcuz you pre-meditated it before you got drunk. You don't understand a man? you cannot give your boyfriend a free pass to sleep with someone else! That's stupid! especially if you don't want him doing it again LOL!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008):

Well, not to be mean, but you kind of asked for this, so you can't blame the girl for everything...but draw the line and stop this from ever happening again. Tell her you know what happened after you fell asleep, and that kind of thing will NEVER happen again. Don't invite trouble!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008):

let her know that you know and then let it go. You opened the door and now you must deal with it! however if she ever tries to come on to your boyfriend again then I think its best you end the friendship!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008):

I'm sorry but no way, if she was sober enough to say she wont tell you, then she's def. sober enough to know he's YOUR MAN! confront her and ask her why she did that, because you know she was sober enough to know you wasnt there and the threesome was way over. So thatsmy advice.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2008):

natasia agony auntps

and yes, you should make sure this never happens again!! Because inviting someone to have sex with your boyfriend is always going to cause problems later, if it's someone you know and see all the time. You can't undo what's done, but you can try to forget about it, and see the role you played in this - you wanted the 3-some, and you invited her to it. I know it's really hard, but I think you just should also blame yourself a bit, and learn from it. That's what I'd do in your situation.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2008):

natasia agony auntI think that by inviting her to have sex with him (which you did), you kind of opening the door a bit. You two were very drunk, and did something you probably wouldn't normally have done. She was still very drunk on the way home, and horny. She pushed the boundary, but your boyfriend kept things on the straight and narrow, and presumably since then she hasn't tried anything on. I think it was one night of boundary-crossing, but everyone has gone back to their usual places now. And remember, nothing did happen - he didn't accept her (very drunken) offer. And she only offered because he'd already had sex with her that night, courtesy of you.

I don't think you should blame her. What do you expect her to do? Come and confess when (a) nothing happened and (b) she'd already promised your boyfriend she would say nothing about it? She probably felt/feels bad and embarrassed about having gone too far, but, as I say, luckily your boyfriend kept things clean (kind of) (I know there was the blowjob, but honestly, inviting her to have sex with him and then being so drunk you fall asleep ... you are, I think, lucky they didn't have sex all night without you).

I think you should be very happy with your boyfriend for not letting it go further, and I think you should forgive and forget what your friend did, because it was a night of drunken madness, and you did invite her up.

So yes, I think you should drink tea and be normal with her and not mention it.

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