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I got my teacher pregnant, now she won't talk to me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 July 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2010)
A male New Zealand age 22-25, *arly writes:

UH Hi. Its been awhile since I've asked a question but here goes. The woman I was with last year was a FORMER teacher of mine and we were hiding our relationship because we didnt want to deal with anything that might damage her career. Well the short of it is i got her pregnant last year near the end of sept. and after the baby was born recently we've been having problems. I dont know what to do. I swear god as my witness I love her so much but now she's kicked me out and wont talk to me because she says Im not giving her the support she needs.

Am I in the wrong here. Im just trying to take time to still go to college and be able to provide for her and our baby. But now she wont even let me in to her apartment. I just need some advice on how to handle this. I thought about asking her to marry me but then the baby came along and now Im just frustrated all the time and my family still doesnt know. I mean how do i tell them that I knocked up my teacher. I know this sounds like a sob story but I dont have anyone I can ask for help.

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A male reader, Tarly New Zealand +, writes (23 October 2010):

Tarly is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tarly agony auntAlright it's been three months since I posted an this is my last post. Pretty much an end to the story so to speak.

I've quit school and am working a full time job that a buddy of mine got for me in his firm. Its not spectacular pay but its enough for us to live on.

Tessera abd I are now married and looking for a home of our own. Oh and go figure all the moodiness was a test to see how commited I was before she told me her parents are loaded. You can only imagine the creative ways in which I wanted to kill here at that moment.

Anyway I just want to say thanks to all of the people that have helped me out. Thanks from Randyll, Tessera, and baby Kana.

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A male reader, Tarly New Zealand +, writes (19 July 2010):

Tarly is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tarly agony auntNo she isn't manipulative or controlling, she's sweet and tries to understand me but recently things have just been getting tough. I mean she's dealing with the stress of taking care of kana while Im working and trying to go through school. I know with things as they are i'll never be able to go off to a university but whats wrong with community college.

As to your question I've been attracted to ever since I first stepped into her classroom and Im the one who made the first move. She told me no though and it wasnt until I was seventeen and a month before graduation that we started having a physical relationship. And when I say physical Im not just talking about sex, although obviously that was part of the package.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010):

no one is calling her a slut . 8 years is not too big a difference BUT this depends on how mature a person is. all the secrecy surrounding your relationship means that you both KNOW that she will be questioned about it. the school authorities? family members?

to understand the dynamics of this "taboo' relationship plse advise what age you were when you started a sexual relationship with this woman. you are now 18-21 years so i am assuming you were still in school when you started?

you are working 2 jobs and still going to school. thats tough but at least you know that you are committed to providing for yourself and now an additional person. is your ex teacher manipulative? is she controlling? does she still treat you like a school kid who needs discipline? does she realie that you are growing up a bit too fast and the additional problems are perhaps weighing you down. more importantly is she ashamed of you?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntWhat kind of support does she expect from you? Does she wants you to drop your schooling and get a full time job to financially support her or does she want you to put in as much time as she does?

Taking care of the home, the baby.... It's a lot for someone so young. You need to talk to her, tell her you need for her to spell it out exactly what it is she needs, so you can do your best to support her and your family.

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A male reader, Tarly New Zealand +, writes (18 July 2010):

Tarly is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tarly agony auntI take offense at anyone referring to her as a slut and is eight years really that big of a difference?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

i am assuming your former teacher is YEARS older than you. had she ever heard of protection? she sounds very immature and very selfish. is she ashamed of you and your relationship? if she was screwing her student then she wouldn't have been too concerned about her reputation, being knocked up just adds to the sleaziness doesn't it? father's rights? do you have any? yes. do you have contact with the kid? or is she still pregnant and not wanting to have anything to do with you?

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A male reader, Roshii United Kingdom +, writes (18 July 2010):

Roshii agony auntsupporting emotionally perhaps.

I have a daughter of my own, as a single father i understand how diffucult raising a child is.

in a couple setting, what support they each need from the other is different.

you really wont know what she needs till after youve talked to her.

I disagree with rescuer with the telling your family thing, You do it when you feel ready, it has no colloration to you as a father at all. just because they dont know doesnt mean your not "owning" this baby. But

Telling your family might give you more support, new grannys and grandads to babysit to give you and your teacher lady a chance to spend some time together.

And when telling them, Its hardly worth worrying how you explain you got your ex teacher pregnant, because you did, You just be sure to stick by your lady and the baby. should any differences arrise at first.

Make sure you help with the baby, i know your working two jobs and trying to finish school, But she cant be around the baby 24/7 with you to drained to help. Perhaps the situation would work better with each of you working part time, so you have bonding time with the baby. And she has time away.

She will want and crave and miss her own space. shes going to feel like crap too. You need to make her feel beautiful.

Tell her you want to talk to her to sort this out, Ask her what she needs from you, work less maybe, so she can work and get out the house. BOND with your baby yourself. (i cant stress how important that is. Being a father isnt just about providing nowadays) Come up with a few things like Happy wednesdays, {or what ever day} when you take the baby out for a few hours so she can put her feet up.

I suspect that thats what your issue is, if your working and going to school ect, shes going to be on her own with the baby alot. It needs to be equal in order to function.

This is something im very fermiliar with having lived the side of your lady friend. (even though im male)

so if you want to chat feel free to inbox me.

Roshiii "good luck"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

all right Tarly, i can understand family alienation. it happens to the best of us. And i'm proud of you for working two jobs, that shows maturity on your part. What does she say is her reason for kicking you out? In what way did she not feel supported? it could be simply that she is overwhelmed by a new baby, shes tired and she's hormanal. Women dont as a rule deal well in the first few months on motherhood...well its not uncommon. Can you get up some of the time with the baby?

You say she wont talk to you...do you have any idea why? do you have anyone who could be a go between and help you two out? For some reason, and yes it could be unreasonableness on her part, or not, she feels unsupported. I think you have to find a way to change that. Does she think that you are fixing to go off to college, party with your peers and leave her alone? that could be part of this problem. she's thinking she's going to be abandoned...i dont know, i think i need more information. hugs, mal

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A male reader, Tarly New Zealand +, writes (18 July 2010):

Tarly is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tarly agony auntIt's complicated. My family and havent talked in along time. I work two part time jobs along with school.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

you were living with her but your family didnt know? Do you work? Do you contribute financially. If not, did you do things around the house to make life easier? Or were you just someone else for this woman to have to take care of? The moment you put your penis into her vagina, you took on adult responsibilities. So you want to go to college...but you are a father now, and you may have to take classes around real life obligations. You forfeited carefree college days when you impregnated your teacher. Im not trying to be mean, but its time to be a man. Take responsibility for your actions. ..when you prove that you ARE there to support her how ever she needs it, you may have a chance with her. On the other hand, she slept with a child, i dont know what she expected! The fact remains you are parents together, and the child needs you both. Mal

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